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About bridesmaids shoes?

(97 Posts)
mummyrunnerbean Fri 26-Jun-15 08:06:56

Getting married two weeks on Saturday and am worried I'm being bridezilla-ish, so just want to check before I reply to this:

DP's two nieces are being bridesmaids. A few weeks ago I told them the sort of shoes I wanted them to get and left it to the older one/ SIL to sort out, and said I'd pay them back. SIL's just emailed me to show me the ones they've chosen and older DN's are fine but I really don't like younger DN's... WIBU to email back to say I don't really like them, and if they're the ones she really wants she can wear them for the reception but not the ceremony, and suggest alternatives? I really don't want to be dictatorial and it seems ridiculous to be getting het up about a seven year-old's footwear choice, but I really don't like them. I will obviously pay SIL back regardless, and at the end of the day it's up to her/DN! Just worried I'm BU to object!

DeeWe Fri 26-Jun-15 08:10:23

My dc are bridesmaids this summer and I would have no issue with that.

In fact I said to the bride I was going to get white sandals and she asked if I could get ballet pumps instead. Had no problem with this at all.

diddl Fri 26-Jun-15 08:10:39

Are they at all bridesmaidy?

If so, then it's perhaps just too bad that you don't happen to like them.

If you really wanted them to have exactly your choice, then you should have gone yourself.

WestEast Fri 26-Jun-15 08:11:45

They're just shoes. Shoes.

bored1602 Fri 26-Jun-15 08:13:15

I think it depends on what she's chosen.

If they're the right colour (or a discreet colour) and it's just the design you have a problem with, then maybe you are being a little unreasonable.

If they're a particularly garish colour or something that blatantly doesn't match (think bright pink under a blue dress) then YANBU at all, it'd ruin the pictures and bother you all day.

But ultimately, you're paying for them so you have the right to choose whatever you like best, but maybe you should deal with it yourself? Maybe take her size, choose the ones you like (maybe an a couple of sizes and return the others) and offer to return the existing ones for your SIL.

mummyrunnerbean Fri 26-Jun-15 08:15:47

They're gold sandals with a big pink flower... I asked for white ballet pumps. Going myself made difficult by geography as obviously they need to try them for comfort! Argh maybe I should just run with it.

ScOffasDyke Fri 26-Jun-15 08:17:21

My cousins and I were bridesmaids for my aunt in the 1970s. Homemade frocks. No one could afford special shoes, we painted our normal school shoes with that stuff you use for whitening tennis shoes and washed it off next day.
It was a fab wedding, no one cared about the shoes!

NRomanoff Fri 26-Jun-15 08:18:54

Sorry Yabu, it's only a pair of shoes. She is 7, let her wear what shoes she wants. It's not going to ruin the day

WhatchaMaCalllit Fri 26-Jun-15 08:19:04

Any chance of a link to them or a photo of them so we can decide? If they look more like school shoes then perhaps you're not being brideszilla but if they are pretty (in a generic sense of the word) and just not to your taste, they might be what the bridesmaid likes and is (more importantly) more comfortable in, perhaps??? If it is the latter, then leave her away with them and don't spend another second thinking about them.

BoyScout Fri 26-Jun-15 08:20:30

Does the pink clash with anything? I think if you go back to them it should be with a reason other than you just don't like them.

diddl Fri 26-Jun-15 08:21:26

Ah, white ballet pumps. Not exactly hard to get wrong. Did the older one get white ballet pumps?

Is SIL after getting you to buy shoes that her kids will wear again?

diddl Fri 26-Jun-15 08:22:39

Do they go with the dress? Is it the flower that you don't like-is it detachable?

Jewels234 Fri 26-Jun-15 08:26:56

If you're paying then you get to make the call on whether she wears them or not. But I would expect you to find ones you like, not send your SIL out hunting for them.

mummyrunnerbean Fri 26-Jun-15 08:28:04

They're these. Actually looking this morning they're not as awful as I remember thinking they were in the early hours... But I'm really not a fan.

But consensus seems to be I am BU so possibly shall just sound slightly less enthusiastic about these than older DN's! I really don't want to give SIL hassle as she's got a newborn as well.

diploddycus Fri 26-Jun-15 08:28:38

I think SIL is wanting a pair of shoes that her DD will wear again. Does she know for sure you will be paying for the shoes?

But - no one will care about the little girls shoes, no one will even bat an eyelid at a bridesmaid wearing pretty-but-not-the-right-colour-sandals. They're just shoes. If it was school shoes I'd say YANBU but sandals.. Don't get annoyed about it, it's not worth it.

mummyrunnerbean Fri 26-Jun-15 08:29:11

I have found nice white ones that can also be ordered from tesco though so no extra hassle. Hrrm...

Silvercatowner Fri 26-Jun-15 08:29:25

It's shoes. No-one will notice.

diddl Fri 26-Jun-15 08:32:37

I think that they are absolutely revolting!

Is it a long dress such that just the foot of the sandal will show?

Can she at least send you a pic of them on with the dress?

It might not look as bad as I'm thinking, but the strap looks really bulky to me & as if it would be half way up the leg rather than around the ankle!

BasinHaircut Fri 26-Jun-15 08:35:41

How do you think SIL would react? If I were your SIL I'd be happy for you to tell me to change them, but maybe she is a bit of a diva and make a huge issue of it?

I wouldn't risk pissing anyone off a couple of weeks before your wedding over somethig like that TBH, but equally I know my SIL wouldn't ignore my request for ballet pumps or mind if I said I hated her choice.

SaucyJack Fri 26-Jun-15 08:38:08

No one will care what shoes your BMs wear other than you or them.

Being the bigger person and letting a 7 year old have the shoes they like would be good karma IMO.

diddl Fri 26-Jun-15 08:40:19

"No one will care what shoes your BMs wear other than you or them."

No, but that's why you pay though isn't it, so that they wear your choice?

mummyrunnerbean Fri 26-Jun-15 08:41:07

Glad it's not just me diddl blush. It's a knee-length dress in a pink that will either be dead on the colour of the flower or clash horribly. Unfortunately I have the dress as we took it back after DN tried it on as was easier for them than dragging it all up with them, so can't see a picture of it all together.

SIL is absolutely lovely - but as I say does have a newborn so I don't want to put her to trouble.

BlueBananas Fri 26-Jun-15 08:41:12

They're very different from what you asked then to get so I'd say YANBU, just say the colour won't look right, can she get something more like <insert more suitable shoes here> these?

CakeNinja Fri 26-Jun-15 08:41:56

They are nasty, I'll give you that!
They really are just shoes. No one else will give a shit what your 7 year old bridesmaid will be wearing on her feet.
You will have far better things to be doing on the day than staring at those monstrosities anyway, let it go.

Trills Fri 26-Jun-15 08:45:13

Those are horrible.

It is a bit thoughtless of SIL to buy those when she was askd to buy white shoes.

But it DOESN'T MATTER and nobody will notice or care.

Can you decide very strongly to not think about it? You have enough to think about.

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