If I scream due to frustration and anger?(29 Posts)
My ex and I broke up a few months ago and he moved in with friends an hour away from me and our 9 month old DD. He's immature, sarcastic, insensitive and can be very selfish and stubborn.
He's been staying over for a few days to 'help' me out but I've been close to tears on so many occasions. To name a few things, he's said/done -
Called our DD a fat bast (he thinks not saying the full word means it's OK) because she ate all her blueberries and started on mine too.
Said he's going to take her on the Smiler at Alton Towers because she's developed this habit of shaking her head and I said she's going to make herself dizzy.
Begged his mum to have contact with out DD after she put her precious cigarrettes and alcohol first for the last 9 months, and even when she said she had to 'think about it' he still thinks she's what's best for DD (his exact words). She's a crazy, manipilative alcoholic who can't be trusted.
Tonight I said I was upset because someone I know put a 'selfie' of her next to her dad's grave and I lost my mum not long ago so had a little rant about how it was inappropriate and how I couldn't understand why anyone would do it. He snapped at me and said I need to let people do what they want and told me not to be affected by others so much. I might be being unreasonable on this one but still, would it kill him to just not act like a dick for a few seconds and respect my feelings?
I think it must be time of the month soon because I feel like crying my heart out and telling him I never want to see him again due to the fact that he makes my blood boil!
Because I'm lonely and feel like I need his company and help looking after DD. I know that sounds pathetic but I don't have anyone else.
I don't know my own mind when he's around, he makes me feel so low and stupid. He's just text me saying I do it to myself and that I choose to be miserable. I don't know what to think.
No way let him stay with you! You're never going to move on and learn to cope by yourself with his pernicious influence in your home!
Think "fuck off you cunt" and tell him to jog on. You and DD deserve better than this prize twat.
Well for a start, tell him to bugger off. Would you prefer lonliness to constant questioning of you own sanity?
You'd be better off doing it alone, no one to make you second guess or feel terrible
Well however lonely you are you sound as though you don't need him around - he's making things worse! I don't have any advice really, but do you have friends you can turn to?
He sounds like an awful manipulative prick. OP I think you already know this and you are looking on MN for the confirmation you need to kick him to the kerb for good. Don't be afraid of being lonely for a while, it can be character building and you have every chance of finding someone new, but you need to get this weeping canker sore of a man out of your life!
Have some and and feel better xx
Thanks. I just can't believe this is the same man I've known since I was 16 and who used to be lovely, kind and attentive. He's turned into a nasty, offensive person who I literally can't stand to be around.
Where are you in the country - I'm sure some of the lovely mumsnetters would be happy to meet up?
Sorry - also forgot to say - tell him to stay the fuck away from you and your DD !!
So why don't you tell him this rather then complain to strangers? How exactly are we going to help your personal affairs?
Why do you 'need' the company of someone who makes you feel low? Thats not 'company' , thats anyone is better than no-one. If you are lonely go to the library noticeboard and see if there are any free mums meet up groups either at the library (free story time once a week is a hoot at mine) or at local community centres. Get out of the house at least once a day to the park etc with your DD you will both enjoy having more structure to your day and life wont seem so lonely if you factor in some activity and some mum meetings. I'd rather feel a bit lonely than have someone sniping at me and undermining me day in day out - thats grim OP.
If you are at home and low etc read a book, watch a movie, internet surf self esteem and assertiveness sites or any of your interests.
I'm in South Yorkshire.
I do go out to baby groups etc but it's not the same, although I do agree that he's not good company and nothing at all would be better than what I've been putting up with lately.
He's not all bad but it's like he's become bitter and full of resentment and is petrified of letting a woman control him like his mum did to his shell of a dad so that results in him acting like a dick with me. I'm just exhausted and miss who he used to be. I don't know who he is anymore and it scares me that I have to see him for the rest of my life as he's dd's dad.
He sounds like an arse, he should not be in your home. I know this is a bit out of line, but I hope you are at least sleeping in separate rooms. Don't give him any ideas. It sounds like you both have issues you need to deal with, before you can be around each other. Don't use him as an emotional crutch, you really would be better alone than feeling like this.
Look, this guy is pulling you down emotionally
Yes being in your own can be hard but don't let him come back and destroy your self esteem like this!
He has changed. Maybe this us due to his own insecurities but being with you isn't going to help him solve that, nor is it going to make him change back to the nice guy he was.
Do you have anyone around who could come over, anyone you could go and spend a week with?
Being crap to you and your dd makes him feel like a big man. It is hard to untangle yourself from this kind of set up, particularly if you are getting some kind of logistical support from him (e.g. watching dd while you do whatever or giving you some rent).
If you can, make a list of what "help" he gives and think about alternatives It may be really hard to do but think about what your dd is going to start picking up about relationships.
We do sleep in separate rooms but that's only something that started recently. Maybe that's why his mood and attitude towards me has dipped so drastically because I refuse to sleep with him.
Now he's throwing his crazy, alcoholic mum into the mix and wanting her to come round to see dd I feel like everyone's going against me. I don't want him in my home, never mind his mother.
My friends are all too busy with their own lives and the nearest family I have who care about me live down im Somerset.
If it's the choice of your own company (for now!) or having him around then I choose my own company any day of the week
You say he's there to help but ask yourself just how much help he's being - it doesn't sound like much to be honest.
Get rid and tell him to close the door behind him. You might not like feeling alone at first but is it really going to be any worse that your current situation. You'll probably find being alone isn't as bad as you're expecting too.
sparky I already worry about dd and how our volatile relationship is or will affect her in the future. He says he treats me how I treat him and why should he respect me when I don't respect him but most of the time he's awful to me when I haven't even said or done anything. I don't claim to be an angel but I'm not full of venom like he is.
S Yorkshire is a long way from Somerset but you need to find time for a cold rethink of your current home. Once your little one is in school it will be harder to move.
I know it's really tough when the only people nearby are toxic.
blue is this your third post about him? Has he got a brother in Australia ?
Good for you, don't give in on that. But you're quite right, if he was getting sex from you before, and now you're being firm with boundaries, he may be upping the emotional crap. Stay strong, if you have serious doubts about his mother being involved then keep your foot down. It's your house, your rules. If he doesn't like it, he can go can't he. It will get better in time .
I wish I could just cut him out of my life but I know he'll always want contact with dd and I'm not ready for him to take her away from me yet.
He doesn't help much at all to be honest, when I ask him to change dd for example he'll huff and puff and say let's have a bet as to who does it. He needs to grow up.
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