to be struggling with the logistics of moving in together?(10 Posts)
Maybe I'm being thick, but I'm just not sure how it can work in practice.
DP and I currently live in separate houses, but the plan is that at some point in the next 6-12 months he'll move in with me. As well as his DC who he has 2 nights a week.
Space wise it's easily workable, although we'll need to use a room downstairs (currently unused, used to be my DCs playroom when they were little) as a bedroom, but that will mean each DC has their own decent sized room.
In terms of fitting everything in, we're both fairly ruthless declutterers, so I'm sure over a few months we can both get rid of anything non essential so there's room for everything we do need under one roof
The DC all get on, they're totally different ages so won't really have much to do with each other, especially as on some of the days DP has his DC mine are with their dad.
So that's the easy bit. What does worry me is that 2 of the days DPs DC are here are school days, and in morning traffic their school is an hour away (outside rush hour it's more like 40 mins). DP seems to think it's fine but I'm not convinced, as it seems a lot of travelling. Also at present DP works about 15 mins from the school so drops them at just before 9 and can still be at work for 9.15. He's applying for new roles and most are nearer me (as I'm closer to the city). If he gets one of those he'd have to put DC in breakfast club, and drop them off at 8. Which would mean leaving here at 7. Currently his DC don't get up before 8ish (his current house is 5-10 mins from school, their mums house is about 3 doors down from school.
So i just can't see it working.
It will work because it will. These things tend to find a way to do so.
The key is open and honest communication on all sides. And, yes, that includes your partners ex.
It'll be fine, they'll just have to get up earlier, they don't at the moment because they've no reason to but it doesn't make it impossible. Let your DP sort it out, he seems unphased so leave him to it
Yep, YABU. If his DC need to get up an hour earlier, then that's what'll have to happen. Simples.
Is there a backstory? Seems a tiny detail to get fixated on.
Well it's not an hour earlier. If he has to take them to breakfast club he'd need to leave here at 7. So they'd have to be up at 6.30. Now they get up at 8.30. So 2 hours. Plus it's an hour in the car every day (35 miles).
I foresee a lot of whinging from the DC and complaints from their mum about the amount of travel.
I'm sure they can't be getting up at 8.30 now, most schools open their gates at 8.50.
They can always nap in the car or take breakfast on the go.
My two get up at 6 every morning by choice, they read or play games until DH and I get up. It does mean they are crashed out asleep by 7.30 (win-win situation).
I'm not in a step-parenting situation so not sure how to handle his ex - it's all part of give and take I guess. She could choose to move them further away from you anytime (within reason) so things always change. Can your DP look for jobs between the two locations?
It seems slightly odd to me that you, and not your partner, are the one fixating on this, when he and his children are going to be the ones discommoded - what is it that is really worrying you about the situation? Is this potential problem - which, after all, won't be yours to solve, if it turns out to be genuinely problematic - really about something else that is bothering you about moving in together and blending your families? Are you nervous about it?
Your OP says they get up at 8. Well they will have to get up earlier. They are your dps children, it's his issue to work out. Is there a reason you are worrying about this so much?
That would worry me too - none of my kids find it easy to get up in the morning, but if your partner's kids are early risers it won't be too hard.
You can ignore any complaints their mother makes about travelling time - it's none of her business where her ex lives or how long it takes for him to get them to school, as long as he gets them to school on time.
Will you be expected to be up at 6:30 on those mornings? That's something that would worry me if I were in your position. I'd be constitutionally unable to do it. But of course it's actually your partner's responsibility, so if he accepts that, all should be fine.
They're not early risers, they've never had to be. They have to get up closer to 8 at DPs but at their mums it's later.
I can just foresee them moaning and complaining about the early starts, and then asking to stay at mums instead. Plus her not being happy about them doing a long motorway journey to school regularly.
I can just do without the potential upset I suppose. I leave at about 07.30 as do my DC so we're up around 6 or 6.30 most mornings.
Maybe I'm being negative. I know how difficult kids are to get up in the morning, I'm just worried this will result in them saying they don't want to come on school night or her saying they shouldn't.
I spoke to a couple of friends who said they wouldn't be happy if their DC had such a long journey before school or had to leave at 7am, which has left me concerned their mum may well feel similarly.
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