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to have asked DH to come home

(33 Posts)
wilddogbert Wed 01-Jul-15 21:47:56

DH seems to think I am

So I woke up this morning full of hay fever and took an antihistamine. I had had to go to town because DD (12) needed socks for a school thing and we had run out of bread and milk.
So I decided to go in the morning before it got too hot I had DS3+4 (6months) and DS1 (7) because he was sick yesterday at school and they have a 48 hour rule but he has been totally fine since (think he was just too hot)

We get there are DS1 kept whining because he wanted socks too but there weren't any that he liked. And the babies were getting bored so ended up saying that DS1 couldn't have anything so we just bought the socks for DD but he was whining and kept staging his feet and ignoring me.
We then went to the food shop and DS1 tantrumed because he wanted pretty much everything he saw.
My antihistamine wasn't kicking in and I was just becoming really hot and stuffy.

So I eventually got them all home and they had lunch I was feeling really run down by this point so took some paracetamol DS1 was a nightmare all afternoon complaining that was bored and trying to wind up the babies.
DD got home in a right mood because she had extra homework and the bus was hot and it was all my fault because I don't give her enough lunch money to buy a can of drink from the bus drivers who sell them and EVERYONE else can afford one.
She went to her room in the end. I felt God awful I felt faint standing up and had to sit on a chair in the kitchen while I was making tea which was just beans on toast and cheese on toast because I was really struggling.

DH came home at 7 also in a mood because he had a busy day at work (he works in the nhs and when it's warm like this they get lots of people with burns and heat stroke etc.
He got all grumpy because "his tea was crap" I told him I felt ill but he said that I just had hay fever and I was being overdramatic. I kept telling him I was ill but he was shrugging it off saying I had too much Sun.

Then he announces that he is going out on his push bike with a mate for 2 hours. He has a race/ physical challenge type thing on the weekend and he has been training for weeks, he has done it and similar things before and he has said many times that he can do it easily. I asked him not to go as he had cycled to work and back so he has been on his bike today anyway, or at least wait an hour and settle the DCs for me and he could go for a ride after.
He said no, he had to go and so he did.

I got DS 1 in the bath eventually and DD watched the babies. Then I threw up and I felt really rough. I sat on my sofa and couldn't bring myself to get up again and I'm really hot. So I called DH and asked him to come home because I couldn't put the DSs to bed.

He huffed and puffed and said fine but since he has been back he has refused to even really look at me he has just put the DSs to bed and he is in the bedroom sulking.

I know that when I eventually get upstairs he will grump and sulk saying that I spoilt his day which I guess I did but I think I had good reason for it.

I don't usually ask him not to go out it has only happened a couple of times in our whole relationship and most of them was when I was pregnant with the twins. I always try my best to just get on with everything when I am ill and I am not ill that often either.
To honest I am a bit upset with him, when he is ill I always try to be understanding.

So was I unreasonable to ask him to come home?

LaurieFairyCake Wed 01-Jul-15 21:50:11

No you weren't

The fucker shouldn't have gone in the first place

What's he actually saying? That you are lying about feeling ill?


TendonQueen Wed 01-Jul-15 21:50:39

No, you weren't unreasonable. He's being a dick.

FeckTheMagicDragon Wed 01-Jul-15 21:52:09

If he grumps, just say 'I'm ill. Grow up. I'm ill. Stop being selfish.' and go to sleep. or sleep on the sofa.

MrsPeabody Wed 01-Jul-15 21:52:52

How dare he swan off when you have said you felt unwell. Very inconsiderate!

missqwerty Wed 01-Jul-15 21:53:16

No you aren't. I had a similar episode today, hay fever, hot flushes and extreme nausea and dizziness. My DP works from home and although he often gets stressed missing deadlines with his work he still took time off to see to our kids and I rested. I think your husband was a bit selfish

chairmeoh Wed 01-Jul-15 21:54:16

No YWNBU. Even if he thought you were being over dramatic before he went out, once you told him you'd been sick he should have been full,of apologies for not staying home to deal with the children while you rested.

lem73 Wed 01-Jul-15 21:55:12

You poor thing. Obviously I don't know what you're dh is normally like but today he has been a selfish twat. You should be more then a bit upset. Let him huff. Don't pander to him.

TheoriginalLEM Wed 01-Jul-15 21:58:10

your dh is a selfish arse.

Username12345 Wed 01-Jul-15 21:59:09

He sounds like a child.

BestZebbie Wed 01-Jul-15 21:59:13

He was not necessarily BU to go out, although it would have been lovely if he had decided to stay and help, but as soon as he was aware that you threw up he should have been in full on 'parent in charge' mode and sympathetic to your illness (tbf it sounds like he did step up to the first part of that).

thetroubleis Wed 01-Jul-15 22:00:24

I'd be sleeping alone tonight if I were you...

PassMeTheFrazzlesPlease Wed 01-Jul-15 22:01:45

You are not unreasonable. My twins are 2 (we have two older DC as well) and we have only just got to the stage where either of us go out to do regular activities in the evening. When they were younger, it was all so tiring. DH wouldn't have considered buggering off to go biking in the evening and leaving me to do bedtime, ill or not.

Maybe you could book a child-free break for yourself? Even just for a weekend, so your DH gets a taste of what you are dealing with, even when you are not ill.

I hope you feel better soon flowers

chinam Wed 01-Jul-15 22:09:00

He's a selfish git. Has he forgotten they are his children, too?

Icimoi Wed 01-Jul-15 22:09:57

Point out that, in the competition about whose day was more spoilt, you win hands down. Due to the fact that feeling ill and being sick when you have sole care of 4 children is in a whole different category from having to return slightly early from an unnecessary bike ride

wilddogbert Wed 01-Jul-15 22:10:46

He does look after the DCs he takes them to swimming lessons on Saturdays then takes them to lunch and he spend one on one time with the older two at least once a month.
But he does like to do his own activities too.

wilddogbert Wed 01-Jul-15 22:16:33

He just came downstairs for a drink. He didn't pop his head in to ask if I was okay or if I wanted one. I don't feel up to arguing with him tonight and I'm really annoyed that he is trying to make me feel bad for needing help.

hearthattack Wed 01-Jul-15 22:17:32

It's great that he spends (a little) time with his kids OP, but you shouldn't have to feel grateful. And it doesn't give him carte blanche (sp?) to do what he likes the rest of the time. He's their Dad!

hearthattack Wed 01-Jul-15 22:18:59

I'd be ill for a few more days if I were you. Teach him a lesson. Or if you don't fancy being a teeny bit dishonest, out and out go on strike!

wallaby73 Wed 01-Jul-15 22:23:33

So he takes them swimming and lunch on saturdays and spends one on one time with the older 2.....ONCE a MONTH?? Is heback in time for tea and medals? Sounds like his first priority is him. God help you if you ever get seriously ill....

TheWintersmith Wed 01-Jul-15 22:25:52

So who does he expect will look after the kids while he does his 'thing' at the weekend.

I am in training for a big-ish event necessitating an hour or so training most evenings and part of the weekends. I am always INCREDIBLY mindful that if I act like a demanding twat about it DH would be entirely reasonable to find something he has to do on the day of the event leaving me at home with the kids....

...just saying

TheWintersmith Wed 01-Jul-15 22:28:38

And tell him to buy a fucking turbo trainer and set the damn thing up in the kitchen.

That's how you train with small kids who need attention

arethereanyleftatall Wed 01-Jul-15 22:31:34

Yanbu at all. Your dh was very unkind and selfish today.
Do you get any alone time?

elizalovelacey Wed 01-Jul-15 22:32:41

Dosent sound like hes a very caring husband at all! How is your relationship normally? My husband would never treat me like that and neither would I be so unfeeling towards him. Hope you feel better soon op.

wilddogbert Wed 01-Jul-15 22:35:12

Well he will be out on Saturday afternoon training and making sure his bike and stuff are ready to go. Then he will have an early night, he will be up early on Sunday and gone at the event till late.
I don't really mind as he enjoys it and it gets him out and about from under my feet all the time when he is off work but I would like some acknowledgement at least when I am ill.

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