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Would this annoy you or aibu??

(18 Posts)
motherofmonster Thu 02-Jul-15 12:59:03

I think that my dislike may be clouding my judgement so need some perspective please.

Ds is due to be moving into a new class next year and we got a letter home saying we would find out in two weeks who his new teacher was. I said to him that he must be excited to know and he told me he already knew.

I asked him how and he told me that his new teacher is Miss x, And the reason he knows is that his dads girlfriend told him last week as she is good friends with his soon to be new teacher.

Am i right to be a little bit miffed as to why this teacher is discussing anything to do with DS to someone who is nothing to do with him and has no parental responsibility? Surely there is some sort of safe guarding/date protection?

Also this year he has had to speak to the school support lady as he has been having some emotional upset- partly due to his dads new relationship and that only after meeting her a few times he was told he was getting a new baby brother/sister and a new family ect. Ive been working with the school to get him back on track. Buying things for new baby ect. But i feel like i would have to watch what was said in future as it seems like this teacher would be off telling tales ect.

Like i said im not sure if perhaps im looking at this clearly.

Seeline Thu 02-Jul-15 13:07:53

I think it is totally unacceptable that a teacher is discussing who will be in her class with anyone before it is officially announced. I would also be very concerned that she may be discussing your DS with her mates, particularly if they know him, once he has started in her class.
I think the fact that the friend is your ex's mate is on the one hand immaterial, but on the other, even more relevant.
I think I would be speaking to the Headteacher, and possibly asking for a re-think of teacher, or at the very least assurance that this teacher will not be chatting with your ex's GF about your DS.

mojo17 Thu 02-Jul-15 13:08:58

Your poor lo
I think you should have a chat with the head to ask her advice and she/he could have a word with the person in question
I'm sure other teachers will come on later to clarify the points you made but I'm with you
You lo should come first in this

midnightvelvetPart2 Thu 02-Jul-15 13:10:22

Its possible that the girlfriend is wrong though.... But to me, a teacher saying to her friend 'oh your DSS is in Year 2, I'm teaching Year 3 next year so I might have him in my class' is very very different to actually discussing specifics of the child & his learning & emotional support. What she has said seems very generalised & is not a comment on your child in particular.

Your other point is more difficult & as I'm not a teacher I'm not sure how right you are to be concerned. The support staff may tell the class teacher the details of their conversation, or perhaps not. Its then down to the class teacher telling the girlfriend actual bits of the conversation, which I'm sure would be viewed dimly if it came to light. I'd like to think that a teacher would have more sense & discretion than to tell tales of pupils to someone who also knows the child. Yes there will be data protection issues galore going on, but it might be difficult to prove if it happens

ahbollocks Thu 02-Jul-15 13:10:45

Yanbu. Seems very inappropriate

CrapBag Thu 02-Jul-15 13:12:41

I would definitely go into the school and mention this to the head teacher. It could well have been a conversation like the teacher told her friend she was teaching year X next year and his dad's girlfriend put 2 and 2 together and told your DS.

But you can't know this and it shouldn't have happened until the official announcement so I would say something to the school.

princessvikki Thu 02-Jul-15 13:19:35

That is completely out of order! She should not be disscussing any child to anybody outside of the school. I'm a nursery nurse and its drummed into you when your trainging to work with children, it's basic child data/child protection. I would go to the head, find out if it's right and if so lodge an official complaint. I would also speak to the girlfriend and tell her not to disscuss your child with his teacher and certainly not to tell your child this sort of info if she does know about it.

Missrubyring Thu 02-Jul-15 13:23:23

I've worked in several different schools through college courses and one of the things that were made very clear to us was the importance of confidentiality, under no circumstances were we to discuss individual children to anyone outside the school, no matter how 'minor' we think the information might be.
I agree with pp and say that you should speak with the headteacher and share your concerns with them, she/he may be able to have a word with the teacher about chatting to her friend.

motherofmonster Thu 02-Jul-15 15:11:50

Thank you , i thought it was a bit odd. but was finding it hard to trust my own head this morning grin

Will think about the best way forward and maybe have a quiet word with his present teacher to find out more and perhaps give a reminder that new one should not be passing any information about to her mates

mojo17 Thu 02-Jul-15 15:55:55

Speak to the present teacher AND e head this could get serious so treat it as such and put the fear right up em
Your poor boy should not be made co fused by all this

RhiWrites Thu 02-Jul-15 16:00:09

*the reason he knows is that his dads girlfriend told him last week as she is good friends with his soon to be new teacher.

Am i right to be a little bit miffed as to why this teacher is discussing anything to do with DS to someone who is nothing to do with him and has no parental responsibility? Surely there is some sort of safe guarding/date protection?*

But she's not "nothing to do with him". There is a relationship with your DS's father's partner. You might not like the girlfriend very much or perhaps the relationship is of recent date, but there is a connection.

Perhaps the girlfriend will be involved with school pickups or come to parents night. If she stays over or lives with your ex then your son will see her. She's involved now.

She may have meant well telling your son "I know your new teacher because she's my friend and she's lovely". I wouldn't rush to condemn the girlfriend or the teacher.

motherofmonster Thu 02-Jul-15 16:57:48

That was not my point.

Yes there is a connection, but it is through a 3rd party.

I am fully aware that she is involved with my sons life as she should be.
BUT -If a teacher is discussing a child it should be with the parent or someone with legal responsibility

DeeWe Thu 02-Jul-15 17:07:49

It could be that she was meaning to be kind. I've told nervous children "my friend's Mrs X, she might teach you next year and she's really nice". Often gets a smile from a child who is previously upset.

Thisismyfirsttime Thu 02-Jul-15 17:11:06

If they're friends how do you know the gf didn't ask miss x what year she's taking next year, miss x said year 2/3/ whatever and that's how the gf knows and your son wasn't mentioned at all?
My friend's a teacher and I always look forward to finding out what year she's taking!

gobbynorthernbird Thu 02-Jul-15 17:31:01

Can you not speak to your ex or his new partner? I have friends who teach, and we would discuss if they had a new job, or were teaching a different class/year. It could be that the new partner has worked it out without your son being mentioned at all.

lljkk Thu 02-Jul-15 18:04:13

I vote over-reaction.

Mygardenistoobig Thu 02-Jul-15 18:17:31

I think there are 2 separate issues here.

If the new teacher wasn't a friend of the girlfriend I don't think you would be as touchy about it. If it was simply someone saying I have got a job at school x and will be teaching class B then I don't see the problem.

The other issue is that your x is fathering a child with another woman and from your post it reads as if this has happened very quickly. This I would be concerned about. However there is nothing you can do about it other grit your teeth and smile.

Be supportive to your son , who has every reason to feel upset . Maybe mention to the head the relationship between the new teacher and the girlfriend and also drop into the conversation that your son has been told who will be teaching him next year.

WorraLiberty Thu 02-Jul-15 18:22:26

How old is your DS?

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