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to think this isn't typical 3 yo behaviour?

(19 Posts)
AlmondAmy Wed 01-Jul-15 12:31:18

I'm pretty certain DD (just turned 3) is autistic. She barely eats, barely speaks, no eye contact, no affection, poor sleep, doesn't communicate with others besides immediate family, is sick at strong smells, hates noise, falls over when it's windy, scratches and pinches herself when routine changes etc.

I applied for portage and had the portage worker come yesterday and HV come today to do her 3 yr check. DD didn't make eye contact with either, she ignored all communication, she put her hands over her ears and groaned when theyspoke to her, she sscratched herself til she bled, she screamed today for 15 mins because the wind blew a leaf towards her, she freaked out because a hair was stuck on her finger - all of this in front of professionals and yet they both said they're sure it's just normal 3 yo behaviour!

I don't know any other 3 yo who only eat three foods, fit in 12-18 mo clothes, doesn't look at people, ignores everyone, falls over or is sick at noises/smells, automatically sorts everything by colour/shape/size, does 100+ piece puzzles without ever having been shown how etc. Aibu to feel totally fobbed off and think her behaviour is not typical of a 3 yo?

AlmondAmy Wed 01-Jul-15 12:32:54

Sorry not sure what happened to subject or how I change it?

WorraLiberty Wed 01-Jul-15 12:34:53

YANBU that doesn't sound right at all OP

You can report your thread and (in the little message box that will come up), you can ask MNHQ to edit your title for you.

LeChien Wed 01-Jul-15 12:37:51

YANBU (even though I don't know what the question is!)

Could you bypass the useless HV and go to your GP. Insist on a referral to a developmental paediatrician.
There is a SN children board on MN, if you post there you will get some good practical advice.

ouryve Wed 01-Jul-15 12:42:06

I th you need to report your post and ask MNHQ to edit your title!flowers

Keep banging on at the right people. I had HV's suggest that DS1 was just the lively end of normal when he was a toddler. First day at nursery, the lovely nursery manager looked a bit ruffled by the time I picked him up and asked if he was under a paediatrician at all. I took that back to the HV who finally referred him for me.

One thing that it would be useful to do is fill out an M-CHAT. Also look up sensory processing or sensory integration disorder as this will give you some information that will help you to make another approach.

AlmondAmy Wed 01-Jul-15 12:51:03

GP has referred her but no news yet. First referral was rejected for lack of evidence. Have reported it to changethe title, thank you!

SoupDragon Wed 01-Jul-15 12:54:20

I would also say that's not typical 3 year old behaviour. Any one or two things, maybe, but all together? Not in my mind.

I don't have any practical suggestions other than to head on over to the SNs boards here.

AlmondAmy Wed 01-Jul-15 18:11:29

They seem to want to paint me as overbearing/her as clingy when in reality she would rather just be alone than with anyone

catlass Wed 01-Jul-15 18:17:43

OP trust your instinct! Ring the GP up every day if needed and hound them as to the referral to the paed. Find out who the paed is likely to be and hound them too if need be. I'd ring around some private speech therapists and aee if that's something that could be added to your budget.

Scream and shout at the NHS until someone listens to you. You can self refer in our area for speech therapy on the NHS, see if that is an option (altho the NHS therapy was rubbish here it was still an extra gateway to getting referred to a paed. Does she know any makaton? Start teaching her if not and find out if there are any NHS makaton classes in your area (free).

Just keep shouting until your girl gets any help she needs. It is a horribly frustrating time I know.

cheapskatemum Wed 01-Jul-15 18:22:14

The National Autistic Society (NAS) have a really helpful Helpline that I would recommend to anyone who has a query about autism. There may be a local branch near you too, in which case I'd say join it. What you describe is not typical 3yo behaviour, but you will probably meet other parents who are dealing with similar, which is a godsend!

Eebahgum Wed 01-Jul-15 18:25:02

YANBU. Her behaviour is a concern & I think you could be right about ASD.

WhetherOrNot Wed 01-Jul-15 18:31:03

Almond - I had hoped things had changed in the many years since I flagged up my son's behaviour - but it would appear not. I, too, was deemed a "neurotic first-time older mother" and fobbed off.

My son has Aspergers, but they fobbed me off for years and wouldn't listen. I really really don't think this is normal 3 year old behaviour at all.

Do NOT let them get you down - keep banging on and on. Ask them what age you could involve an educational psychologist (they were involved with my son at 3 because he went to school at 4 yrs 3 weeks). Good luck.

Branleuse Wed 01-Jul-15 18:31:45

YANBU at all xx

feebeecat Wed 01-Jul-15 18:32:07

Is she in nursery, do they have any concerns?
When was GP referral made, could try getting them to chase it up, although the waiting lists tend to be horribly long.
HV tried to tell me something was up with dd as she refused to make eye-contact/engage with her at 2yr check. Just told her she simply didn't like her!! She's now 10 & still a bit shy, but fine - trust your instincts!

MrsBobDylan Wed 01-Jul-15 18:45:26

Yanbu. But it's worth bearing in mind that until a formal diagnosis is made, healthcare professionals are not supposed to talk about what 'could be' and give armchair diagnoses.

It can feel as though no one sees what you see and that you're fighting a battle all along which is horrible.

You have to keep faith with your own instincts though and focus on getting DD the assessment, which is exactly what you're are doing. Ignore glib 'she looks alright to me'/'all kids do that' and just keep faith with the fact that as her Mum, you know something isn't right and you will keep going until you've got a formal for you as I know just how bloody hard it is for you right now.

MrsBobDylan Wed 01-Jul-15 18:47:22

A battle all alone...sorry.

zzzzz Wed 01-Jul-15 18:59:17

You need to forget half of the things that are in your post, because although the world seems to think they are typical autistic behaviour they are in fact NOT part of the diagnostic criteria.

Google the criteria and write examples of how you feel she fits it (describe actual behaviour/incidents)

Do an MCHAT on line and see if she scores highly on it.

You have been referred so all you can do on that front is wait your turn. But there is lots else you can do.

Get hearing tests and eye tests done and self refer to salt. Start her at nursery and ask for an edPsych to assess her needs there,

By the time you get to the top of the list you will have done all the tests and they can get on with it

Read and educate yourself on how to support your child. There is very little support. You will do all of it most of it yourself. Start now.

Post in the SN board there are many with similar children who can help you with the ins and outs of things.

ImNotTheLadies Wed 01-Jul-15 19:07:03

YANBU and I would seek help elsewhere. Well done for spotting something wasn't right and taking action too - little girls can be especially hard to diagnose with autism because of their more social and confirmative nature, they tend to be very skilled at 'blending in' i.e. copying normal behaviour. I don't want to make the assumption that she is autistic - but because of this, don't be surprised if she seems to improve in the next few months, it's likely if she is, she may be simply covering it up.

Best of luck

bakingtins Wed 01-Jul-15 19:30:26

The NHS is rubbish at this stuff. My daughter has a development delay and it's so frustrating waiting months for an appointment then being fobbed off. Have you tried the local children's centre? We attend a group there for preschool children with additional needs, you don't need a formal diagnosis to attend, it's decided on the basis of a chat with the staff, and they give you a six week trial to see if the group meets your support needs. A lot of the children are on the autistic spectrum so it's a way of accessing the experience and expertise of other parents as well as the staff, and getting a bit of moral support.

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