To feel totally and utterly pissed off that she lied to me and upset my kids?(216 Posts)
Hi I'm after a place to vent before I scream, it's about my husband's sister. Now before i start I just want to explain that I do like her but she's a complete nightmare and will regularly make plans and then bail, she says one things but does another, she is the most unorganised person ever and she has been known to stretch the truth on many occasions, never the less, my kids love her.
So a few months back she asked if she could take our 12yo Ds and 10yo Dd on holiday to South Wales for the first week of the summer holidays for four days (they've already broken up here) along with her three daughters who are of similar age to our kids as well as her friend and son too. I said yes this was fine as long as she didn't mind and our kids have been really looking forward to it.
They're due to go on Monday so I've text SiL yesterday to finalise everything, ie how much money they need to take, what clothes etc they need, and then she text me back last night saying that she doesn't think that they'll be able to go now!
I text her back asking why and she said that the hire car she was supposed to be renting she now can't have. She doesn't have her own car you see so she was going to hire one to take some of the kids, and her friend and then her mum (my MiL) had agreed to drive the rest of the kids down and then come back home and then pick them up again on the Friday, so everything was so called arranged.
But for the last few days I had a feeling that something would go wrong (it usually does with my SiL) and then comes the text from her. So I ask, why can't she have the car and she says that they won't let her hire it because she has six points on her licence! Now bearing in mind they go away in five days so it's kind of last minute (typical of SiL though) so you'd of thought that she would have already sorted the car out but no. Something didn't feel right as I've hired a car before with six points on my licence (speeding) and they never said it was a problem. So I sneakily asked her which company she was hiring it from and I phoned them, and guess what...? They told me that any person can hire a car from them if they have under 9 points on their licence, so she has blatently lied to me.
It took a while for the penny to drop and I asked myself why would she lie about something like that but then it dawned on me. You see me and Dh have a car each, we have to as I need one to take the kids to school and him for work etc. Anyhow she is always asking for lifts, asking us to "do her favours" asking can we squeeze one of her kids in etc etc and then it dawned on me, she either wanted my Dh to drive her to South Wales and back OR to borrow his car! She knew that Dh had booked off a long weekend from work and this is the only time this year we are going to get to enjoy some alone time, so she must of thought that he wouldn't need his car, so i genuinely feel that this was the plan all along and there was no rental car in the first place.
Now you see for some people they'd just lend her their car and it wouldn't be an issue especially if she's taking their kids on holiday but she has had four crashes in the last five or six years including totalling their older brother's car last year meaning it had to be written off so there's no way Dh would allow her to drive his car. And for him to drive there and back in one day would take 9 hours and then the same on the Friday, there's just no way he's doing that.
She didn't actually come out and ask to borrow our car but she was hinting at it ie "oh I'll just have to get the train there but it'll cost me over £300 for everyone so it'll mean the kids can't have as much on holiday now" "oh I'll find a car from somewhere" etc etc. By now I knew she had lied to me so I just said, oh I've spoken to my Dh and he said that you can hire a car from X as long as you have under 9 points on your licence and instead of defending herself (as she always does if she thinks she's right) she just said, oh ok I'll get sorted.
This was last night but I woke to a text this morning saying she's found another company that would hire her a car, but basically she told me and her kids told my kids over Facebook that they couldn't go, and she got them all upset for nothing. Too and bottom of it is she didn't want to shell out a few hundred quid on a hire car and expected a free lift off Dh even thought she knew this weekend was the first we'd had together in two years OR she wanted his car. Now if she had asked outright could she borrow it we'd of still said no but at least she'd of been honest and not lied. And before anyone calls me ungrateful as she's taking my kids away after all, I am actually very grateful, but I'm sick to death of nothing going to plan with her, sick of her dramas and sick of her lying. So tell me please, AIBU?
Isn't the matter resolved now so this was a blip and you caught her out. If I were you I'd be more concerned she will be able to drive safely with all the kids in the car.
It's all a bit of a mess, isn't it.
Are you paying her for your children's share of travel/food/accommodation etc?
Would you want her driving your DC with a history of crashes?
You would let her drive your kids but not let her drive your car?
I can't get my head round you allowing her to drive your kids when she's had so many crashes. So I think it's just as well she's cried off, no matter the reason why.
I'd worry that someone with so many points was driving my children to South Wales (from Scotland?).
Why are you happy for her to drive your children in a hire car if she has had four crashes and you think she is an unsafe driver?
Surely your children's safety would be the main concern, not your hisband's car being damaged.
Well, it all seems a bit something and nothing really. She is taking your children on holiday. She was angling for a lift or car loan. You said no.
I am a bit surprised that your husband won't lend her his car because he is afraid she will damage it, but is happy to have her drive your children around.
Uumm I'm spectacularly missing the point but, due to her driving history your DH won't let her borrow his car but will let him drive his children around...is that right?
Well I wouldn't let someone who has had four crashes in 6 years take my kids in her car anyway.... So maybe thats better all round. She does sound unreliable and maybe you can all do something together instead.....
If I didn't trust someone with my car I wouldn't trust them to drive my kids! So are they going or not now? Yanbu if she has let them down, just arrange some treats for the kids this week and never her let them get their hopes up again .
Bit shocked that your DH doesn't think she's safe enough to borrow his car, yet she's fine to drive his kids?
No my kids are going in MiL's car, this has already agreed. And yes I'm giving her £130 for my kids spends and I'm going shopping Saturday to get some food stuff ie drinks,cereal, fruit, crisps etc which I thought was enough tbh.
Oh good glad I'm not the only one who picked up on that
she has had four crashes in the last five or six years including totalling their older brother's car last year meaning it had to be written off so there's no way Dh would allow her to drive his car.
But he's happy for her to transport your DCs? Sounds like his priorities are skewed!
You are fine with her driving the kids with a history of crashes but not your car, that makes sense.
Sounds as if it's a good thing. Your kids will be fine, maybe do something nice with them this weekend to cheer them up.
I wouldn't let her drive my kids if she's such a bad driver! Fuck that!
You value your car over your dc?!
Your sil is the least of your problems
I'd be furious too. She's an absolute disgrace and a selfish one at that.
She can get a hire car she has just decided not to do it. Why doesn't your dh ring her and tell her the kids are really upset?
I wouldn't have the time of day for someone like this.
There and back in one day would take 9 hours and then the same on the Friday, there's just no way he's doing that.
But isn't that what your MIL and some other person were going to be doing originally?
She doesn't have her own car you see so she was going to hire one to take some of the kids, and her friend and then her mum (my MiL) had agreed to drive the rest of the kids down and then come back home and then pick them up again on the Friday, so everything was so called arranged.
So she never would have been driving your kids anyway? Have I got that right? Your MIL was dropping them down.
Are your kids still going with her or no?
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