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AIBU not to expect household items as gifts?

(58 Posts)
3rdrockfromthesun Sun 28-Jun-15 21:15:46

First time poster and long time lurker so please don't flame me. I will keep this short. MIL, since DP and I brought the house, has been giving me household cleaning items as presents, but DP gets non household items! This has included a peg bag with the reduced label still on (I aready have two), clips help change duvet covers, her unused freezer clips and clips for the ironing board.

AIBU to think that it is unfair to be given household cleaning items as presents just because I am female?!

How do I get her to stop without offending her too much?

EatShitDerek Sun 28-Jun-15 21:17:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

formerbabe Sun 28-Jun-15 21:17:36

I wouldn't bother. Just smile and say thank you.

Vivacia Sun 28-Jun-15 21:20:00

Don't try to stop her. Just thank her nicely every time but give a little explanation like, "To be honest, DP does most of the laundry/cleaning/ cooking/ironing but I'll let him use this because it's so pretty/useful to never get used".

afterthought2 Sun 28-Jun-15 21:24:04

My MIL does this too, but she is sweet and well meaning. The last delight was a hideous set of tea cups, when we only use chunky mugs. DP asked me the other day why I always serve FIL's tea in a hideous cup. I responded that he might take more notice of what his wife is purchasing us in future ...

Smartiepants79 Sun 28-Jun-15 21:25:26

Gifts as in birthday presents? Or just stuff she brings along and gives to you when she visits?
If it's a birthday present then YNBU if it's just things she brings along then I would just smile, say thanks and move on.

beedeepullen Sun 28-Jun-15 21:31:34

my dp mum gives both me and my dp house gifts. I absolutely love it. the other week we got a new Panini machine. its the thought that counts I suppose. at least her heart is in the right place. some mil can be dreadful. your lucky enough to have one who thinks about you even if the gifts are small or from the sale.

3rdrockfromthesun Sun 28-Jun-15 21:34:00

Smartiepants79 she gives it to me as both.

I wont say anything but it just makes me feel sad as I go to great lenghts to ensure that she doesn't get household items as my DM brought me up that way.

I just can't understand why it is me and not DP who gets the gifts? We live in the 21st Centry. Men do housework similar to women (okay I will get off my soap box now blush

3rdrockfromthesun Sun 28-Jun-15 21:34:06

Smartiepants79 she gives it to me as both.

I wont say anything but it just makes me feel sad as I go to great lenghts to ensure that she doesn't get household items as my DM brought me up that way.

I just can't understand why it is me and not DP who gets the gifts? We live in the 21st Centry. Men do housework similar to women (okay I will get off my soap box now blush

redshoeblueshoe Sun 28-Jun-15 21:39:16

struggling to get off your soap box ? Maybe MIL has a handy gift to help you grin Just get DH to suggest something you would like for your birthday/Christmas

Smartiepants79 Sun 28-Jun-15 21:41:23

I get your point and I would get your DH to tell her what you want for your birthday.
The random gifts though, I'd just let it go.

fufulina Sun 28-Jun-15 21:42:26

This happens to me as well - my DH gets gifts for him; I get stuff for the house/cleaning/cooking implements. From my DM and my DSis - drives me batshit. I'd rather have nothing rather than a sodding hand blender.

Smartiepants79 Sun 28-Jun-15 21:42:36

My mum is the opposite, she makes sure household stuff is shared between me and my DH!

Vivacia Sun 28-Jun-15 21:42:36

I would get your DH to tell her what you want for your birthday.

confused that's not how presents work.

soloula Sun 28-Jun-15 21:46:29

I'd be getting her a tea cosy (that doesn't match her colour scheme) for her next birthday but that's just me. grin

Smartiepants79 Sun 28-Jun-15 21:55:27

If you have specific things you would like the you request them.
You don't expect to get them necessarily but you can ask.
Well you can in my family!
If you don't ask then you can't moan about people getting it wrong.

fredfredgeorgejnr Sun 28-Jun-15 22:08:20

She knows her sons likes well, she doesn't know yours, she doesn't want to get you a hideous jumper or a pegging kit you won't use. So plays it safe with a gift that while not nice, at least it's not completely wasteful.

YABU, get your DH to give her some ideas, or ask her to give you nothing. MIL's buying their DIL's presents is just odd.

hedgehogsdontbite Sun 28-Jun-15 22:10:13

There's a clip that helps you change duvet covers?

DonkeyOaty Sun 28-Jun-15 22:30:34

Yes yes duvet cover clip thingie details pretty please

<misses point>

Ludways Sun 28-Jun-15 22:43:53

My mil is great and would never get me anything household, YANBU.

My dad once bought my mam a hand blender for Christmas. He got out of hospital eventually and never did it again! Lol

emms1981 Sun 28-Jun-15 22:55:59

My dh nan does this with me. I once got a pop up laundry basket the kind you get from the pound shop hmm the year before last I had a cheese board that had clearly been in a drawer for years, last year I had a callender that was to big to hang anywhere in our house. I used to get nice things so don't know what I did wrong

BuggersMuddle Sun 28-Jun-15 23:47:36

fredfred I'm rather glad my MIL doesn't get me a pegging kit (hideous or otherwise) that we er, won't use. Shower gel or cheap wine sound blardy wonderful tbh.

ASettlerOfCatan Sun 28-Jun-15 23:52:52

Fredfred why is a mil buying her dil a present odd?

I always got chocolate from mine. I am good with this.

Fatmomma99 Mon 29-Jun-15 00:17:49

fredfred - I'm with you!

3rdrock - you are describing my mother! I saw this thread earlier, but had to rush off and couldn't post, and now it's late and I'm tired and need to go to bed, but have to say:

My mother REGULARLY gives the WORST gifts. She re-gifts crap she has been given with no shame (possibly to the person who gave it to her in the first place). She gets really excited by awful catelogues through the door, scrutinises them carefully, and BUYS the crap and THEN gives it away as presents. (cue many bemused relatives at christmas, etc).

The worst one was when my DH and I got married we lived in a shared house for 3 years with my BFF as landlady. Finally got enough money to buy our own place, and my BFF/landlady took time off work to help us move and helped us pack, hump boxes, etc. She worked like a slave for 3 days (possibly glad to be rid of us!) My mum said "BFF/Landlady has been so great to you and DH, can I give her a present?" and gave her some horrible crusty bottle from the back of the drinks cabinet, which had obviously been there since the 70s. My mum HONESTLY thought she was saying thank you, and was GUTTED when I felt moved to say to her "this 'gift' was a total slap in the face". But I was moved to say something to mum because she really thought she'd been generous, but my BFF was really hurt to receive something so rubbish.

My mum buys FANTASTIC stuff for me. Like Fredfred said, it's cos she knows me.

I find myself strangely drawn towards Lakeland catalogues. Is it in the genes?

(sorry for all the caps - it's v late!)

Thatsafunnyface Mon 29-Jun-15 09:06:36

MIL visited recently and was ironing DH's work shirts (he normally does them himself). She told me that she'd take me to the supermarket to get some cleaning stuff to get rid of the yellow armpit marks and teach me how to apply it!! Like I give a fuck what colour his shirt pits are.. I actually LOLed

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