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About PFB visiting family overseas?

(40 Posts)
Solasum Mon 22-Jun-15 08:54:57

DS is 18mo and I have never left him overnight. So far he has come with me on a few business trips, which has worked fine. Paternal family live abroad, and we see each other about 5 times a year, and are just about to go away on holiday with them for a week.

The GPs want to take him away by themselves for a week or two. DP has also been asking when he can take DS away for a week (he has loads of time off in lieu to take after multiple business trips).

I just don't want it to happen yet.

With the GPs this is because they are essentially strangers to DS, their health is not great, and they don't speak English at all. We do speak both languages at home, but DS is still essentially nonverbal, and the few words he does have are in English, and obviously he hears more English day to day.

With DP, none of the above apply.

I just cannot see myself wanting to let him go away for so long without me until he is about school age. A night or two would be one thing, but it would have to be longer. My feeling is he has the rest of his life to go away with his family, but for now he is better off with me.

DP says he feels hurt I don't trust him to look after DS properly, and that I have to let DS grow up.


Tulipblank Mon 22-Jun-15 08:57:58

I wouldn't let my very nearly 2 year old go away for a week or two in the UK with his grandparents who he sees all the time and look after him a day a week. You're definitely not bu.

WishUponAStar88 Mon 22-Jun-15 09:00:53

Yanbu at all to not want your ds to stay with grandparents alone in a foreign country. However your dp is just as much a parent as you are and if he has been away with just you then I don't really see why dp shouldn't be able to take him away (providing not breastfeeding). However I do see where you're coming from, my dd is only 9 months and I've only just felt happy leaving her with anyone other than dp even for an hour or two lol.

fridayfreedom Mon 22-Jun-15 09:02:20

Grow up? He's a baby. You are definately not being unreasonable.

Jengnr Mon 22-Jun-15 09:03:08

YABU about your partner. YADNBU about the grandparents.

BarbarianMum Mon 22-Jun-15 09:04:21

Agree w Jengnr

lornathewizzard Mon 22-Jun-15 09:06:03

I think you're being a bit harsh to DP. It's ok for DS to go away with you, but not his Dad? But then we obviously have different feelings on this because our pfb stayed overnight with GPs at 8 weeks.

morelikeguidelines Mon 22-Jun-15 09:07:52

Yanbu about the grandparents. He doesn't known them well, it is too long etc. Plus you don't really need a reason.

I think you should let dh take him away for a few days to a week though as he is the parent too. I personally would fine two weeks away from my ds too long at 16 months (or from my dd at 6 years!).

They may both be going to mils for 5 days soon and that would be about my limit unless.circumstances made it necessary .

caravanista13 Mon 22-Jun-15 09:08:05

YANBU about the Grandparents! I have my 19 month old DGD to stay one night a week, which I love, but I also love to see how pleased she is to see her parents when I drop her back. I think she'd miss them desperately for much longer than a weekend.

Bluetonic123 Mon 22-Jun-15 09:09:08

Would you be ok with dp telling you you couldn't take your child somewhere alone?

Solasum Mon 22-Jun-15 09:10:49

Re DP, I think I would not have a problem if he wanted to do a few days in the UK, it is the taking DS abroad thing which gets me. Because in the (I concede very unlikely) event that anything went wrong, I could get there very soon. Abroad, not so much.

Elllimam Mon 22-Jun-15 09:12:43

Where would DP be taking him to? If you are talking a few days in butlins YABU but if you are meaning a week somewhere abroad (especially somewhere outside of Europe) I would be uneasy. It seems a bit odd that he would want a holiday without you.

PurpleSwift Mon 22-Jun-15 09:14:22

Explain that to OH. Say you're not comfortable with LO being in a different country to you. I assume you wouldn't take LO away to a different county without OH too and if so then that is fair enough.

Solasum Mon 22-Jun-15 09:14:55

it would be in Europe.

I would much rather go on holiday together, but sadly I don't have an extra 40(!) days to take on top of our existing plane holidays.

NRomanoff Mon 22-Jun-15 09:15:07

I wouldn't allow the gps at this age. But would do. Since you have taken of. Away I don't see how you can tell him he can't. He is the Childs parents too

Solasum Mon 22-Jun-15 09:15:57

*Planned. Plane holidays with a toddler would not be much fun I think.

Elllimam Mon 22-Jun-15 09:16:14

Would it be to somewhere that hasn't signed up for The Hague convention?

Hobby2014 Mon 22-Jun-15 09:16:54

I don't think yabu at all. I've stayed awith family for a few days with DS without DH as he had work but it's only about 50miles away. DH hasn't stayed away with DS. I'm with him everyday all day so it's a bigger deal to me than to DH as he's at work all day so doesn't see him as much therefore doesn't mind it iykwim? It'd be a bigger shock to me. DS is only 10mo.

Elllimam Mon 22-Jun-15 09:17:19

Sorry cross post there smile

Hobby2014 Mon 22-Jun-15 09:17:33

away with*

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Mon 22-Jun-15 09:19:47

I don't think YABU. Definitely not with regards to the grandparents. My IL's live abroad and are essentially strangers to DD and there's no way I'd let her go away with them (she's 19 months).
Not sure re DH. There's no reason in principal why he can't take him away. However I would hate it, mainly because I would hate to be away from DD for a whole week. I would miss her far too much. Nothing to do with not trusting him to look after her.

NRomanoff Mon 22-Jun-15 09:21:47

I took my toddlers on planes and it was fine. I can't not comprehend how it's ok for one parent to take a child away, but the the other.

Solasum Mon 22-Jun-15 09:34:23

I agree absolutely re planes Romanoff, we have taken DS on them often. But a 'plane holiday' to me implied leisurely joy of flying style, rather than A-B.

Sirzy Mon 22-Jun-15 09:37:19

Within Europe you could probably fly to a lot of locations quicker than you could drive in the UK!

I agree with the majority yabu to say no to your dh taking his child away but not unreasonable to say no to grandparents alone

nikinaki Mon 22-Jun-15 09:41:10

Yabu. How would you feel if your dp said you couldn't take your child anywhere? Yanbu about the grandparents I guess. then again, if I didn't live close to my parents when I have children, I know I would let them have my dc for holidays, probably starting around that age.

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