to think, it's my garden and I'll sort it out when I bloody want to!(11 Posts)
In context: DH and I are not keen on gardening (bit of an understatement), bar basic maintenance (i.e. trimming our hedge so it's not overgrown into our neighbour's side) we haven't done anything with ours since we bought our house a couple of years ago!
I have a few ideas for a rockery and herb garden, and will eventually get round to it, but at the moment with work, a 1 year old, household to run and (of course) the ever-present issue of affording gardening bits, it's pretty low on my list of priorities at the moment.
Since we have moved in we have been decorating rooms bit by bit as we could afford it, including new bathroom, kitchen and revamped lounge/bedrooms. DH and I are both in pretty low wage jobs, we get by and live a good life, but we don't have spare income or 'free money'.
So anyway, for a good 6 months now, every single time we see my MIL (sorry MNetters!) she brings up the bloody garden. "What are you doing with it? Why haven't you started on it? Come on, let's get out there with some shears" that sort of thing, constantly - for xmas she bought me gardening gloves and some hand-shears with a note saying "HINT HINT" and recently bought us an un-potted, plantable rose, the sort that lives outside, to (her words) "encourage" the gardening!
DH and I have both explained, several times, that at the moment the garden is not our priority, we cannot afford to do a magic makeover on it, and spending time with DH/working hard/etc are more important.
FIL has started on about it now too, again we have said "Its our house, we will do it when we have time and can afford it" but they won't shut up!
Normally MIL is ok (annoying but tolerable) but she literally will not drop the topic. Last time PIL visited, I had moved a bunch of stuff out of the way to give us all more room in the house, which blocked the view of the garden from our back door. Before coats etc were even off, kisses given, hellos out of our mouths, FIL had barged past me and said "I'm LOOKING at the garden, before we do ANYTHING else".
I explained that the stuff was there to give us all more room and PIL looked disappointed- when I said 'there's nothing to see, I haven't done anything with it' they both gave me accusing looks and demanded to know why not.
Just...fuck off will you! It's hot, I'm bothered, and feel much better for ranting. AIBU to think, it's our house, we'll sort the garden out when we want to, ALRITE.
I think I'd say "If you're that bothered, you're welcome to come sort it for us. "
Stop being even a little bit polite. "Would you shut up about the garden already?!?!"
Or, even better, respond "If it means that much to you, feel free to hire someone to sort and pay for the whole things yourselves. I'll even give you free rein, but we won't pay a cent or lift a hand."
But I'm very outspoken and hate being bothered in my own home.
You will not lie on your deathbed wishing you'd spent more time with shrubs. MIL might regret being so bossy. YANBU.
If she's so eager can she do it on her own?!
Is she angling to take over? Maybe drop hints about a gardening service you saw advertised that does gift vouchers? Perhaps if she's that concerned she could put some real money where her mouth is?
You could tell her you've been reading up and think you need to live in a garden for at least a year before you can decide what to do with it? Or that it would be foolish to make significant changes during growing season? (These are my excuses and they're working pretty well so far).
Just to clarify, you need at least a year of your LO living in the garden
Ooh, I'd hate this! Can you pick up on something MIL is not too keen on and do it back to her? F'example, does she hate baking? Buy her some cake tins with a 'hint hint' note.
Tell her that you will put off doing the garden for one month every time she mentions it.
Or put up a tent in it and tell her you are renting it out on airbnb to some New Age travellers...
I'd just tell them to feel free to crack on themselves if they're that bothered.
I am dying to say 'shut up about it' but I don't want to be mean! They are very nice people, like I say a bit annoying (quite bossy/demanding and set in their ways) but I don't want to cause a ruckus I've told DH next time they mention it I will sit there saying zilch and he can deal with it, but they don't listen to him either! Drives me potty! MIL is visiting in 2 days and I know she'll go on and on about it.
FWIW PIL are both quite old/frail and disabled (hence me clearing lots of room for their visits and making sure everything's tidy in the house) so wouldn't be able to lend a hand doing it themselves - otherwise I expect we'd come home and find them out there without asking!
God I'm stroppy when I'm hot haha!
I would have dropped the gardening gloves at the nearest charity shop by now. Direct them towards DH when they mention the garden. He's already in agreement with you about doing other things first and I'm sure they'll get sick of their own DS telling them long before they do the DIL.
And stop explaining why it isn't done, they already know, because you've told them, that it isn't a top priority so just say "no/nothing" when they ask what's been done since they last badgered you about it.
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