This is sort of light-hearted and sort of serious.
DS1 is three and undergoing diagnosis for ASD. It should go without saying that I love him but with this sort of thread it's probably best I state it explicitly! I do love him. He is intelligent, funny, charismatic and can be so caring and sweet.
He's also incredibly hard work! He pushes and hits his little brother often, he shouts at the top of his voice or screams or bangs things constantly. I mean constantly. He's a wall of sound and having a few many ASD traits myself, I find this really hard to deal with. He grabs things he knows he can't have (will drag chairs/toys to climb on and reach things and can easily open all the baby gates in the house), draws on walls/cupboards/the floor given half a chance, throws things, walks round the room tipping out every tub of toys he comes across, he spits, he scratches, kicks (people and things). Telling him 'no' makes him laugh (if he acknowledges you at all), ignoring him makes him act worse and worse to get attention.
Even my mum - who has four kids (one with diagnosed AS), worked as a childminder for years and ran a playgroup and is normally the sort of person who just has to give a child a stern look for them to do exactly what she says - struggles to get him to do/not do things.
I don't really like the idea of the 'naughty step' and everything I've read suggests it doesn't work well with ASD kids anyway.
I really want to smack him sometimes! I wouldn't. Aside from whether it's an ethical way to treat children, I know all studies have shown it doesn't work. I also know I'd feel like shit as soon as I'd done it. But when he's spent two hours deliberately winding me up...I really want to!
I think the fact he's so high functioning makes it really easy to overlook the fact he can't help many of his behaviours. His vocabulary if very, very good for his age so it makes it seem like he's totally in control of his actions, even though he's not.
So, am I being totally unreasonable and a truly hideous mum to even think I'd like to smack my child?
AIBU?
...To Really Want to Smack DS1?
LadyNym · 24/06/2015 15:24
You are not a bad mum, but a very stressed one!
I work with teenagers with ASD and its exhausting, and of course I can go home at the end of my shift. Parents have this 24/7 and are often at the end of their tether, not to mention exhausted.
Is their any help you can access in your area? Sure start or home start schemes?
If you want I will gladly research any resources in your area if you PM me your location. I'm more than happy to help, as I know how hard living like this can be from the parents of the children I support 
You are me.
DS is almost 7. When unstressed and with his routine nicely placid, he is the ultimate delight. He's doing brilliantly at school. But when it goes awry, I swear he's possessed. Angry, violent, hostile, demand-avoidant, and controlling.
ASD parenting is hard. There are rewards, too, that you don't get with neuro-typical kids, but my God is it hard. I send . I was told once that spectrum kids typically tend to mature later, so you're dealing with the terrible twos when they are three or four, or even later.
I did once smack DS when he was three. He'd been attacking me, and then he picked up a book, and slowly ripped off the front cover, watching me all the time. I smacked. Best part? The book was Raising Happy Children. 
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