About PFB visiting family overseas?

[Solasum]

DS is 18mo and I have never left him overnight. So far he has come with me on a few business trips, which has worked fine. Paternal family live abroad, and we see each other about 5 times a year, and are just about to go away on holiday with them for a week.

The GPs want to take him away by themselves for a week or two. DP has also been asking when he can take DS away for a week (he has loads of time off in lieu to take after multiple business trips).

I just don't want it to happen yet.

With the GPs this is because they are essentially strangers to DS, their health is not great, and they don't speak English at all. We do speak both languages at home, but DS is still essentially nonverbal, and the few words he does have are in English, and obviously he hears more English day to day.

With DP, none of the above apply.

I just cannot see myself wanting to let him go away for so long without me until he is about school age. A night or two would be one thing, but it would have to be longer. My feeling is he has the rest of his life to go away with his family, but for now he is better off with me.

DP says he feels hurt I don't trust him to look after DS properly, and that I have to let DS grow up.

So, AIBU?

[Tulipblank]

I wouldn't let my very nearly 2 year old go away for a week or two in the UK with his grandparents who he sees all the time and look after him a day a week. You're definitely not bu.

[WishUponAStar88]

Yanbu at all to not want your ds to stay with grandparents alone in a foreign country. However your dp is just as much a parent as you are and if he has been away with just you then I don't really see why dp shouldn't be able to take him away (providing not breastfeeding). However I do see where you're coming from, my dd is only 9 months and I've only just felt happy leaving her with anyone other than dp even for an hour or two lol.

[fridayfreedom]

Grow up? He's a baby. You are definately not being unreasonable.

[Jengnr]

YABU about your partner. YADNBU about the grandparents.

[BarbarianMum]

Agree w Jengnr

[lornathewizzard]

I think you're being a bit harsh to DP. It's ok for DS to go away with you, but not his Dad? But then we obviously have different feelings on this because our pfb stayed overnight with GPs at 8 weeks.

[morelikeguidelines]

Yanbu about the grandparents. He doesn't known them well, it is too long etc. Plus you don't really need a reason.

I think you should let dh take him away for a few days to a week though as he is the parent too. I personally would fine two weeks away from my ds too long at 16 months (or from my dd at 6 years!).

They may both be going to mils for 5 days soon and that would be about my limit unless.circumstances made it necessary .

[caravanista13]

YANBU about the Grandparents! I have my 19 month old DGD to stay one night a week, which I love, but I also love to see how pleased she is to see her parents when I drop her back. I think she'd miss them desperately for much longer than a weekend.

[Bluetonic123]

Would you be ok with dp telling you you couldn't take your child somewhere alone?

[Solasum]

Re DP, I think I would not have a problem if he wanted to do a few days in the UK, it is the taking DS abroad thing which gets me. Because in the (I concede very unlikely) event that anything went wrong, I could get there very soon. Abroad, not so much.

[Elllimam]

Where would DP be taking him to? If you are talking a few days in butlins YABU but if you are meaning a week somewhere abroad (especially somewhere outside of Europe) I would be uneasy. It seems a bit odd that he would want a holiday without you.

[PurpleSwift]

Explain that to OH. Say you're not comfortable with LO being in a different country to you. I assume you wouldn't take LO away to a different county without OH too and if so then that is fair enough.

[Solasum]

it would be in Europe.

I would much rather go on holiday together, but sadly I don't have an extra 40(!) days to take on top of our existing plane holidays.

[NRomanoff]

I wouldn't allow the gps at this age. But would do. Since you have taken of. Away I don't see how you can tell him he can't. He is the Childs parents too

[Solasum]

*Planned. Plane holidays with a toddler would not be much fun I think.

[Elllimam]

Would it be to somewhere that hasn't signed up for The Hague convention?

[Hobby2014]

I don't think yabu at all. I've stayed awith family for a few days with DS without DH as he had work but it's only about 50miles away. DH hasn't stayed away with DS. I'm with him everyday all day so it's a bigger deal to me than to DH as he's at work all day so doesn't see him as much therefore doesn't mind it iykwim? It'd be a bigger shock to me. DS is only 10mo.

[Elllimam]

Sorry cross post there :)

[Hobby2014]

away with*

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

I don't think YABU. Definitely not with regards to the grandparents. My IL's live abroad and are essentially strangers to DD and there's no way I'd let her go away with them (she's 19 months).
Not sure re DH. There's no reason in principal why he can't take him away. However I would hate it, mainly because I would hate to be away from DD for a whole week. I would miss her far too much. Nothing to do with not trusting him to look after her.

[NRomanoff]

I took my toddlers on planes and it was fine. I can't not comprehend how it's ok for one parent to take a child away, but the the other.

[Solasum]

I agree absolutely re planes Romanoff, we have taken DS on them often. But a 'plane holiday' to me implied leisurely joy of flying style, rather than A-B.

[Sirzy]

Within Europe you could probably fly to a lot of locations quicker than you could drive in the UK!

I agree with the majority yabu to say no to your dh taking his child away but not unreasonable to say no to grandparents alone

[nikinaki]

Yabu. How would you feel if your dp said you couldn't take your child anywhere? Yanbu about the grandparents I guess. then again, if I didn't live close to my parents when I have children, I know I would let them have my dc for holidays, probably starting around that age.

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

I think YAB a little bit U about DH taking your DS abroad although if it was just for a random holiday, I'd be a little bit 'why?'. I'm not sure why my DH would want to take an 18mo on holiday anywhere on his own, a bit different now DD is 6yo as they might go to a Lego event or similar without e. But if he wants to take DS abroad to see his parents, then that's a bit different. You might find they stop asking to take DS on holiday if DH takes him to visit them.

YANBU about the PIL taking DS on holiday at 18mo. DD started staying over with PIL from about that sort of age, maybe a bit younger. Plus, they had her for a day or two when she had chicken pox, but that was out of necessity. PIL knew DD, speak english, DD knew them, they knew her routine and we know them well enough to trust them with her. From about 3 or 4yo, they've had her for one week in the summer holidays and taken her to their caravan. It's only 1.5hrs from their house, we've stayed there and know it's safe (super luxury!) and the site is nice too. They've done this because DH and I were working f/t and covering 6wks of the summer holidays is difficult. It suited them to have her for a week and it suited us to have free childcare for that week too.

Despite this, I still wouldn't allow them to take DD abroad (she's now nearly 6yo), it's not that I don't trust them to look after her well, I just don't see the need for her to holiday with them on her own abroad.