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to wonder how long sexual attractiveness lasts?

(47 Posts)
lifeisstrange Wed 24-Jun-15 23:09:38

Am 46 and have recently gone back to work (albeit temporary work) after being a SAHM for 13 years shock.

Am working in a school and naturally a lot of the staff (though not all) are younger than me. Have no idea how I come across to people but weird to be catapulted into a younger environment. Weird but good. Some people are respectful in the way that people are with older people (which really does make me feel old). Am getting to know people gradually however and I do think that changes things - you kind of stop being seen for the age that you are and become the person you are.

There is a teacher who is at the school two days a week who is lovely - kind / funny. He must be somewhere in his 30s - don't know where - around mid 30s maybe?

Have found myself realising I find him kind of attractive blush. It's a bit weird to then realise that it is unlikely he would be attracted back as I must be around 9 or 10 years older (roughly - maybe a bit less). It makes me feel sad. Not that I am sitting here pining over this person. It's just the sad thought that the days of being found attractive in that way are over sad.

So I have been wondering whether sexual attractiveness does have a cut off point? At 46 should I give up on the idea of any man finding me attractive again.

SaucyJack Wed 24-Jun-15 23:12:59

I don't think there is a cut-off point, but there I do think there generally comes a point where you become attractive and attracted to people of a similar age to yourself.

Unless you're Elle McPherson.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 24-Jun-15 23:14:11

He could definitely find you attractive.


Don't write yourself off.

AccordingToOurRecords Wed 24-Jun-15 23:15:09

You are 46 not blooming dead. I'm 47 and 1 year exactly into a new relationship. I fancy the pants off him and vice versa. Too old...pmff. The only person thinking you are old and unattractive sexually is...YOU.

textfan Wed 24-Jun-15 23:16:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fatmomma99 Wed 24-Jun-15 23:19:18

Focusing on the first sentence of your last paragraph, I think probably not. I've given some thought to this, because I have a much older husband (been married 20 years this autumn) and before we married he tried really hard to put me off, because the likelihood was he'd get old and die before I did.

And at the time (I was in my early 20s then) I kind-of abstractly worked it out, and thought I would be young enough to potentially meet and marry again. I reckoned at the time that given how much he smoked and drank, I'd be about 50.

I'm now 45, and not particularly attractive. I'm overweight and have terrible hair. And I'm not a very nice person, so I don't see men would flock to me.
But I have people around me who are single and gorgeous and definitely fanciable, even though they don't dye or botox. But they're confident, they know and accept themselves (very attractive traits).

I wouldn't recommend you pin your hopes on a particular person, especially a colleague and especially one so much younger than you, but wouldn't for a second write yourself off.

I'm sure there's someone out there for you!

Good luck with it! x

meandjulio Wed 24-Jun-15 23:19:26

I have a relative who started a new relationship aged 60 - love at first sight - they're still quite naughty together over 20 years later.

My only difficulty with this is finding myself having a 'HE'S cute' moment at work and realising that the person involved was probably born when Blair was prime minister, and feeling like a pervert. But I'm 46 and actual crushes tend to be on the more mature type, I love a silver fox. There's quite a senior chap at work who just looks too young, he's not my type at all, I need a bit of experience showing to get me going. [reminds self that I'm happily married]

meandjulio Wed 24-Jun-15 23:20:55

Sorry. What I meant to say, in terms of being actually relevant to your post, that the Nancy Mitford quote 'from kiddie car to hearse, darling, I couldn't know it better' fits here. Love and attraction have almost nothing to do with age.

Talismania Wed 24-Jun-15 23:25:17

No limit!

I know two women in their 60s who are very attractive.

And it's all subjective anyway. You will be attractive to someone no matter what your age, appearance etc

lifeisstrange Wed 24-Jun-15 23:40:50

Thanks all. Well that does make me feel better. No am not dead you are right according.

Lovely teacher just a passing thought, though nice to feel vaguely like that about someone. Have to remind myself that I might think I look as young as he does but I don't! !

Anyway, kind of not relevant as am married blush. This is the subject of a whole other thread (and has been many a time)... H very unaffectionate so this in part fuels a desire to be found attractive by somebody - ANYBODY. Well, maybe not anybody.

Momagain1 Wed 24-Jun-15 23:42:15

There is no age at which you should just give up, my grandmother remarried in her 70s, and not for convenience. i am hoping my really lovely mother gets such a chance.

Birdsgottafly Wed 24-Jun-15 23:53:23

I'm pushing away the 20 something security guard at my local Tesco Metro, I'm 47.

I walk around with my adult DDs, who get given the eye by men my age and older. They continually say WTF.

Thinking about it, I don't want a man who pervs off younger women, or one that only sees me as a piece of meat.

There should be more going on, when you get over 40.

A word of advice, start to look after your core strength and pelvic floor, before you need to.

Birdsgottafly Wed 24-Jun-15 23:55:18

X post, you need to rebuild the intimacy in your marriage.

TheFormidableMrsC Thu 25-Jun-15 00:16:28

Goodness, don't write yourself off OP! I am the same age of you and have had a lovely no strings relationship with a man a decade younger than me for the past year. I know that he finds me extremely attractive and that's lovely! However, what I will say is that we are looking for different things and that's where age is an issue. He wants marriage and babies, I have had my kids and am at the end of an horrific divorce (not connected to him by the way, I met him long after my husband left). I certainly don't think I have lost my sexual attractiveness. Also, my Dad remarried after the death of my Mum, he was still extremely handsome in his mid-sixties, his wife is 26 years younger and even now my Dad is 76, he remains so and she clearly adores him smile

TheFormidableMrsC Thu 25-Jun-15 00:17:21

Agree with Birds....

TheFormidableMrsC Thu 25-Jun-15 00:18:10

God I hate typos in posts! Same age as you, not of...sorry!

lifeisstrange Thu 25-Jun-15 06:34:17

Not sure it is possible to rebuild our intimacy as there are lots of issues h is difficult and controlling sadly.

Need to look after myself more and I think I will feel better. My teeth also need straightening as they really affect my confidence.

Was sat in the staffroom the other day and a few people (all younger than me though one of them must be around 40) were saying how good/young someone looked (the roughly 40 year old's cousin - he was showing the others a picture of her) at 36 hmm. I was thinking - 36 IS young. The 40 year old started cracking jokes with one of the TAs saying she is 46 (which she obviously isn't).

I was thinking god they're a bit stoopid of course from their perspective (20s and 30s) mid 40s is ancient. Felt kind of ashamed to be sitting there actually the age that they were joking about. That's when I miss my friends who range from late 30s to mid 50s and who I suppose just have more life experience and maturity in a way. That sounds judgemental and I have been there too - thinking 40s is ancient. Am really pleased in general to have met younger people as was getting stuck in my age bracket in a way and was terrified of them. It's mainly that I don't like feeling old!

Exercise, diet and clothes might go some way to making me feel better! Thanks for your messages.

emms1981 Thu 25-Jun-15 07:23:12

I'm 33 and the only man to ever look twice at me has been my dh. So doesn't matter what age I am.

GhettoFabulous Thu 25-Jun-15 08:06:54

I'm 46 and was on a date with a 23 year old last night :stealthboast:

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Thu 25-Jun-15 08:13:19

Cougartastic grin

MindMaking Thu 25-Jun-15 08:18:56

FWIW OP I think you are paying far too much attention to age. In any workplace, you are going to find a large range of ages working there. Often, other people don't find this analysis of age very interesting. And in your forties, you are hardly at retirement age, when it might be important, so whats the point in focussing so much on it?

People can look good at any age, and many people look younger than they do due to good genes and life choices. But I guess you wouldn't know, because you would assume they are younger anyway.

carabos Thu 25-Jun-15 08:26:40

I think in general its true that you tend to be attractive to and attracted by people of a similar age - with the notable outliers of middle-aged men with much younger women. I very rarely look at a younger man and see him in any other way than I see my two DS (both in their 20s).

It does come as a bit of a blow however when you are forced to see yourself as others see you grin. I was out with colleagues on Friday night, drink was taken wink and one of them, a young man of 30, said to me "I bet you were pretty sexy and gorgeous when you were..." And tailed off in response to my hmm look without actually uttering the word "young".

Thankfully my DH, same age as me (52) thinks I'm still sexy and gorgeous and congratulates himself on a regular basis grin.

Nature is cruel, we're all subject to biology, and women past reproductive age are, at an atavistic level, less sexually desirable than women in their reproductive prime.

Wherediditallgoright Thu 25-Jun-15 08:27:21

I think if you act old and keep telling yourself you are old then that's how you come across.

Exh has turned into his 70 year old father with his old-fashioned taste in music and clothes and general giving up.

I know people younger than me (early 50s) going on about their various ailments, going to bed early, moaning about teenagers.

They attract attention to their age all the time.

When you mix with younger people, don't draw attention to the difference in your ages. What's the point in that?

Bottom line is sexual attractiveness can last if you are fun, lively and interested in things.

Charley50 Thu 25-Jun-15 08:46:28

Your marriage doesn't sound like it's doing you any favours tbh in terms of feeling sexually attractive or anything else.
I'm 45 and it's totally to do with clothes hair and confidence. My same age DP finds me v attractive and other guys mainly notice me only if I make a special effort with how I look. I think it's definitely having a rethink of your look.. I though I still looked like a clubbing trendy free spirit but in reality I had started to look a bit frumpy. So I got a bit more with the programme fashion wise and again I feel that how I look reflects my inner 27 year old.

derxa Thu 25-Jun-15 08:48:43

Dear OP You have lost your sparkle and need to find it again. The sparkle is nothing to do with beauty as conveyed in women's mags. Go ahead with weight loss and other things which make you feel better. However the most attractive thing is enjoyment of life. Don't let these younger ones make you feel frumpy etc. Get stuck in and join in with their jokes. The attractive teacher isn't a cause for concern. It's a good sign that you want to live again. It might improve your marriage because you are becoming more confident. It might give you the impetus to go it alone if that's what you're hinting. You need to stop putting yourself down.

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