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To think I have been given the brush off?

(11 Posts)
CrohnicallyAspie Wed 24-Jun-15 21:06:59

As my name suggests, I have Asperger's syndrome so sometimes struggle with social situations and either miss glaringly obvious points, or read into things that aren't there.

I recently texted a friend to ask if she fancied meeting up the next day after work. By the time I finished work the next day, I hadn't had a reply so sent another message asking if she got my text. She replied that yes she had received it, but she forgot to reply. Just that- no 'sorry' and no answer to my original question about meeting up.

I think she's clearly not interested in me but my DH is trying to say she's just got other things on her mind at the moment and I should cut her some slack. Who do you think is right?

ImperialBlether Wed 24-Jun-15 21:09:49

Well, neither of you know, actually, so in your position I just wouldn't send another text until I'd heard from her. Some people are just bloody rude!

KayAdams Wed 24-Jun-15 21:12:46

I'd be sensitive to this as well, so I don't think Asperger's has got anything to do with it - so be kind to yourself on this one.

Hmnn, hard one to answer. Your DH might be right, after all, she may have lots of things on, but if this was me then I would be going through my head thinking of all the ways I might have upset her. I would expect a "Sorry, got to work late / have plans / need to do the ironing" response as well.

Tell you what, cut her some slack this time, then see what happens the next time. I had a friend who blew hot and cold all the time so after a few years of being best friend / ignored completely etc I eventually dissolved the friendship. I miss her, but I feel better about it in the long run.

sonjadog Wed 24-Jun-15 21:13:07

You DH may be right or you may be right. Impossible to tell. If you would like to keep the friendship going, I'd wait a few weeks and try again. If she doesn't reply, then I would move on.

Nevergoingtolearn Wed 24-Jun-15 21:13:09

I would feel the same as you, this is the reason why I don't have many friends grin, if I text asking a question I expect a straight answer, it's not hard to say 'yes' or 'no'. I wouldn't bother texting her again, wait and see if she texts you.

kitkat1989 Wed 24-Jun-15 21:15:20

totally agree you cant know which of you is right... i, like yourself, would be thinking id been given the brush off as it has happened to me so many times and like your oh mine would say the same just got other things on.

we now agree to disagree, make an effort when needed i e around birthdays and xmas but otherwise i dont bother unless they do...

an example being one had a baby around 2 weeks ago... i txt middle of lst week about popping round to meet him, got no reply until 3 days later when i txt again to which i got ill let u know im a bit stressed and not up to it yet, they then posted a picture of them meeting up with another friend of ours the next day. iv taken that as a brush off like yourself and decided ill meet the baby when she wants to make the effort with me, until then im not fussed.

its not worth your time honey iv come to realise id rather have no friends than ones who dont have time for me xx

Gabilan Wed 24-Jun-15 21:15:30

Difficult to say. It does sound a bit disinterested but it might just be that she's snowed under and has her own stuff going on. It is a bit rude of her though. Agree with Imperial - I'd wait for her to make contact. If she doesn't, well she wasn't that great a friend.

CrohnicallyAspie Wed 24-Jun-15 21:18:05

I'm not inclined to text her at all at the moment- this isn't the first time she's acted like this, however the last time it somehow got turned back on me and it being my fault. So I really don't want to be the one who is seen as rude here. It's complicated, but we can't really avoid each other as it would mean cutting out a lot of other people in my life. Otherwise I'd drop her, no question.

kitkat1989 Wed 24-Jun-15 21:19:39

i would just leave her to it and if she wants to get in touch she can. that way your not making it difficult around your mutual friends but then youre also not having to deal with the stress of how shes being

Gdydgkyk Wed 24-Jun-15 21:22:26

Just be polite to her, be nice but don't invite her to meet alone.

minkGrundy Wed 24-Jun-15 21:27:05

kit i wouldn't be too tough on your friend. When my babies were little I really, really couldn't cope with visitors. No matter how much I wanted to see them. It may be that the other friends gave her v little choice or that just happened to be good day. Just ask again in a couple of weeks.

OP that is a bit thoughtless but I'd interpret that as, had a lot on, forgot to reply, when she did reply she assumed it was too late to meet up. But tyen I usually give ppl the benefit of the doubt.

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