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To ask for this (again)

(13 Posts)
SpringInTheStep Sat 27-Jun-15 12:52:08

It's not the first time.

I took the DC out this morning so DH could have a lie-in. He gets so tired by the end of the week, so we take it in turns. The deal was that as soon as I get home, DH will care for DC while I get my rest. I have MS so get ill if I don't rest regularly. It inconveniences both DH and I, but I have to factor in my rest or I can't even get through the day easily.

When I got home today, DH was beautifully rested and then said I have less than 30 minutes until we have to leave the house. He had arranged to meet a friend this afternoon.

I reminded him of our plan, and he said he would go and leave me with sleeping DC2, and we could join him and DC1 later. However he's overlooking the fact that in the past month, dc2 has been sleeping between 30-60 minutes (at best 45 mins). Only once all month did we have a full 2 hour sleep out of dc2. Despite knowing this, DH still wanted to leave the house and risk it, meaning that if dc2 only sleeps for 30 minutes then I don't get my adequate rest.

When I pointed this out he got arsy and said he would have to wake dc2 up and take both children. I didn't feel that was fair either.

He made out I am being unreasonable, but I think he's being selfish (again). AIBU?

Littlef00t Sat 27-Jun-15 14:14:27

Yep yanbu. He should be able to plan adequately and its not your fault if he can't.

GuybrushThreepwoodMightyPirate Sat 27-Jun-15 14:20:14

Yanbu, don't allow him to make it your problem (nor should you let him make it DC2's problem by waking him up either).

Smoorikins Sat 27-Jun-15 14:23:02

Is there another bit to this? Did he expect you home earlier and timed meeting his friend to fit in with what he expected to happen?

If not, yanbu.

SpringInTheStep Sat 27-Jun-15 15:35:59


No there isn't anything to add, if anything we were 5 minutes early.

AuntyMag10 Sat 27-Jun-15 15:39:31

Yanbu, so he got a full day of rest while you only get 30-60 min? That's not fair at all.

SpringInTheStep Sat 27-Jun-15 19:18:35

Well technically it wasn't a full days rest, but it certainly was several hours and nothing like the same provision made for me.

I think he keeps making out I am cramping his style and enforcing rules that he has to abide by, but actually I'm being fair in the relationship and he's not. Only he won't see it. Sometimes he's so strong on his view that I doubt my own (hence this Aibu).

littlejohnnydory Sat 27-Jun-15 21:11:35

Couldn't dc2 sleep on the way? Or do you usually all come home and stay in for the nap? Other than that YANBU.

SpringInTheStep Sun 28-Jun-15 08:24:41

The friends live 3 minutes away from us, which isn't long enough for either dc2 or me to sleep/rest.

DH told me that it boiled down to his preference to spending the sleep time at a friends house, over sitting at our own while everyone got their rest. In other words, it just didn't suit him. hmm

cariadlet Sun 28-Jun-15 08:31:02

If the friends are only 3 minutes away, couldn't DH have taken dc1, BUT on the understanding that you would phone him when dc2 woke up and that he would have to pop back home and collect dc2 so that you could go back to sleep.

SpringInTheStep Sun 28-Jun-15 08:45:10

3 minutes by car, 15 minute walk. He intended to walk, leaving me the car to join them later.

To be honest we didn't think of him taking the car instead, and DH leaving to come and pick up DC2 if he woke early. I don't think he'd have agreed because it would have meant turfing himself out in the car to collect us in the end, even if dc2 slept for a good long time.

But I'm not convinced it would have worked for me either, to be disturbed tbh. There is something about the need for my MS rest to almost reset the brain, and interrupted sleep would interfere with that process, rendering it much less useful.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Sun 28-Jun-15 08:50:21

I think he should take both kids and DC2 could try to nap in pushchair. That way you get lots of rest and DH meets friends earlier but still looks after both kids as promised.

SpringInTheStep Sun 28-Jun-15 12:46:51

The trouble is, dc2 was already asleep in bed. So that would have involved waking him by bringing him downstairs and putting him in the pushchair, which really is no different to just waking him out of his sleep.

I didn't think it was fair to wake DC just because DH didn't want to be in the house. It wasn't like they had time constraints such as cinema or a party.

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