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To cover (lie)? for my Child

(73 Posts)
RachelRagged Mon 22-Jun-15 09:04:52

Hello ,

My Son has a volunteer who comes round each week and is due this Wednesday morning. DS said that he does not want him coming round, I asked why and he said he is fed up of people in and out of his life (whole other story but we have had visits from various authorities of late nothing bad)and that he doesn't like Him . (which came as a shock as I thought they got on well).

My AIBU is self explanatory in the title . I would say he was unwell that day or something. Or should I be honest and say that DS does not feel he benefits from the visits ? or get DS to tell him himself .

All advice will be appreciated.

Chchchchangeabout Mon 22-Jun-15 09:05:59

How old is your DS?

Penfold007 Mon 22-Jun-15 09:08:08

It depends on how old your son is and what he has the volunter.

RachelRagged Mon 22-Jun-15 09:08:23

DS is 13. He has big issues with attending school, among other things. Volunteer is fine but sometimes DS just will not communicate. I see it pointless if he isn't going to communicate and doesn't want him round.

fourmeatpies Mon 22-Jun-15 09:08:34

What's his age, and what is the reason?

fourmeatpies Mon 22-Jun-15 09:09:31

x post.

RepeatAdNauseum Mon 22-Jun-15 09:10:24

I wouldn't lie and say he doesn't feel well.

I'd stop the visits, if your son doesn't enjoy them or benefit from them, because really it's just a waste of time for both your son and the volunteer.

If you are nervous about hurting the volunteers feelings you could always call whomever organises the volunteer and say that your son feels he's got all of the value he can from this arrangement, and you're going to see if you can find another activity for him to continue his development. That way you've made it clear that your son doesn't want to continue (so no awkward trying to rearrange), but the volunteer won't feel to blame either.

MrsCs Mon 22-Jun-15 09:11:23

I'd say he can stop going when he goes to school instead, simple

saturnvista Mon 22-Jun-15 09:12:09

No you should definitely tell the truth, better for everyone

PurpleSwift Mon 22-Jun-15 09:12:09

Lying here is pointless. What about next week? The week after? You need to have a real discussion about it and decide what to do long term/

Theas18 Mon 22-Jun-15 09:13:25

I dunno. By doing this you are effectively colluding with your DS in his social withdrawal and school refusal. Surely this isn't in his best interests?

LuisSuarezTeeth Mon 22-Jun-15 09:13:45

If your son won't engage, it's pointless. Is it a personality thing or the subject matter?

MrsCs that is a monumentally stupid thing to say.

LuisSuarezTeeth Mon 22-Jun-15 09:14:32

Definitely don't lie - I know it's tempting though

RachelRagged Mon 22-Jun-15 09:15:39


You hit the nail on the head . I shall tell him that . However it goes deeper.
So I do not drip feed I will say my son has traits of being on the Autistic Spectrum, Social Anxiety and they suspect Depression
I would love for him to go to school ,, I feel so sad for him. What kind of future will he have ? Not much of one
Good advice Repeat , Thanks

scarlets Mon 22-Jun-15 09:16:31

Do you think your son is ready to return to school, with support? Perhaps the volunteer has done his job effectively.

Chinhairscare Mon 22-Jun-15 09:16:42

Don't lie. It sends the message that it's ok to lie yourself out of awkward situations.

scarlets Mon 22-Jun-15 09:17:10

I'm sorry - we xp'd.

cuntycowfacemonkey Mon 22-Jun-15 09:17:13

I'm not sure forcing an unhappy child to spend time with a volunteer he doesn't like very much is going to help his social withdrawal. I would cancel this week citing that your ds feels there are too many people involved in his life. If there are lots of people from local authorities coming to see him in a more official capacity then he may not see much of a difference between them and this volunteer.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 22-Jun-15 09:17:42

I think lying about him being ill will just be giving your DS the idea it's okay to lie to put something off he dislikes, contact whichever organisation sends the volunteer before Wednesday and repeat what your DS told you.

RachelRagged Mon 22-Jun-15 09:19:16


He said he would go to a smaller unit . Its the noise and the changing of classes he mainly objects too .

I won't lie .. I will sit my DS down, sit down myself and ask Volunteer to sit down and get DS to explain. He knows his own mind.

Weebirdie Mon 22-Jun-15 09:20:51

Rachael, Ive no advise about the volunteer visiting but as the mum of a young man who's on the spectrum I would suggest pushing for a diagnosis so it can be treated. My son came on in leaps and bounds once we'd sorted it out.

RachelRagged Mon 22-Jun-15 09:21:02

If there are lots of people from local authorities coming to see him in a more official capacity then he may not see much of a difference between them and this volunteer.

That makes perfect sense ., Thank You, had not seen it that way,

scarlets Mon 22-Jun-15 09:21:04

Half of Silicon Valley is on the autistic spectrum, and professors and scientists too.

Slight exaggeration I know - but your son does have a future, if his education is managed properly now. Get support. The volunteer hasn't worked out but other options might.

LuisSuarezTeeth Mon 22-Jun-15 09:21:14

Good idea Rachel

RachelRagged Mon 22-Jun-15 09:22:29


DS has been seen and a report and assesment being undertaken. I am awaiting a letter. Glad for your Son.

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