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AIBU to be hurt / disappointed?

(44 Posts)
mamaduckbone Thu 02-Jul-15 19:59:43

I'm having a get together on Saturday for a 'big' birthday - quite casual, a picnic at local country park with cake and fizz. Invitations went out via text and Fbook a good couple of months ago.

So, all close family and quite a few friends are able to come...quite a few can't but it's a busy time of year and that's fine.

However, my oldest school friend, who lives locally, who I'm in fairly regular contact with (meet ups a few times a year, buy for each other's Dcs birthdays) and who is kind of like one of the family, has only just replied 2 days before to say she won't be coming. I've sent 2 or 3 texts chasing since she was the only person who hadn't responded and I finally texted today to ask if everything was ok since I still hadn't heard anything. AIBU to be pissed off that she clearly doesn't value our friendship enough to a) be there and b) bother to let me know?

I'm really bad at confrontation but really do feel like I need to say something about this. Should I? If so, what?

Fatmomma99 Thu 02-Jul-15 20:01:35

Maybe something's going on in her life?

Hope you enjoy your party, and congrats flowers

ghostyslovesheep Thu 02-Jul-15 20:02:02

she may have a good reason - she may not be okay - she may not want to go into detail with you

you are jumping to conclusions

enjoy your birthday and leave it for now

flora717 Thu 02-Jul-15 20:02:44

With a mandatory rsvp it doesn't sound 'casual'. It's a shame, but surely as an old friend you respect she has her reason (s).

itsmeitscathy Thu 02-Jul-15 20:03:58

YANBU but she may have known and been worrying about telling you she couldn't make it. or waiting to see how things pan out.

Enjoy your party, it sounds loveky

LindyHemming Thu 02-Jul-15 20:04:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 Thu 02-Jul-15 20:06:22

Maybe its not all about you?

kissmethere Thu 02-Jul-15 20:07:33

Why isn't she able to come?

OrangeVase Thu 02-Jul-15 20:07:48

If she is an old friend who lives locally why haven't you called and chatted about things before now? Ring now and ask her how she is. Say that you are sorry she can't make the picnic but maybe you two can get together at a later time. Everyone has stuff to deal with and they need friends to be understanding.

BitOutOfPractice Thu 02-Jul-15 20:10:57

Yes, sorry YABU. Attendance isn't compulsory I assume. And you don't know she's not coming because she doesn't value your friendship. Sheesh you sound like hard work. There are 606 reasons why she might not be able to come

In fact, is this a reverse?

Bakeoffcake Thu 02-Jul-15 20:19:37

If she's a good forms why haven't you just spoken to her about it? What reason and she given?

Duckdeamon Thu 02-Jul-15 20:23:49


karbonfootprint Thu 02-Jul-15 20:27:13

YABU - maybe something else has cropped up, or she just doesn't feel like it. I hate that sort of event myself, even if I love the friend who's birthday it is.

mamaduckbone Thu 02-Jul-15 20:49:40

No this isn't a reverse and no I'm not hard work because despite the fact that this same friend regularly cancels on me, completely forgot mine and ds2's birthday last year, cancelled our last meet up because she'd gone for a drink at lunchtime and was too hammered to make it and seldom returns my messages even though I try to arrange dates to meet up, I've never said a word. I spent my 18th, 21st and 30th birthdays with this person so didn't think IWBU to be sad and disappointed on this occasion. Clearly I'm wrong?

WorraLiberty Thu 02-Jul-15 20:53:50

Does nobody talk any more??

I don't understand sitting there waiting for a text reply, when you can simply pick up the phone and ask if everything's ok and if she's coming to the picnic.

It's silly.

Evabeaversprotege Thu 02-Jul-15 20:53:53

She's just not that into you by the sounds of it....

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 Thu 02-Jul-15 20:55:40

She lives locally but you only see each other a few times a year, she forgets your birthday, cancels a lot and seldom returns messages....she's just not that into you. Time to move on.

Joolsy Thu 02-Jul-15 20:57:00

She sounds v unreliable, so you shouldn't really be surprised at her lack of reply until now.

But FWIW I don't think you are BU. It would really annoy me too but I'd be thinking long & hard about this friendship...

mamaduckbone Thu 02-Jul-15 21:02:08

Ok. Thanks. I have been spectacularly put in my place. Will phone and see if she is ok and maybe arrange another time to go out or maybe not since she is clearly 'not that into me'.

Time to go now, since all the frankly unpleasant responses on here have been more upsetting than the original issue. Do you people realise you are talking to actual humans? I know it's AIBU but still...

Thanks fatmomma and cathy - I'm sure it will be a lovely day.

barbecue Thu 02-Jul-15 21:03:35

If she's a good friend, can you ask her why she cancels regularly and has trouble with returning your messages? There could be various reasons.

mamaduckbone Thu 02-Jul-15 21:04:06

And thanks Joolsy. The friendship has drifted over the past 5 years or so really, but we've still always been there for the 'big' things - weddings, christenings, divorces, funerals ...

Momagain1 Thu 02-Jul-15 21:06:51

She is totally flakey about events, period. I cant see why you invited her at all, much less the use in getting all keyed up about her flaking out, AGAIN.

LapsedTwentysomething Thu 02-Jul-15 21:11:33

YANBU OP, and yes as usual at the moment some responses on here are unnecessarily unpleasant.

She isn't your best friend. Good friends don't behave like that.

sliceofsoup Thu 02-Jul-15 21:16:28

I think she is making things very very clear OP.

YANBU to be sad about this, but you really need to take a long hard look at the "friendship."

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 Thu 02-Jul-15 21:16:50

Wow, you're touchy. This is quite kind for aibu, can't see what you have to complain about at all.

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