PIL and hospital transport(47 Posts)
I need to get this out before I have a complete wobble!
FIL had a big operation at the beginning of the year. Basically from start to finish the whole communication thing between MIL and the hospital has been appaulling - appointments made but not needed then a phone call to say can you be at the hospital within three hours (hospital is 25 miles away and FIL cannot drive due to the operation). The ward staff were fantastic, could not do enough for him and his visitors.
So, FIL used the hospital transport once - he will now not use it because he said it took too long to get there and back (I think he thought it was for him only and not for other passengers en route) and it was too rough a ride for him. He is now insisting that DP take him on all future appointments. Normally, this would not be a problem BUT DP has no more holiday and is taking all leave unpaid (we cannot afford this but it is his parents so believe we need to just suck up the financial loss). FIL now has an appointment next week and has asked DP to take him. It is on a day that DP picks the DCs up from school. We have asked that he takes the hospital transport on this occasion as there is no one else to pick the DCs up from school and have them for two hours until I get home. He refuses and asks again. So they come up with the idea that he takes the DCs out of school at lunchtime and takes them to the hospital as well and then they can go for a meal afterwards.
I am not happy at all with this idea at all.
So basically am I being unreasonable to assume they are being a tad selfish that they are happy for DP to loose a days pay and the children be taken out of school for the afternoon just so they don't have to use the transport? Or am I missing the point? Will be back a bit later on.
it does seem unreasonable that they would expect you to remove your children from school for this. is there any way the parent/carer of a school friend could take them home as a favour?
How does one day's lost pay equate to a taxi fare? If they are roughly similar I would tell FIL you will pay for him to take a taxi instead as it is not reasonable to take children out of school to accompany people for hospital appointments.
Why can't they get a taxi?
That's personal transport. Your DH can't lose a day's pay every time - a taxi would be cheaper?
YANBU. We also have to do a lot of hospital appointment runs for pil and mostly it's ok but sometimes not. Losing pay for the family means they Abu. Unless they are willing to cover the cost? No,thought not.
Are there any local volunteer agencies that might be able to help? Usually the patient pays petrol only then. Or a cab? So there are other options for him, he just prefers the door to door Gold Service. Sadly not available in the current climate.
Perhaps explain that DH should keep in employment and earn to allow for real emergencies?
Hospital transport is a bit hit and miss- depends on where you are on the route so can understand FIL being a bit traumatised, but can't he get a cab there and back, perhaps with MIL to support him? There's usually a list of local transport agencies that can provide transport if you have other requirements, such as wheelchair and stretcher transport. Is it more that he'd rather your DH go with him for support rather than just getting a lift?
Nope, they can't expect you to break the law just for their convenience. Nor should they be expecting your DP to risk losing his job - and there will come a time when his employers say no to all the time off. They need to sort out an alternative.
Firstly explain to PIL that just taking the children out of school is no longer possible as there are now fines involved at attendance is taken very seriously.
Would it be possible for DH to drop FIL off then go back and pick him up later?
Failing that can they get a taxi?
I don't think YABU and my own parents would not put this kind of responsibility on me or my siblings.
Why on earth should you have to suffer a financial loss just because they are his parents? If there was no other alternative then I would say yes you need to do what you can to help, but there is an alternative - FREE hospital transport, door to door. And totally unreasonable to expect to take children out of school and drag them off to hospital for the rest of the day.
Why does FIL say it's "too rough a ride"? And as for being a bit long-winded to get there - well, that's life and unless there is a good medical reason why he can't cope with the journey time I would be saying sorry but a) can't afford to take unpaid time off work and b) cannot possibly take children out of school just to take FIL to hospital.
If his medical condition means he can't cope with the length of the journey or the "rough ride" then this needs to be conveyed to the patient transport staff who could possibly arrange a car rather than an ambulance that is going to make several detours to pick up several other patients.
YANBU. I would be going batshit about this. Your children should not be getting an unauthorised and needless absence at school because your FIL can't be bothered to sit on the bus for a bit longer. It is incredibly selfish of him and your mil to even ask if they know your DH has to do school pick up that day, and your DH needs to man up and say no.
Hospital transport can be grim, albeit a much needed service. My mum used it sometimes but there was an awful lot of hanging around, being moved from the ward to the "transport lounge" and literally sitting there for hours for this transport and I recall once her getting home really late with it (she'd been in hospital poorly and it made her feel even worse again). I think it almost seems as if the transport situation is just stressing your FIL out too much and although I totally understand your frustrations, I'd do anything to make the hospital visit easier for him. Have you looked into the local volunteer link up in your area? You may be able to find a local volunteer who will take your dad (dad will need to pay the petrol at a set rate) to the hospital (my mum used then a fair bit and it was far less stessful). It's a bit much having to take the kids out of school though! Hope something gets sorted to suit all parties.
Can they check whether there are any voluntary driver schemes in the area who can do hospital runs? Council, voluntary bureau or local AgeUK should know. He might need to reimburse petrol costs but he would get a direct trip for less than a taxi. Dm has used hospital transport from time to time, it isn't always convenient but saves asking family and friends all the time.
I take it MIL doesn't drive? I'd agree that most sensible option is to take hospital transport. Can DH speak to PALS and see What options there are? I know some have volunteers in cars as well as ambulance type transport. Taxi seems a good option - you would be able to get a round trip price hopefully like an airport run. Hospitals also have lounges for transport patients to wait in ( I waited in one after an op for 5 hours once as dh needed to collect dd from school then me) Would that work if fil got taxi there and then dh and kids collected after school.
Yanbu. I can't imagine the school would agree with you.
You can't keep losing money because fil won't use the free option. It's up to fil to get himself there, in situations where you and dp can not help. He needs to pay for a taxi. Yea he will be out of pocket, but so are you.
My parents used a WRVS volunteer driver system which was great. Maybe ask the hospital's advice, or a charity connected to FIL's condition?
How old are your DC?
Just say no, and advise him to rearrange the appointment for a day that doesn't cost your family money, or to arrange a taxi.
I agree that it can be a rough ride - the ambulance transport I've been in can be real bone shakers and there can be long delays but your PIL is totally unrealistic and I think your DH should firmly say no.
I agree about the hospital transport being unbearable but there is another option besides your DP!
Google 'Voluntary transport XXXX area' and get them signed up for that. In this area they have lovely disability mini buses and they are for 'anyone with a transport need'. I have used it with my DC to get to a local theme park as the bus times did not work out well for arriving with the organisation that was paying for our day out.
You generally have to sign up and then book in advance, but I am sure you can help them with that.
My dad loved the hospital transport as he got to blether to all the other poor sods on the bus! He discovered he was related to one of them - he was chuffed!
He did used to bitch a lot about being ready at 8am and not getting picked up for another hour or more - that would drive me potty.
The hospital transport is incredibly long winded, and my dad (mum can't tell me) says the buses are very bumpy.
Dad uses the volunteer car service for his many, many appointments and says they are brilliant. You pay their petrol cost, and book 3 days in advance. Where dad is, they can park closer to the entrance than you can normally, and they push him in a wheelchair to his appointment.
Your DH does need to say no, but if he already has the details of an alternative, it does soften the guilt (even though he has nothing to feel guilty about) a bit
YANBU - suggest they take a taxi or ask a friend for a lift?
Oh, should have said, around here the voluntary transport charges bus fare prices for taxi style journeys-door to door.
Our go has volunteer drivers associated with it - maybe yours does too. I do think they Abu. Can they not afford a taxi?
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