I would love some feedback. First off I was married for 11 years to a man who was more concerned with his family than with me. I didn't realize how bad until our first year of marriage. We had 2 children 6 years apart. We finally divorced after years of me tolerating he and his family's bullying and abuse of me. He and his family worked pretty hard at alienating my kids from me. Although we had shared custody I never worried too much about it because i was always a good loving mom and figured as adults they would figure out the truth and that would be that. I did not participate by bad-mouthing the ex and his family figuring that would play in my favor later on. Now my kids are 20 and 15. The 20 year old lives with the family who hates me so much. She knows the truth about it all now, but it hasn't changed her mind about her relationship with them. Then my son who is 15 prefers to live with my ex husband. They have a larger family than me (I am alone-no siblings or close family) and my daughter told me she would rather be there because there are more people to do things with. I am so incredibly hurt and in pain as they prefer to be with the other family I am considering disowning them. I just can't take this pain any longer. Am I being unreasonable? Too sensitive?
AIBU?
Surely you don't need to do anything as drastic as disowning them, but you would NBU to take a step back and try and protect yourself from this hurt a little. They are still young, and will probably want you to take a more active role in their lives again in a few months or years time.
It does sound really difficult though 
They don't have much wisdom or maturity. I think as they get older they are far more likely to wise up and actively spend more time with you.
Yes by all means take a step back. Have you ever specifically had any counselling to help you deal with how you feel about all of this; it may stop it being so unbearably painful?
Ginger
I understand.
I think we all tend to think right will win in the end. But unfortunately where children are concerned it's more complex than that, isn't it?
Don't disown them, but step back if you need to.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
It may be that your children have a very different experience of their fathers family and therefore it's difficult fOr them to understand what you went through. I don't think you are right to expect that kind of loyalty from your children anyway tbh. Things don't work like that. Obviously you had a horrible time but this is not your children's experience.
My mum and her siblings had an abusive childhood at the hands of my Nan. My mum still had contact when we were children and I was actually very close to my nan. I never saw the abusive side of her, she was lovely to us grandchildren and I really respect the fact that my mum didn't try to taint the relationship my nan had with her grandchildren in any way. It can't have been easy for my mum
Then my son who is 15 prefers to live with my ex husband
I thought this comment was interesting. You say 'ex husband' rather than 'his dad'. I think you need to try to separate your past relationship with him with your children's relationship with him.
Don't disown them...things may really improve in the future..they are still quite young and their views may change a lot in the next few years...sounds very tough for you though
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