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To be polite, helpful if needed, and civil to my neighbours but not get too involved?

(19 Posts)
Salmotrutta Thu 02-Jul-15 14:15:37

Does that make me odd?

DH thinks I should spend more time chatting to them but I think a cheerful hello, then "nice day isn't it" and a brief exchange of pleasantries is perfectly fine.
And I'm not at all brusque or rude to them - I just don't do hours of chatting over the fence!

Are you very sociable with your neighbours?

I will always help out anyone in need but I don't really want to be gossiping over the fence for hours - our previous neighbours wouldn't let you get away once they got talking and DH has forgotten this little fact... hmm

LurkingHusband Thu 02-Jul-15 14:18:32

+1 here.

I always shudder at the "Roseanne" (showing my age smile ) type household where neighbours just pop in at will ...

Salmotrutta Thu 02-Jul-15 14:19:43

"Pop in at will"....

Not on my watch ...


Eminado Thu 02-Jul-15 14:19:58

I am with you op! My husband is alwsys foisting me on randoms - i hate it. In fact we had this very fight last night.

muminhants1 Thu 02-Jul-15 14:20:16

I'm with you too OP.

tictactoad Thu 02-Jul-15 14:20:18

If DH thought they should be chatted to more, I'd suggest he did it.

ladymariner Thu 02-Jul-15 14:24:14

We have lived in our street for 13 years, have the most brilliant neighbours, we have helped each other out quite a few times over the years, we always say a quick hello and chat but I can count on one hand the number of times i have actually been into their houses or them into mine. It works perfectly!! smile

Salmotrutta Thu 02-Jul-15 14:24:23

We can barely walk through a shop without my DH engaging someone in conversation.

Very tiresome - especially when he tries to drag me into the conversation too.

It's worse on holiday mind.

I go on holiday for peace, quiet and the right to be as unsociable as I want.

I do not want to get "chatting" with the people at the next table in the cafe/bar, OK? angry

Salmotrutta Thu 02-Jul-15 14:25:27

But he does chat more tictactoad - and thinks I should too grin

BlackTrivet Thu 02-Jul-15 14:34:18

I live in a small development of twenty houses and I know the names of all the neighbours.

Two houses will say hello but seem to actively avoid it if they can, with twelve houses we exchange hello and fairly brief conversations and with six houses we enjoy the extended conversations/occasionally go into each others homes/will go to each other for help.

Apart from Christmas drinks & the odd coffee we don't do planned socialising. I wouldn't want to get into dinner parties for example, not at the moment anyway. We are the youngest couple in the development (early forties) and as a result are the only ones with school age children. Every one else is in their fifties/sixties and mainly are in early retirement. Maybe that makes a difference to the time they have available to chat (I work pt and DH works from home so we are often about too).

Gottagetmoving Thu 02-Jul-15 14:43:50

If that's what your DH thinks, then it is fine for him to be more chatty with the neighbours. He has no right to tell you what he thinks you should be doing.
If you wanted to do more, you would. He should leave you to be you and not be pursuading you to be someone you are not.
I don't even know why you are questioning yourself over this when you know you are polite, friendly and civil to them.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos Thu 02-Jul-15 15:29:52

Much the best way. My aim is to be able to explain pleasantries, Christmas cards and to borrow the odd ingredient but not to be best friends. I didn't allow a relationship to develop where they came into my house and I am, subsequently, very glad I kept my distance.

AuntyMag10 Thu 02-Jul-15 15:32:34

Yanbu I'm the same, thankfully dh is too. I've seen our neighbour about 4 times in 3 years before they moved out.

messyisthenewtidy Thu 02-Jul-15 15:37:50

I like to be friendly with my neighbours but if I sense someone isn't a chatter then I back off. Everyone has different styles.

What annoys me is when people can't sense that you're trying to get away / aren't feeling sociable and just continue foisting themselves on you.

Salmotrutta Thu 02-Jul-15 15:49:01

I don't really think I'm odd Gotta - just musing grin

It isnt really a serious issue as such.

AcrossthePond55 Thu 02-Jul-15 15:50:58

I certainly don't want my neighbours living in my pockets and I don't want to live in theirs. That's why I live in the country grin.

Even when I lived in town, I kept my neighbours at 1/2 arm's length. Hello, how are you, how are the children, but that's about it. I would certainly pitch in when needed; a casserole for a new mother, flowers upon bereavement, keep an eye on their children for an hour or two in my yard whilst they ran to the shops. But sit and natter over tea or wine? No. Our relationships were friendly and helpful, but we stayed out of each other's business.

Lord, I remember how when I was little, even though they helped each other out constantly, the mums would also gossip for hours and tear someone to shreds when they weren't around. No secret was safe. No, thank you!

Salmotrutta Thu 02-Jul-15 15:52:39

TwoandTwo - I'm intrigued now.

If you are subsequently glad you maintained a bit of distance it suggests there was something going on with/at the neighbours and you were happy not to be too close to be dragged in?

<adjust deerstalker and lights pipe>

Am I right?

SquinkiesRule Thu 02-Jul-15 17:03:24

We have two neighbors across our cul de sac that I could happily knock on and can come by any time. three that I say hi and smile and leave it at that as two are as mad as a box of frogs and I don't need the drama. One is very private and we respect that.

GERTI Thu 02-Jul-15 19:10:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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