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Unsure of how to approach this situation

(53 Posts)
Mummybear8 Sat 27-Jun-15 00:23:15

I'll try and keep this as short as possible and not drip feed but I'm so cross I need to vent...
I had my daughter shortly after leaving school which taught me a valuable life lesson in friends. I have a small number of friends and I like it that way. I have filtered out those who were not really "true friends", but merely people I tolerated back in school, and am very happy with this arrangement. My friends are very precious to me and I like to think I treat them well & vice versa.
Fast forward several years and I am currently 29 weeks pregnant with baby number 2. A "friend" who I haven't spoken to or seen in 4 years has tried calling me (I don't know where they got my number from as it's not the same one I had then). I suspect this has something to do with the fact I'm pregnant. It wasn't just once, I'm talking several times, several text messages and messages through social media in the last 24 hour period, calling me ignorant, asking how I am, telling me they miss me etc. I feel totally pestered and have had enough. They are exactly the sort of person that will just turn up at my house unannounced, as they did this the last time I saw them, 4 years ago.
I don't know how to approach this situation without causing myself unnecessary stress. On the one hand I don't want to talk to this person or acknowledge their constant badgering and hope they will get the message I'm not interested. On the other hand I fear they will not leave me alone until I clearly state I have no interest in being friends after all this time with no contact. (We weren't particularly good friends before anyway so I have no idea why they are so desperate to get in contact except for the fact that I'm pregnant and people do seem to crawl out of the woodwork when a life event like this happens...)
Please give me some advice if this has happened to you or even if it hasn't because I am bloody fed up! Thanks

nocoolnamesleft Sat 27-Jun-15 00:28:54

I suspect they're more likely to get the message if you actually send one...

MurielWoods Sat 27-Jun-15 00:38:34

You're a mother now. You don't have to put up with shit.

Tell them they can't come. End of conversation.

Mummybear8 Sat 27-Jun-15 00:40:10

Thanks for that invaluable advice. hmm I don't know what to say to make them understand I don't have any interest in re-developing a friendship after all this time without causing a massive argument I could really do without! I'm well aware I'm going to have to do something.

YouTheCat Sat 27-Jun-15 00:41:08

Just message them back this simple phrase: 'Fuck right off'.

Mummybear8 Sat 27-Jun-15 00:41:25

Thanks Muriel

Hopefully at some point soon I'll get some balls and do just that!

Mummybear8 Sat 27-Jun-15 00:42:32

I suspect that could be the only option YouTheCat...

WorraLiberty Sat 27-Jun-15 00:43:08

You haven't really explained why you don't like them?

Either way, seeing as you don't like them just send a text saying so.

If you know how to use social media, then you'll know how to block them.

Perhaps you're just a blast from the past, nothing more and nothing less, which is why they want to get in contact.

You're pregnant, you haven't won the lottery so it might not be anything to do with the baby.

In fact, I don't see why it would?

Suefla62 Sat 27-Jun-15 00:44:27

Text "not interested, leave me alone"

WorraLiberty Sat 27-Jun-15 00:46:23

That's a bit rude though Suefla don't you think?

The OP hasn't said this person has done anything wrong

SolidGoldBrass Sat 27-Jun-15 00:47:59

Send the person a message, either by text or email, saying 'I have nothing to say to you and no wish to hear from you. Do not attempt to contact me again. If you make any further contact attempts I will involve the police.'

It's OK to do this do someone you have no interest in who is bombarding you with texts and emails. It doesn't matter what s/he thinks of you. S/he has no right whatsover to a response from you or any more of your time or attention.

SolidGoldBrass Sat 27-Jun-15 00:49:43

Worra, this person is pestering the OP and calling her 'ignorant'. OP doesn't like the person and why should she? People who pester deserve rude treatment.

ReginaBlitz Sat 27-Jun-15 00:49:56

Sorry but you sound rude and harsh, just answer her for fuck sake

ReginaBlitz Sat 27-Jun-15 00:50:34

And she is ignorant?! hmm

Tessbrookes Sat 27-Jun-15 00:52:13

Am I missing something? What's the person wanting to get in contact supposed to have done?! confused

TheDuchessofBoxford Sat 27-Jun-15 00:53:01

You could be more diplomatic and say 'I'm fine thanks but very busy/tired as you can imagine. Thanks for the thought but I don't have time to meet up or really be in contact right now.' If they persist then try blocking!

WorraLiberty Sat 27-Jun-15 00:53:04

Solid the OP is being ignorant.

What's the big deal in acknowledging the fact someone from her past has taken the time to say hello?

She doesn't have to like the person, but so far she hasn't given any kind of reason for her ignorant behaviour towards this person.

People tend to crawl out of the woodwork just because someone's chosen to have a second child?

Not in my experience, and even if that was the case what's the problem in acknowledging?

CainInThePunting Sat 27-Jun-15 00:53:58

Reply saying, I'm sorry but you have got the wrong number, my name is X not Y.

PoundingTheStreets Sat 27-Jun-15 00:54:10

What happened 4 years ago for them to change from pestering you to dropping you? Can you recreate that?

Personally, I'd ignore. And if they turn up at your house, smile and politely tell them that now is not a good time and you don't know when will be then shut the door. Crystal clear but non confrontational.

textfan Sat 27-Jun-15 00:55:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty Sat 27-Jun-15 00:57:14

All the OP has said is that she likes a small, personal group of friends.

Nothing wrong with that, it's totally her choice.

But it doesn't make this person wrong for wanting to get in touch with her. Plus it's easy to drift apart from someone who has a baby shortly after leaving school, because their life will be totally different to the life of an average teenager.

WorraLiberty Sat 27-Jun-15 00:59:42

To those saying op rude and ignorant, since when was there a law saying we had to have a relationship with someone just cos they want to?

There's no law

But how does that not make the OP's behaviour ignorant?

Why would you think acknowledging a text means having a relationship with her?

lunar1 Sat 27-Jun-15 01:04:04

Have you checked why she is getting in touch? There may be a reason she needs to speak to you.

Mummybear8 Sat 27-Jun-15 01:10:44

At no point did I state they were a she. She is in fact a he. I don't like them because they are not a very nice person, do (illegal) things I can not tolerate to talk or think about and are not the sort of person I would want to associate with, hence why I haven't maintained a friendship with them for the last few years (as they haven't with me)! In regards to why I don't like them, I don't agree with their lifestyle choices, but know it's not my business to say, so choose not to be friends with them and that's all I want to reveal about that matter. Surely if you haven't spoken to somebody you only knew through school, for four years, you would safely assume the acquaintanceship was over?

SilverBirchWithout Sat 27-Jun-15 01:15:05

None of this makes any sense to me:

1. I have never heard of pregnancy making people you don't know very well want to be friends.
2. Do they just want to say congratulations?
3. What does the ignorant comment mean, was it in response to something OP has just done or something in the past?
4. What is the history of this friend?
5. Why can the OP just ignore them? Or just say sorry bit busy at the moment?
6. Is this friend male or female?
7. Is there additional information we don't know? Why are they bombarding the OP?

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