WIBU to tell her to stop bragging ?

[Myfoofneedspruning]

Hi there,

I'm ready to be kick in the arse if needed , my best mate moved to Italy about a year ago with her Dh and ds. She is not working and is mainly the main carer for her sons as her Dh travels a lot with work. She is really happy about this move, they managed to buy a big house there etc... Now it's where I started to have a problem after few months of her being there...everytime she sends me texts its to tell me that's it's really hot where she is, I have millions snaps of her sunbathing. She talks a lot about her pool, about her house etc...yes I admit that 90 % of the time I'm ok with but some other time I'm fed up because she knows I'm working 55 hours a week, that Dh and I are having problems...etc and she doesn't really ask about that.

Yesterday, I have asked her if you could stop bragging a bit after being told about the last great thing she is getting at her new home. She exploded saying that I was mean, that I was so lucky to have my Dh back at home every night to help with the ds, to have a cleaner, to have food delivery etc...I know it must be hard to have her Dh gone for some periods of time but at least she doesn't have to work, doesn't have to worry about paying the bills, its for her Dh to worry about.

All I wanted for her was to be a bit more sensitive to my feelings.

So what do you all think ?

[Sandbrook]

I think it works both ways, you want her to be more sensitive to your feelings but you don't seem to be very sensitive about hers.

It sounds like you are jealous of her new set up and this is clouding your judgement

[RabbitSaysWoof]

I would think she was selfish and boring YANBU. If I knew my friend was having problems or stressed in general I would make a point of asking how they are.

[BadLad]

I can see why it would get tiresome but you could have found a more tactful way to piss on her excitement chips than calling her out for bragging.

[popalot]

Having lived abroad, it isn't the holiday she might be portraying in her sunbathing snaps. It can be very isolating and incredibly boring. She might be making up for this by posting the usual 'look how hot it is' shots. But actually, you get used to the heat/sunshine and you crave the seasons of the UK. You crave the solid company of your long term friends and not people you have only just met and who come and go all the time. Even the pool becomes normal and, well, just a bit boring when you don't have anyone to enjoy it with.

So, you probably had no idea but her answer suggests she is a bit lonely. Maybe you could ask her how she's really getting on. And book a holiday to visit her.

[haveabreakhaveakitkat]

Sounds like she may not be as happy as she makes out and feels the need to 'brag' to convince herself that she's happy.

Can't be easy moving to a new country and having your dh being away a lot.

[Myfoofneedspruning]

Yes the green eyed monster shows up sometimes after a particularly shit day ! I admit that

[Pagwatch]

Is she really happy there?

If I moved to Italy to a big house with a pool and my children I would effectively be totally isolated.

People bragging is often a sign that they are not very happy, making up for something.

If she is your friend I would talk to her. If you don't like her anymore just let the friendship go.

[WorraLiberty]

I'm not sure she is bragging really, but she's certainly being insensitive.

You could probably have found a more stealthy way of getting your message across to her though.

[Ragwort]

Can't you just ignore her 'bragging' or make a comment like 'very nice' and then change the subject? You don't need to look at the photos if you don't want to.

[Myfoofneedspruning]

I have booked an holiday to visit her, not sure if I'll still be welcome !

[pinkyredrose]

Christ OP is she really your best mate? You don't seem to like her that much.

[Myfoofneedspruning]

I love her, it's just yesterday I found myself annoyed with her.

[Pantone363]

I'll bet my last dollar she's bored out of her mind. She's trying to make herself feel better by affirming to you how fabulous her life should be.

[Myfoofneedspruning]

I always text her every day asking if she is ok, same for her. We do have a strong friendship but yesterday I just got annoyed.

[Spog]

She's probably homesick.

[Myfoofneedspruning]

Pinky - no yesterday I admit I didn't like her very much

[Nettletheelf]

Her texts are a bit ME, ME, ME aren't they?

I'd find that irritating. I agree with previous posters, though: I think she's lonely.

[Myfoofneedspruning]

She says she hates England and will never comes back do I don't think she is homesick !

[Myfoofneedspruning]

I just wanted to make her feel aware of how she sometimes make me feel...I was too abrupt

[Skiptonlass]

its hard to move abroad - I'm an expat and I found it more challenging than I'd have thought. Even though my life has changed massively for the better, I still have days where I struggle. It's a struggle to learn the language, and you go through periods of feeling quite isolated and alone.

I think she's probably a mix of genuinely happy and wanting to share, and lonely/isolated in a new country. And you're under a lot of stress. And there's no tone in text messages.

I totally understand your feeling she's bragging, but I think she is trying to reach out to you. If I were you I'd send her a text along the lines of "sorry, been working crazy hours, stressed with Dh and lost it. I miss you and I don't want to fall out with you, just feeling quite down and the pool/good weather got to me. Lets talk properly next weekend and you can tell me how you're settling in."

I bet when you talk to her you'll find that it's not all roses.

[Pagwatch]

You understand that someone who is desperately trying to make a situation work would big up the good side and be dismissive of anything negative.

I think this change may have tested your friendship and revealed that it's not actually very strong. I'd move on.

[ChipsOnChips]

In the nicest possible way if she has just moved there and doesn't work she probably has nothing else to talk about other than the house and weather. So it's not necessarily bragging rather just her sphere of experience at this particular time.

You say she hasn't asked you about your marital problems. By same token have you asked her how she is dealing with her DH being away and settling in?

[QuiteLikely5]

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Be happy for her. Take her comments the way they are intended. They aren't intended to make you feel inferior are they?

[Ragwort]

She might be your 'best friend' but surely texting every day is a bit much and a bit teenagerish? . Wouldn't a once a week proper phone call be better, it's so easy to take things the wrong way by text and there is no proper 'conversation'.

[ChipsOnChips]

And it's hard to have a conversation by text you can only really ask how someone is and then write a sentence or two re what you're up to.