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To think people who cannot be bothered should eat last?

(59 Posts)
PinkyBell Tue 30-Jun-15 21:07:42

On Sunday my family had a barbecue because my mum passed away and it was for her memory.
A few of my cousins didn't bother to turn up.
There was some food left over from the barbecue so we decided to bring it to another gathering we were having today (nothing to do with my mum) and the cousins who couldn't be bothered yesterday came to this.
We all went park and then to my aunts house.
Some of us got to the house before others included the two cousins who could not be bothered yesterday.
Me, my sister, my aunt were serving out our food when one of the cousins took a plate to serve herself.
Another one also took a plate for her, her daughter, her random friend and her child's dad.

My sister said that we all brought the food and it was from yesterday and the people who came yesterday should eat before them since they couldn't be bothered to turn up yesterday
The cousin said "but we are all family"
(Her random friend is not family nor is her child's dad)

Now she is saying my sister was being rude to her random friend and her but I completely agree with my sister.

We all brought meat ect and this particular cousin didn't bring nothing even herself!

Some of the people who were at my mums memory barbecue had to go buy burgers because these other people served themselves first and there wasn't enough food.

Who do you think is incorrect?

TheMoa Tue 30-Jun-15 21:10:38

I think you and your sister were terribly rude, and rather illogical.

Where they were yesterday has nothing to do with what/when they eat today.

partialderivative Tue 30-Jun-15 21:12:01

I think your DS was BU and should not have implied that there were some more welcome to food than others.

patienceisvirtuous Tue 30-Jun-15 21:12:50

Er, yabu confused

AuntyMag10 Tue 30-Jun-15 21:13:07

I think your sister was really embarrassing and rude squabbling about who should eat first. Sounds quite mean.

youareallbonkers Tue 30-Jun-15 21:14:42

Weird. Was this food already cooked?

Anon4Now2015 Tue 30-Jun-15 21:15:55

If you bring food to a communal event it is communal food unless you specifically state that it's your food. Where it has come from is irrelevant. If you see it as your food then eat it at home.

partialderivative Tue 30-Jun-15 21:17:40

However, we used to have a FHB (family hold back) if we were entertaining for non-family people.

We would have be polite and make sure that everyone else had had what they wanted before we would pile in. (there was always plenty for everyone, it's just we would nudge each other and whisper 'fhb')

MajesticWhine Tue 30-Jun-15 21:17:57

Your grief might be making you BU, but YABU. There are no rules about being entitled to eat first due to turning up to another event. Whoever hosted should have either got enough food, or made it clear that people had to bring their own food.

SaucyJack Tue 30-Jun-15 21:18:25

You're all in the wrong. It's rude to serve some people first at a family occasion, but yes- it's also rude to turn up empty handed and eat other people's contributions.

Delphine31 Tue 30-Jun-15 21:19:09

This is quite straightforward. YABU.

I can understand that you might be upset that your cousins didn't bother with the bbq event.

But that has no bearing on whether they should eat first or last at a different gathering. Where the food came from is neither here nor there.

WorraLiberty Tue 30-Jun-15 21:19:43

I think your sister was rude

Also, if people had to go and buy burgers, that means you were having a BBQ without enough food for the amount of people there.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 Tue 30-Jun-15 21:21:24

Of course yabu, and horribly rude. I've seen better hosting behaviour from toddlers.

PurpleSwift Tue 30-Jun-15 21:21:37

You're being very rude and unreasonable

NerrSnerr Tue 30-Jun-15 21:22:11

Sorry but you're being unreasonable. If people had to buy sausages then there wasn't enough food.

OddBoots Tue 30-Jun-15 21:24:17

I'm sorry for your loss but YABU.

GenerationX2 Tue 30-Jun-15 21:26:05

I don't think YWBU, and I am sorry to hear about your loss. Did your cousins apologize for not coming yesterday?

Klayden Tue 30-Jun-15 21:26:54

I think your attitude is quite bizarre to be honest.

HoldYerWhist Tue 30-Jun-15 21:27:27


Of course your sister was BU.

Don't bring food for a group if you don't want people in the group eating it!

PinkyBell Tue 30-Jun-15 21:27:49

The gathering today wasn't a barbecue. The barbecue was yesterday but okay I understand

PinkyBell Tue 30-Jun-15 21:29:31

No generation they didn't come because we said no partners were allowed to come since it was held in my mums house so they decided to bell because their partners weren't invited.

Aermingers Tue 30-Jun-15 21:30:42

YABU. If you weren't bringing the food for everybody then you shouldn't have brought it.

If you're at an event and people are putting out food you assume it is for everybody. The people who saw it being dished up couldn't have known that you only wanted it to be for specific people, so DS was very rude, especially to the people you said weren't allowed the food because they 'weren't your family'.

I'm not sure a barbecue in someone's memory is really that much of a must tend event either. Did she not have a funeral? Was this in place of that? If you wanted to do it, then it's a nice idea. But I don't think you should feel like people are obliged to attend. It's nice if they do. But if they attended the funeral and paid their respects then really, a BBQ isn't quite such a 'must attend' event.

BabyGanoush Tue 30-Jun-15 21:32:09

how weird, strange way of thinking.

your sister was BU

it al sounds weird TBH

nikinaki Tue 30-Jun-15 21:34:32

I'm sorry for your loss.
But I feel it's clouding your judgement because yabu. There are so many things in your post that are unreasonable. Most of which other posters have mentioned but I also think it's mean to see that someone's child's dad is not part of the family. I have many cousins who have children and aren't married but their partners are still part of the family.

nikinaki Tue 30-Jun-15 21:37:46

I've now seen your update saying partners weren't invited to the bbq either... This is all such a bizarre situation!

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