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Colluague that lies constantly

(27 Posts)
wakeupandsmellthecoffee Wed 24-Jun-15 17:59:07

Ok help me for the love of god I'm not coping with her constant lies and one upmandhip.

ImprobableBee Wed 24-Jun-15 18:04:56

Is this an AIBU?

AliceScarlett Wed 24-Jun-15 18:06:26

At least try and phrase it in an aibu way!

wakeupandsmellthecoffee Wed 24-Jun-15 18:12:31

Sorry posted too soon
How do people cope with people who lie constantly in a work environment
What do you say to them when they lie to your face
Do you call them on it or go away and quietly Seeth.

RonaldosAbs Wed 24-Jun-15 18:17:14

If they're lying about work related matters, then they need to be called out, preferably via a manager.

If they're lying about personal stuff or one upping about personal stuff, then yes, it's irritating, but it doesn't really affect you past that. I just let things like that go, you have to have dreadfully low self esteem to behave in such a way so I just feel sorry for them.

molyholy Wed 24-Jun-15 18:18:34

A previous line manager of mine used to do this. And I mean, some of her lies were corkers! At first I used to question the scenarios etc., but then it got to a point that I used to love going in to work to find out what tall stories I was going to hear. I found it hilarious in the end. I will just say, some of her stories included Madonna and Alan Sugar grin. You know its all bollocks, so just let them talk shite whilst thinking about what you're going to have to tea

viva100 Wed 24-Jun-15 18:28:55

Depends on the kind of stuff she lies about

ememem84 Wed 24-Jun-15 18:41:58

An ex colleague of mine did this. I just used to say uh huh. And wander off.

Or sometimes call her on it. Depending on my mood (and if I knew I could prove she was lying)

wakeupandsmellthecoffee Wed 24-Jun-15 18:43:22

She makes bad choices in work (teaching assistant )and then lies to get out of it
She is asked to do something and can't be bothered so lies to get out of it
She lies to stir trouble between colleagues
She says people have said things about someone when they haven't
These are the minor things she has told some very serious lies but I
wouldn't put these on an Internet forum
She is on a written warning for one thing
She was told not to say anything but then told a few of us she was on a written warning and not to say anything as she could get the sack if the SLT found out

wakeupandsmellthecoffee Wed 24-Jun-15 18:56:37

It's just constant
When asked to do something that she doesn't want to do she lies to get out of it
She says people have said things about someone when they haven't

She dosnt pass on messages when asked if it doesn't suit her cause

She is already on a written warning for a serious incident
They told her not to say anything or she could be sacked
The same day she told s few of us but said don't say anything as she could get sacked

She is a teaching assistant
but acts like she knows all the info and makes out the teachers tell her things so she acts high and mighty

She had some privilege information because she works in the school
She told her child this information who promptly told everyone else.
She then coerced him in a lie to cover her tracks and then named two colleagues and said he had heard them talking about it to get out of the lies she had told
She scares me because how do you defend yourself against a liar

wakeupandsmellthecoffee Wed 24-Jun-15 18:58:53

Doh posted twice sorry

x2boys Wed 24-Jun-15 19:05:28

lies can be very dangerous my sil was a terrible lier she died suddenly ten weeks ago and because of all the lies she told its torn our family apart i hate liers.

Whatisaweekend Wed 24-Jun-15 19:11:22

I would see if I could get concrete proof of several incidences of her lies eg email trails etc and then take them to the relevant authorities. I couldnt really give two hoots about lies if, for example, she worked in retail or whatever but this woman is in a position of trust which, from your post, she seems to be abusing regularly. Have any of your colleagues mentioned this to you? Strength in numbers is a good thing....

PHANTOMnamechanger Wed 24-Jun-15 19:18:51

if she's on a warning, surely they are on to her and it won't belong before she's sacked for either incompetence or gross misconduct. In fact I would bet they ARE on to her, and want rid (she sounds totally unsuited to a TA role TBH!). But they will have to abide by all employment law to ensure they cant be taken to a tribunal for unfair dismissal.

keep records of anything and pass it to line manager.

I hope shes not in my kids school!!

MrsItsNoworNotatAll Wed 24-Jun-15 19:20:28

Lying pisses me off. Liars are usually backstabbers and twofaced twats as well. Horrible people who make the workplace shit.

StupidBloodyKindle Wed 24-Jun-15 19:20:46

If she is on a warning then senior management have already got her number.
You just need to make sure you are never dragged in.
That means putting all requests in to her via email so you have a record (if it feels false as usually verbal, then do it as a follow up email, adding an extra idea/detail eg Dear Fib Roll, further to what I asked you to do today lunch for such and such a date, can you do this/this link might help/etc ) When it does not happen e mail again: You told me today such and such bullshit for not doing x, please do it by.../the result is.../Have spoken to your scapegoat who knows nothing of it.
Do it for everything. Log all the lies (date time bollock)
Do not engage with any gossip or he said she said. Just make an excuse to walk away.

zzzzz Wed 24-Jun-15 19:30:40

Is she 1:1 or class tA?

If 1:1 please please please watch everything.

VoldemortsNipple Wed 24-Jun-15 19:49:14

I've worked in similar situations to this and had run ins with people making trouble to make themselves look better. I also work with children. Now if anything happens or could potentially happen, I make sure I can back my own actions up.

For example, we recently had a co worker who was not pulling her weight but would be quick to say anything to get herself out of the shit. So I made sure that she had opportunities to make sure her work was done and offered help whenever possible. But I backed myself up by letting the senior staff know how I was supporting her so she couldn't say she didn't know or wasn't given time etc.

TidyDancer Wed 24-Jun-15 19:58:00

I have a friend who worked with a compulsive liar. His stories ranged from owing a mansion-style house to being a brain surgeon (it took him just two years to achieve this). She would regale us with his latest tall tale whenever we went out. You won't reform people like this. You can only control who you react to them, not what they say.

takemetomars Wed 24-Jun-15 20:33:18

I manage someone behaving in a very similar way. I have flagged her behaviour to senior management but no-one seems to have a clue how to tackle this. She lies about other members of staff/work matters as well as personal stuff and the more stressed/unhappy she is the more it escalates!
Interested in more solutions. This is the most difficult staff issue i have ever had to deal with

bertsdinner Wed 24-Jun-15 21:27:09

I worked with a guy like this, he was not so much a liar as a complete fantasist. He used to brag about living in a huge house in very upmarket town, and he actually lived in a terrace in a not so nice town.
He was ignoreable most of the time but he started telling huge lies. He was a Catholic and always used to go on about his problems being gay and a Catholic. Then one day he announced he was, actually, Jewish.
When someone expressed surprise, he accused them of being anti-Semitic.
He eventually sacked, as he lied about our boss bullying him. I always felt quite wary of him as if you upset him (and it didn't take much), he would lie about you, say you were bullying him/were homophobic/picking on his religeon.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee Thu 25-Jun-15 06:28:30

Will just have to see how the day goes today and see who's on her hit list.
Seriously the end of term can't come soon enough.

albertcamus Thu 25-Jun-15 08:40:29

I'm a teacher and have to deal with a colleague who lies constantly, about everything, indulges in attention-seeking behaviour eg 'coughing/choking fit' in every meeting, stirs trouble, back stabs, winds the kids up deliberately, seeks to divide the team, and appears to enjoy the hurt & upset she causes.

Everyone else at the School, especially the kids, are lovely and professional. The previous HoD left because of her.

Nothing is done because it's very difficult for SLT or anyone else to say: 'Please stop lying and attention-seeking' if that's the individual's personality, they can only deal with events as they occur.

TheCatsMother99 Thu 25-Jun-15 10:03:53

I used to work with someone like this. Everyone knew what she was like and either ignored her, pretty much called her out on it or replied explaining that she had already told us a different story which meant that one couldn't be true. All colleagues were pretty passive aggressive about the whole thing though and never directly called her a liar although we all knew it.

The girl was terrible at her job and eventually management gave her a formal warning with a view to actually get rid of her. Not long after that she signed herself off work with stress for 4 or 5 months and eventually was paid off by the company as we were all left in limbo without someone doing that job but we couldn't re-hire till we knew whether they were going to come back or not.

Liars always get found out and I imagine your liar will be gone soon too.

Sazzle41 Thu 25-Jun-15 20:47:25

Keep a work diary for yourself. Keep a written record of everything you ask her to do and what she does or doesnt do in response. After every conversation write down notes of what was said and agreed. If you have emails , then email it to her saying so we both cant forget what we are doing this week. If you dont have emails, have a 'task book' or work book where weekly, you set out tasks, weekly goals that you discuss and agree on but you keep: so she can't 'edit'.

I had a teaching assistant withh a goldfish brain so resorted to a task book. I never did figure out if it was memory or cant be arsed but it did sort the attitude of oh 'this is a pass the time hobby not really a job' that she had.

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