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to not want to go on this holiday??

(21 Posts)
ficus Mon 29-Jun-15 18:53:11

And if so what do I do?

Have been invited on hols by my OH/boyfriends parents. The history to this is that for the last few years, since his DC2 (now 5) was a baby, his parents have taken the family away on a short break. Originally this was with OHs ex, since they split it's just been him and his DC.

I was with him last year when he went but we weren't at the stage of introducing me to the DC, so of course I didn't go.

Nearly a year on the holiday is now coming up and via OH his parents have asked me to come.

But I don't think I want to go. Main reason is I have my own (mid teen, much older) DC who wouldn't be going. Plus OHs DC are quite full on, being so young, and I find the few hours I see them eow pretty tiring. Not sure how I'd cope with several days.

That said I don't want to seem ungrateful or a massive bitch.

Is it wrong not wanting to go? And if not how do I politely decline?

tobysmum77 Mon 29-Jun-15 18:56:02

I don't think yabu at all, teens are really sensitive and who would feel comfortable about dumping a child for a 'new' family? If they can't see that I wouldn't worry too much about offending them tbh!

SolidGoldBrass Mon 29-Jun-15 18:56:47

You could maybe say that your teenager doesn't want to be left behind (if mid-teens, have you someone who could look after him/her in the first place) so you would rather stay with him/her. Just make sure you word it so it doesn't sound as though you are hoping they will invite the teenager as well.

tobysmum77 Mon 29-Jun-15 18:57:54

or they might and then you'd be really stuffed if it isn't the only reason....

Athenaviolet Mon 29-Jun-15 19:00:08

I don't think the holiday is the problem.

There's only trouble ahead if you're in a relationship where you don't enjoy spending time with his DCs.

whois Mon 29-Jun-15 19:00:15

What does your OH think? Would he be offended if you don't go?

I'd probably just be kind of wishy washy 'so kind of you but I just don't think this year is the right time, you know how it is wth new families and the kids, gently gently, next year maybe, but thanks so much for the invite

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 29-Jun-15 19:03:50

What happens when he has the DC for longer? Holidays or Christmas. Agree with Athena that it doesn't sound long-term/serious if you don't like to hang out with his kids.

WayneRooneysHair Mon 29-Jun-15 19:04:07

If you don't enjoy spending time with his children it sounds like the relationship is doomed.

chickenfuckingpox Mon 29-Jun-15 19:16:28

ok you dont want to go the reasons should be

its too early in the relationship for a "family" holiday particularly one that excludes your child

you want to spend one on one time with your child

he needs to spend one on one time with his

you dont sound like you dislike his DC just unused to young children it happens when yours grow up you almost forget how full on they can be when they are young

unless you're planning on marriage soon etc its really too soon for a "family" holiday

also how does his dc mom like the idea of you going? if she doesn't she could resent you "taking her place"

HTH flowers

GinUpGirl Mon 29-Jun-15 20:03:56

I foresee problems in the future if you don't want to be around his children.

ficus Mon 29-Jun-15 20:24:25

I didn't say I don't like his children.

I do find them hard work - I think chicken has hit the nail on the head, I'm just not used to young children any more (none in my family, and my friends DC are all a similar age to mine).

I've spent maybe 15-20 days/eves with them at most (as OH has them alternate weekends and I usually meet up with them all one of those days).

Only1scoop Mon 29-Jun-15 20:26:11


You just have an incredibly busy week scheduled for that week.

ficus Mon 29-Jun-15 20:28:53

I also feel like its not fair on my DC who hasn't been invited. I appreciate they're not OHs Parents DGC, but I don't want mine to feel left out.

I was talking to my DC about going away for a few days with OH (when they're on hols with their dad/ my Ex) and the first question I got was 'are OHs DC going?' - when I said no, my DC was absolutely fine. Which tells me going on the other trip with OHs parents wouldn't be well received by my DC.

chickenfuckingpox Mon 29-Jun-15 21:37:32

there is your reason then personally i feel its just too soon for you your cautious and cautious is good when your potentially integrating families

seriously look at all the resentful stepchildren/stepparent threads you read them and think of course the child's playing up you dove in feet first and expected things to work out perfectly because its "love" in life its not that simple even walt disney stopped the film at the wedding in most cases!

ficus Mon 29-Jun-15 22:02:21

Haha chicken good point grin

We've not even done overnight yet with his DC so a holiday probably is too soon.

chickenfuckingpox Mon 29-Jun-15 22:09:31


tobysmum77 Tue 30-Jun-15 06:13:23

Yeah, the point is right now he is your boyfriend, you aren't a blended family and quite clearly that is something you are not ready for.

NRomanoff Tue 30-Jun-15 06:28:08

If you aren't ready to do this, you aren't ready.

Tbh if the parents want to treat you as part of the family then they should treat your do as part of the family and invite your child too. I am not saying they should be obliged to pay for your child too, but it should be assumed that they can come too. Blended families can be difficult to negotiate.

Don't say its because you find his kids too full on though

leeloo1 Tue 30-Jun-15 06:40:36

Completely agree you shouldn't go for reasons already stated , but how lovely that they've invited you - so inclusive?! What lovely gps. smile

selly24 Tue 30-Jun-15 06:55:30

Is there a way you could go with your teen, stay in different accommodation but in same place? Then you couldmeet up for some meals and activitie/outings but have abut of space/ time alone with ith teen? A kind of separate togetherness withoitbit feeling forced?

ficus Tue 30-Jun-15 12:43:25

It is nice of them to invite me, but I wouldn't feel right going without my DC. I was thinking maybe I could just go for one night but it wouldn't be practical as I don't have a car and where they're going is a good few hrs away and pretty rural - so me and my DC going wouldn't really be an option either.

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