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Having BIL as Godfather for the sake of it?!

(9 Posts)
ellissss Thu 02-Jul-15 16:57:57

DH and i have starting thinking about when to christen our daughter (first born, 4 months). I myself am a "believer" but not a regular church goer if that makes sense. I was christened and we married in church. Our DD will be christened in the church we married in. DH wasn't christened, nor was his brother.

I only want my brother and his wife to be Godparents. They absolutely dote on DD and she adores them. They make such an enormous effort with her and they are a natural choice. DH and my brother get on well and he is of course happy with this. He asked today: "Shall i ask my brother?" on the premise it's "a bit mean if he doesn't". I said it doesn't work like that and you should do what you like. I commented that i hardly think his brother would be bothered since he has only bothered to see DD when she was first born. We only live an hour from them. When we visited DH's parents, he didn't come round when he said he would. He himself has a disfunctional relationship with the mmother of his two children, neither of whom were christened, so it isn't a "return the favour" situation.

His brother is okay. Totally impartial to him. He is pleasant enough but selfish and thoughtless. I feel like having him as Godparent dilutes it a bit and would rather just have my bother and SIL. AIBU?

StonedGalah Thu 02-Jul-15 17:05:19

No dont do it. It's not fair on your dd. They are there to guide them, if BIL cant be arsed now l wouldn't bother.

Chunkymonkey79 Thu 02-Jul-15 17:05:40

I don't think the church allows unbaptised people to be godparents... Mine doesn't!

That may be a starting point! smile

MrsGentlyBenevolent Thu 02-Jul-15 17:06:04

Depends, how seriously you take being a godparent. Sounds to me like religion isn't a huge thing in your house, so really it's just symbolism isn't it - 'I like and trust my brother and his wife, and they like my kid, that will do'. What are they giving in terms of godparents though? Taking her to church,reading the bible with her? If they will give her religious guidance and your bil won't, don't go with him. If it's mostly pomp and circumstance, does it really matter if he's also godfather?

BackforGood Thu 02-Jul-15 17:39:16

I agree with MrsGently to a greater extent.
For me, God parents make promises to support the child being brought up in the Christian faith ~ will he?
I'm not sure that all people think that though despite the fact they actually stand up in public and promise that they will so then it might not matter so much.

mynewpassion Thu 02-Jul-15 17:42:06

How about you choose two and he chooses two if he wants to.

crazykat Thu 02-Jul-15 17:42:28

Unless it's changed since ds2 was baptised or differs by church then your bil can't be godfather as he isn't baptised.

As pp have said, it depends how seriously you take the role of godparents. I wouldn't ask him for the sake of it but it's also your dh's child so if he really wants bil as godfather then let him but tell him bil would have to get baptised himself before he can be godfather.

TRexingInAsda Thu 02-Jul-15 17:43:29

How many godparents can you have? I've only ever heard of 2 - a godmother and a godfather - is he the goducle, or can you just turn up with 8 people and say they're all godparents? :s

Anyway, no - pick someone nice who can be arsed.

TRexingInAsda Thu 02-Jul-15 17:44:15


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