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to want to move house because of a neighbour?

(108 Posts)
Confusedmartie999 Fri 26-Jun-15 16:50:24

Have only lived here 5 months and signed into 12 month contract so can't go anywhere before then sad
They are making my life bloody hell, first it was knocking as the cat was going in their cat flap at night so now we chase the cat around all evening trying to catch him. I'm apokugised and bought them chocolates.
Then they knocked about him going in during the day at siting on their sofa.
Then they knocked about hearing the TV through the living room walls and today they saw me scuff another neighbours car ( mainly due to them coming around the corner and I thought they were going to stop to let me out and they didn't so I turned too much ) and as I got out to go and knock on the neighbours door said " not good not good " even know I was in tears with 2 young children in the back.
I can't live there any longer than I have to.

ThreeLeggedHaggis Fri 26-Jun-15 16:52:51

YANBU. You spend an awful lot of time at home and it should be a place you feel comfortable, relaxed and safe. Bad neighbours are just not worth it. At least there is an end in sight... put up a calendar and cross every day off until your lease expires!

JontyDoggle37 Fri 26-Jun-15 16:53:09

Generally I'm a very polite person, but having seen your other posts on this, in this situation I'm afraid I would just turn round, say 'oh fuck off!' (With appropriate levels of disdain in your voice) and keep walking. You haven't bougt the place, you don't need them to like you, so don't put up with it.

StonedGalah Fri 26-Jun-15 16:53:37

Sorry but they don't seem unreasonable. Are you being a bit too sensitive?

lunar1 Fri 26-Jun-15 16:56:40

How many times have they complained in 5 months?

GiddyOnZackHunt Fri 26-Jun-15 17:04:05

So from their POV your cat is a nuisance, your telly is loud and you had a scrape with another car?

msgrinch Fri 26-Jun-15 20:35:19

I don't think they're unreasonable at all, I'd flip if someone's cat kept coming into my house.

PtolemysNeedle Fri 26-Jun-15 20:37:31

How is the cat getting in their house? Is it because they're leaving doors and windows open because of the warm weather, or have they got a cat flap?

lampshady Fri 26-Jun-15 20:38:43

Why would your cat go in? Are they feeding it? I thought cats were timid towards strangers. Could it be confused due to the move? Do you have a catflap?

EducationalWelfareMakeMeCry Fri 26-Jun-15 20:43:10

If strange cats come through your flap, it's time to consider buying a more secure device.

Can you speak to your landlord about soundproofing the wall?

LastUnicorn Fri 26-Jun-15 20:46:14

Move next door to me, I'd bloody love to find your cat on my couch when I come home from work!
But I love grin
I think next time they complain about the cat using their cat flap Id ask what exactly they expect you to do? Guard their back door? Keep your cat locked in?

I don't understand the car thing, why was it anything to do with them?

Uhplistrailer Fri 26-Jun-15 20:51:23

Could you offer to buy an electronic cat flap for them? That pretty much the only thing that'll stop that problem bar keeping your cat in.

They sound pretty horrible about scraping the car. These things happen and you told the owners, don't beat yourself too much.

BelindaBagwash Fri 26-Jun-15 20:57:47

I had similar problems with neighbours complaining about things that were just part of everyday life. I put up with it to begin with as I didn't want to fall out with them but they just went from one thing to another.

With hindsight I think if I'd just said "Oh fuck off and get a life" the first time it happened, then that would have shut them up.

Aermingers Fri 26-Jun-15 21:03:25

YANBU about the cat. That's their problem. If you want a cat flap then cats can get in through it. If they don't want that to happen they should install a magnetic one.

Re the TV YABU. They shouldn't be able to hear that. And the car. That would annoy me. Did you stop to leave your details? YABVU to blame them for the scrape.

I think in essence they were out of order about the cat flap, but that doesn't absolve you from other annoying behaviour.

Aermingers Fri 26-Jun-15 21:23:44

Incidentally, about the cat. I lived in an area with a lot of foxes. We needed our cats in at night for their safety. We just didn't leave crunchies down and they would come back in the evening when we called them for food. That might be worth a try.

BelindaBagwash Fri 26-Jun-15 21:31:39

Our neighbours complained that our cat came in their house......they left their front door open a lot of the time.

Last year I was pestered with someone's cat coming in the cat flap. terrorising my cat in his own home and had to put a child lock on the fridge and freezer but there wasn't a lot I could do. Unless your neighbours have a cat flap with a chip on their cat's collar that only allows it entry, then there's not a lot they can do either.

CrapBag Fri 26-Jun-15 21:31:58

I'd be annoyed with a cat coming in. I love cats but I will chase them away, as one keeps shitting in the middle of my grass where the kids play football.

It's not their place to say anything about the car (unless I've read it wrongly and it was their car, I thought you meant another neighbour).

Was your TV too loud? I hate being able to hear other people TV. It's fucking annoying and unnecessary actually.

I think you are overreacting tbh.

Confusedmartie999 Sat 27-Jun-15 08:56:09

Thanks for replying.
They have a cat flap and when I asked why they don't lock theirs at night seeing as their cats are older and more indoor than mine ( who is 3 ) they said they weren't going back to a litter tray.
So to me that's their choice, I'll attempt to get him back every evening ( we have been successful every night aside from 2, both of which he has said in passing the cat had been in and he wasn't happy etc )
The TV wasn't loud, not music or anything and all the walls are well made here but that one where our TV was was where their sofa was under on the other wall so we moved the TV.
I have 2 young children and when we first moved in I asked if they could hear the kids playing etc and she said no so that's not annoying her.
The car wasn't their car so I can't imagine why anyone would find that annoying.
They know I'm a new driver, they saw me drive out old car with a massive dent in the side ( done by a van or lorry in a car park I think by the size of the dent but no one stopped and no CCTV ) and kept saying to me oh what did you do? Your husbands gone inside now you can tell us, what did you crash into? Laughing about it etc
So now they've seen that yesterday they will think that even bloody more
I didn't think there was even a mark on the car it was sudh a slight knock but as I turned I saw it so pulled over and knocked on the neighbours door obviously, there wasn't a delay or anything and I said to the neighbour I completely misjudged it but was taken aback as the other car came round the corner and stopped as if to let me go and then their lights came on so I thought they wre going to drive towards me and so attempted to turn and obviously did so too early. I hope the neighbour doesn't repeat that in a way I didn't say it as no doubt they will knock having a go at me about that too.
I just think they're nasty people to be honest, my son ( 4 ) a few weeks ago saw the cat on our fence and shouted at him to get down or the neighbour would tell him off so he used the broom in our garden to try and get him back ( wrong I know but I can see the logic as a 4 year old ) and he shouted over that it was no wonder the cat didn't want to come home.
I've never had busy body neighbours so this is all alien to me.

KatoPotato Sat 27-Jun-15 09:01:23

'Not good, not good' is hardly a lambasting, but not exactly helpful either.

Collaborate Sat 27-Jun-15 09:06:06

They're adamant they want their cat to be able to go out whenever they want, but aren't prepared to allow you to do the same? They could easily get one of those microchipped flaps. If they can't be bothered doing that, it mustn't be bothering them that much.

So, to sum it up, neighbour puts hole in door for cats, then complains when it's used by cats.

popalot Sat 27-Jun-15 09:19:18

Busy body neighbours are are like a tap dripping in the night. If you don;t mind moving, I probably would. Nothing you can do will ever be right. They're usually quite nosey and gather lots of info to use against you. It's a king of controlling behaviour. Your only real course of action in the meantime is to ignore them completely.

Don't chase your cat around in the night. It's put you in real catch 22 situation because there is no way you can control where your cat goes in the day. If it pisses them off that much they need to get an electronic cat flap. If they moan about it again say it again and if they say they don't want to buy one then ask them what do they think you can do about it? They know they're being unreasonable. Because they know there is nothing you can do about it. Don't worry about your cat going into their garden either - what can you do about that? Basically, I would think of them as being bored and lonely busy bodies and try and shut them out of your mind.

OrlyIC Sat 27-Jun-15 09:26:05

You need to be more assertive about the cat issue. Just sweetly smile and say that the issue is not your cat. The issue is that their cat flap is not secure. They need to secure it. End of.

I'd suggest that you stand up for yourself a bit more in day to day contact. Tell them it's fine, the dislike is mutual.

You are allowing yourself to be a victim when the circumstances are not really that bad I'm afraid.

Hope you can do it! smile

answersonapostcardplease Sat 27-Jun-15 09:28:57

Yes move.

Confusedmartie999 Sat 27-Jun-15 09:34:59

I feel like a victim to be honest.
I tried really hard when we moved in to be a god neighbour, knocked to introduce myself with a little card etc and feel they've just taken the piss out of me now.
They've never commented or knocked when my husband has Ben in, they would know when he's out as his work van wouldn't be there. We left London for this place and I wonder if they just don't like outsiders, they've made it clear in conversation I have heard in the garden how annoying having a rented property next door is so maybe it's that, I have no bloody idea.
It's so expensive to move having to find referencing fees van costs and a deposit upfront but I'm working as many evenings as I possibly can now to try and save it as this is making me downright miserable.
Even 7 months seems such a long time.
The quote for the damage was £510 £705 with labour so that won't be getting paid privately so god knows what the insurance will go up by now for us.
The scratches ran over both doors slightly so he wants the whole panels doing for a smooth finish.

TRexingInAsda Sat 27-Jun-15 10:05:05

Stop being a victim, just stop playing that role. You need to redefine the relationship roles you have accepted in your mind of them as the bullies and you as the victim to just 2 equal neighbours who don't like each other!

Them: "Not good, not good" You: "Oh just piss off" or "Yeah thanks, that's helpful" (eyeroll).

Them: "Your cat came in our cat flap again" You: "Yes, he's a cat. If you want a cat flap which only lets your own cats in, with special magnetic collars, then buy one. Otherwise, just shoo him out".

Try to mentally roll your eyes/say 'twat' under your breath when you feel they're bullying (not so they see/hear you, but to remind yourself you are not a victim, they're being a twat, so react accordingly).

You do have to pay for the car scratch though, obviously. But you don't have to grovel, just hand over the money and slam the door. You're not a child or a victim, don't let the make you feel like one, or act like one.

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