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To think its rude to spring a 'big family event' on us with 10 days notice

(101 Posts)
ZenNudist Tue 30-Jun-15 18:46:11

MIL one.

She's got form for this. Today I get a text asking if we are free on 11th. I text back no.

I also emailed dh and told him why. My haircut is overdue and have appointment. We are also seeing friends on 12th it's been booked a month so won't be able to drive the 2h to ILs and stay for weekend as we would do usually. I also have a rare night out on the 10th.

Turns out it's a big wedding anniversary party (big number) involving marquee and caterers and whole family attending. This in all likelihood has been thrown together reasonably last minute. Last we heard she was 'thinking' of doing something. She didn't give me a date or say what. She didn't even tell me to save a particular weekend. She claims she told dh but has form for lying about this kind of thing. She won't have been specific until now, with 10 days notice.

I'm thinking dh and dc go up and back on 10th/11th and I do my weekend as planned. I'd be sorry to miss party but I need a haircut in time for important meeting the following week.

Dh reckons everyone on MN will say family party more important. I think there's a lot of people who think late notice for a big party is rude confused.

WIBU to not go?

(Dons hard hat/ flame proof suit etc. I never dare venture on Aibu and I'm off out now... Gulp!)

LittleMiss77 Tue 30-Jun-15 18:49:24

YANBU - i wouldnt go.

But im really stubborn with things like this!

ZenNudist Tue 30-Jun-15 18:50:05

Yay first person agreed with me....

RunRunAsFastishAsYouCan Tue 30-Jun-15 18:51:51

You have plans, she should've let you know sooner or be prepared that people have lives.

elfycat Tue 30-Jun-15 18:51:54

First plans written on the calendar get honoured in our house.

She's too late. Crack on with your weekend and leave your DH to sort his.

Chunkymonkey79 Tue 30-Jun-15 18:51:59

I would probably drop whatever other plans I had for a big family thing, but I adore both sides of my family.

However, I would be very annoyed at being put in this position. It is thoughtless of MIL and Yanbu smile

liquidrevolution Tue 30-Jun-15 18:52:09

hell no. YANBU.

Let the others go but you do all the bits you want to.

kelda Tue 30-Jun-15 18:52:17

Well it sounds like you don't want to go, which is fair enough. I'm not going to a big family party (which I don't want to go to anyway) but at least I have the excuse of having to work, sounds a bit better then going to the hairdressersgrin

ImperialBlether Tue 30-Jun-15 18:52:37

I think you should do what you planned to do.

If she wants people to attend, she has to give more notice. It's as simple as that. Otherwise you could never make arrangements because you'd be thinking she might spring an engagement on you.

She can still have her party. If she says she can't, look her straight in the eye and say, "But if we emigrated, you'd have to have parties without us...."

Blowingoffsteam Tue 30-Jun-15 18:53:02


FryOneFatManic Tue 30-Jun-15 18:53:09

I wouldn't go, either.

I get it's a "big" anniversary, but I'd want more notice.

SoWhoKnew Tue 30-Jun-15 18:53:15

You cant go because you are geting your hair cut? All day? How much hair do you have?

poocatcherchampion Tue 30-Jun-15 18:53:41

I'd go for the day. 2 hours is no distance. Haircut is blatantly not life or death.

4yoniD Tue 30-Jun-15 18:53:59

Your DH and DCs are happy / capable of going without you? No question. Have a nice (peaceful!) weekend!

chinam Tue 30-Jun-15 18:54:04

I wouldn't go either. Stick with your plans and let your DH take the kids to the party.

andthenagain Tue 30-Jun-15 18:54:29

YANBU you have a prior engagement.

She should have checked first with the date if she was so keen to have you there

sunbathe Tue 30-Jun-15 18:55:04


LittleBairn Tue 30-Jun-15 18:55:07

If she wanted everyone there she should have given more notice.
I never change plan when something 'better' comes up it's rude to those you cancel on.

crje Tue 30-Jun-15 18:57:10

Let Dh & kids off
You have plans .

caravanista13 Tue 30-Jun-15 18:57:12

YNBU! We've got a big anniversary coming up and we've given everyone a 6 months notice 'save the date'.

broadbeanstew Tue 30-Jun-15 18:58:03

If it was just the haircut I would cancel it and go. But as you have a night out on the 10th and seeing friends on the 12th I think YANBU.

PtolemysNeedle Tue 30-Jun-15 18:58:23

You should absolutely go ahead with your planned events for that weekend, there's no good reason why your DH shouldn't take the dc alone.

Whats rude is cancelling arrangements because you've had another offer. I don't think it's rude to ask family to a last minute celebration, but it would be rude if they expected you to cancel on other people or got annoyed if you didn't come.

Whatisaweekend Tue 30-Jun-15 19:00:53

A marquee and caterers??? She must have had plenty of notice about the date as this is the busiest time of year for those types of companies what with it being wedding season and she will have surely needed to book them far in advance?

I think its incredibly rude to give you such short notice. Mind you, I think that a hair cut is not life and death and would bump that on the understanding that if she ever pulls this stunt again, she gets none of your family.

LindyHemming Tue 30-Jun-15 19:01:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ollieplimsoles Tue 30-Jun-15 19:03:10

Who arranges a huge family party with a marquee and caterers then gives main family members 10 days notice!!!?

This is the sort of thing my mil would do... Then when dh laughs in her face and says no we have plans, cue the guilt tripping calls, emails and texts leading up to the event. *bitterly sips large gin and tonic*

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