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To think most people do enjoy a good gossip?

(59 Posts)
AdventureBe Mon 22-Jun-15 09:37:36

On here, any hint that you might be prone to gossip is met in a very judgemental way.

IRL, the only people I've met who say they object to a bit of gossip are the ones who love it the most. Most aren't spiteful about it, but everyone likes to hear some "news" about mutual acquaintances.

FenellaFellorick Mon 22-Jun-15 09:44:05

It depends on the gossip really.

I don't like hearing nasty, spiteful or awful things about other people and I don't like someone who enjoys telling me those things because I think it's unkind, it makes me question what sort of person gets pleasure from the misfortunes of others and also I know damned well they're talking about me like that to others and I don't feel comfortable with that. I find that responding with sympathy shuts those people up. Did you hear about X :fake sympathy tinged with glee voice, thigh rubbing: they <insert personal and awful thing> :sympaglee and thigh rubbing:
me-oh dear, that's awful, poor X
thigh rubber- oh yes of course :tumbleweed:

I do, however, enjoy hearing news about other people and things that are going on in their lives, yes. Absolutely.

cuntycowfacemonkey Mon 22-Jun-15 09:45:08

I agree. I never spread gossip and would never share something told in confidence but I must admit I do not object to hearing it from others blush. (unless it's particularly bitchy and unkind)

haveabreakhaveakitkat Mon 22-Jun-15 09:48:53

I'm not a very chatty person so don't tend to hear much gossip.

One friend told me something about a friend of hers (just a casual acquaintance of mine) that was so personal and sad that it shocked me and I've avoided gossipy friend ever since.

SquiddlyDiddlyDoo Mon 22-Jun-15 10:00:58

There are a lot of sanctimonious people in the world, and unfortunately a high concentration of them on mumsnet. The vast majority of people like gossip - it's human nature to be interested in other people's lives because we're social creatures.

I am happy to say I love a good gossip and quite frankly anyone that says they don't is unlikely to be telling me the truth.

MissBananaMama Mon 22-Jun-15 10:06:32

Everyone loves a good gossip. There is a line though. Anything particularly nasty I avoid. Also depends on the person you're gossiping with. For example, my best friend and I tell each other all the stories we hear and we trust each other to keep to ourselves. However, if someone I wasn't so close to told me information about someone else that was totally irrelevant to me or them then I'd wonder what their motives are. There's a difference between having a gossip and being a gossip IMO

FayKorgasm Mon 22-Jun-15 10:09:34

If they gossip to you they will gossip about you.

prorsum Mon 22-Jun-15 10:10:58

"For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in our turn?" Mr Bennet, Pride and Prejudice.

I think a lot of MNetters are hypcritical about this issue, the site is full of gossip about other people, it's just coached in different terms.

AdventureBe Mon 22-Jun-15 10:13:59

But does it matter Fay? If only I had such an interesting life, but if people are talking about what I've been up to why would that be a bad thing?

As I said, I don't think most people are spiteful about it, but so and so is expecting, thingy has a new boyfriend/car, poor whatsit is really poorly aren't these the things that make us human?

manicinsomniac Mon 22-Jun-15 10:17:15

I'll admit to enjoying gossiping. It's something I'm working on but I keep getting sucked in.

I agree there's a line though. And it's immediately obvious when it's crossed. The atmosphere goes from light, bubbly and chatty to heavy and you suddenly feel hot and like you shouldn't be there. That's when I know it's gone too far.

SomewhereIBelong Mon 22-Jun-15 10:20:21

I loathe gossip.

I agree with Fay - if they gossip with you, they will gossip abut you.

General chit chat about your own life and stuff that is happening around you is fine - gossip suggests another level - talking about stuff that is happening in someone else's life when they are not there - not a nice thing to do.

FayKorgasm Mon 22-Jun-15 10:23:59

You don't know if gossip is true or not. Would you like some half truth story being passed around about you?

Fabulassie Mon 22-Jun-15 10:26:03

I do love gossip. LOVE IT.
I don't like to spread spiteful rumours, but I am not always adverse to hearing them.

But I think when we say "gossip" we primarily mean unpleasant stuff. "Mary had her baby - it's a girl" isn't what we mean. "Mary got drunk at a party and threw herself at Bill right in front of Bill's wife" is what we mean. And, yes, I do like to hear that sort of stuff. Am I a terrible person? Perhaps. But I know I'm not out of the ordinary.

drudgetrudy Mon 22-Jun-15 10:30:08

I think its part of human nature to gossip and most people do enjoy a gossip with friends. There is a line though where it gets vindictive and its horrible if this is crossed.
I fully accept that sometimes people will gossip about me when I'm not around-its the way of the world.
I'm pretty boring though. (perhaps that's what they are saying-Bloody hell isn't Drudge boring!).

Socalled Mon 22-Jun-15 10:40:18

I don't much like it. Or maybe it's fairer to say that, especially since I moved out of London to a small village, I'm a bit taken aback by the level of gossip, of local interest in and talk about me and my (entirely ordinary) family and our visitors, and the kind of minutiae that elicits gossip.

It's not that I'm not interested in other people - I'm a novelist, so by definition I'm interested in people, and I've worked as an oral historian - but I'm not interested in X's new car, or the fact that the Ys are fighting with their neighbours over some Leylandii. That's just dull. I wasn't even interested when we bought a new car - it goes, right? You put diesel in it, right? OK. I don't get why that's interesting to anyone.

And I definitely don't want to hear something personal/sad/embarrassing that the person in question wouldn't want generally known. If someone passes on something like that, I do think it says more about them than the person being gossipped about, and I wonder why they can't resist the cheap thrill of telling.

I did quietly get rid of a cleaner who, with zero encouragement from me, used to start telling me things about the other people she cleaned for in the area. I could only assume she would do likewise with any information gleaned from our house. I mean, God knows what she could get that would be of any interest, but if there's anything that living in the country had taught me, it's that nothing seems to be too minor for gossip, and people seem obsessed with getting inside new people's houses as if their kitchen flooring somehow says something crucial about them.

CatOfTheGreenGlades Mon 22-Jun-15 10:49:10

Yes I love it, I have to say. Not untrue or malicious gossip, or anything that amounts to someone being victimised. But if a neighbour wants a good old kvetch about how she's been treated by another neighbour, and that other neighbour has also been a cow to me so I know it's the truth and she's just letting off steam, yes, it's entertaining blush

School gate gossip I'm not overly involved with but I will prick up my ears if people are having a scandalised gossip about someone's affair etc. I just do find interpersonal relationships and behaviour fascinating, also in a novelist kind of way.

I agree people are hypocrites about it. I hate it when people say "If you've got something to say to me, say it to my face!" Oh come on. (Not that this happens in my life! - but on reality TV etc.) Would you really say everything you've ever said about people to their faces? Of course not.

I'd stand by two rules - always accept you are as fair game for gossip as anyone else. And always, always keep a confidence. If someone tells me something in confidence I never, ever spread it or gossip about it.

Fabulassie Mon 22-Jun-15 12:15:30

I agree about "say it to my face." No, thank you. If you think I'm mutton dressed as lamb, too loud, or that I smile too much when talking to the school headmaster I really don't need to hear it. Go tell your friends all about it and leave me alone.

I absolutely despise when someone tells me what someone else has said about me. I mean, unless they are plotting to kill me or it's otherwise useful information, I don't need to know!

knickernicker Mon 22-Jun-15 12:22:12

My 'friend' told me that another mum hated me. I'm very wary of friend now which is a shame as her dd and mine are best friends.

Astrid28 Mon 22-Jun-15 13:11:05

I don't mind a bit of light gossip. There are times when I'd tell my sisters things about people they don't know and vice versa so it feels safe iykwim?

There have been a few 'school gate scandals' over the past year or so among my regular 'go to' people at the school, but I keep out of it and generally just talk to the person involved and see how they're doing.

I can't bear people who delight in others misery and have ended friendships over it.

GinUpGirl Mon 22-Jun-15 13:19:22

I love a gossip and am not ashamed to admit it. I'm less comfortable with being an outright bitch, but a juicy discussion on what a mutual friend is up to (particularly old uni friends) is a great way to catch up and update.

WickedWax Mon 22-Jun-15 13:25:07

There's gossip, and I think most people like a bit of lighthearted gossip.

But then there are those people who seem to revel in other people's misery and misfortune, and can't wait to be the ones to pass it on (with a few details embellished or omitted for good measure), they actually get some kind of delight from it. I avoid those people like the plague.

Socalled Mon 22-Jun-15 13:27:26

So could someone who genuinely enjoys gossip give examples of what kind of thing they gossip about with enjoyment? How well do you have to know the person/s involved, or is that not the point at all? Maybe I'm misunderstanding what actual 2015 'gossip' actually consists of!

I mean, is 'Number 33 got their Leylandii lopped' worthy of being passed on? Or is what you mean 'Number 33 had to get their Leylandii lopped when 'er at Number 34 showed up at their door half slaughtered and effing and blinding about there being no light in their garden and how she'd never liked them anyway, and if they didn't do something about it immediately she'd set the dogs/the vicar/the police on them?

Or what event in your life do you know has given rise to gossip?

I know now that I didn't realise at all how much interest our arrival in the village caused, partly because of my husband's locally prominent job, and partly because we had no local connections and were moving from London, and people had a lot of preconceptions about what we were going to be like. But how would I have known? In London, we barely knew our neighbours by sight...

reni1 Mon 22-Jun-15 13:30:06

I think people who don't gossip are not interested in others at all. Rarely meet anybody who truly doesn't gossip, men don't tend to call it gossip if they do it I find. Most women are only fake being ashamed of it. That is gossip rather than malicious rumours though, fine line sometimes.

Pepperonipeteczar Mon 22-Jun-15 13:30:06

I love gossiping, having been on the receiving end of silly rumours myself I couldn't care less, I still enjoy a good bit of goss.

I have found the worst ones for gossip are the ones who pretend they aren't, if I hear something truly awful, life changing or upsetting about someone I know then I wouldn't like that and certainly wouldn't tell anyone else but if it's a story about a woman I dislike getting wrecked at a party and showing everyone her fanny then I'm obviously going to rub my thighs and ask for all the gory details. I'm human.

Pepperonipeteczar Mon 22-Jun-15 13:32:34

And yes if I knew someone had bitched about someone else I would never tell them, there's a saying that's something like

"Someone tried to shoot me with a cross bow and missed so you picked up the arrow and stabbed me with it"

Which is very true, I don't like causing trouble or arguments with gossip as that is nasty

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