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to think this is rude

(63 Posts)
dejarderoncar Sun 21-Jun-15 21:37:12

I am a 70 year old lesbian with various physical problems. For many years I have rented a separate part of my house to a friend who is in her fifties. Friend has a new boyfriend, but also has elderly family staying with her at present.
I was away for one night recently, and said to her that she and bf could sleep in my room in my part of the house to give them a bit of privacy. They knew I would be back the following day, and know I am very rarely out late.

I returned the following day at 7.30pm to find them both in bed in my home. They made the excuse that they 'didn't think you'd be back yet', and slunk away like teenagers, but with no apology.

I have just changed all the bedding. AIBU to think that as I was kind (stupid)enough to lend them my bed, they could have left in good time, and stripped the bed ready fo me, as they had undoubtedly been having sex on my sheets?

DrankSangriaInThePark Sun 21-Jun-15 21:41:22

I don't understand what relevance your first sentence has to the rest of the AIBU.

No, I suppose YANBU. If friends shagged in my bed I'd expect them to wipe up, as it were...

CrystalHaze Sun 21-Jun-15 21:42:12

Why is the fact that you are a lesbian so relevant as to need to be stated in the opening line? Would the situation be different if you were heterosexual? hmm

CrapBag Sun 21-Jun-15 21:42:15

I'm not sure what your age or sexuality have to do with this at all.

Tell your house mate to change your bed and don't let her use it again. Lesson learned there. What did you think they were going to do in your bed when you let them have your room for privacy?

Weird post. hmm

Gatehouse77 Sun 21-Jun-15 21:42:16

YANBU and they were rude. I wouldn't offer again and, should they ask, give it to them straight. No need to flower it, it can be done civilly.

reni1 Sun 21-Jun-15 21:43:42

Very rude indeed. Make sure you won't let them sleep there again.

TwinkieTwinkle Sun 21-Jun-15 21:45:38

Again, why is being a 70 year old lesbian relevant?

crustsaway Sun 21-Jun-15 21:47:14


Everything is irrelevant here apart from you expecting that they wouldnt be in there together.

I wouldnt offer my bed to neither, or I'd expect that grin

dejarderoncar Sun 21-Jun-15 23:32:45

the lesbian part I thought was relevant because I thought my friend would realise that sticky heterosexual fucking in my bed would be something a little bit eeew for me, and at least warrant a change of sheets.
My age and my health were mentioned because she knows it is difficult for me to do things like change sheets myself, especially when tired from a long trip. So I did think these things were relevant, but should have realised that in MumsNet world you are all so busy pretending to be cool with not being homophobic that you can't always tell when you are being.
I also wondered if younger people might say that today's manners in such situations don't require sheet changes,and I was being old fashioned, not that I would be laid into for laying out all the relevant facts in my OP rather than drip feeding. Hey ho.
Am about to give up on trying to be nice to people.

dejarderoncar Sun 21-Jun-15 23:34:44

CRAPBAG (good name btw) of course I expected tham to shag in my bed. I just felt that as I was going a bit over and beyond for them, the least they could do was clean up.

Eminado Sun 21-Jun-15 23:35:36

Sorry OP sounds like you have had a long day. Friend should have vacated bed in good time and changed sheets.

QueenBean Sun 21-Jun-15 23:37:34

sticky heterosexual fucking in my bed would be something a little bit eeew for me

You're 70? Your language is that of a 15 year old

dejarderoncar Sun 21-Jun-15 23:38:26

TWINKIE TWINKLE (can't believe I wrote that without turning pink) when people stop refering to their DP, DH, DC's etc endlessly in their threads when it's not always relevant, then perhaps I'll stop mentioning an important part of MY identity. OK dear?

CalmYoBadSelf Sun 21-Jun-15 23:40:34

I think YANBU. It would be good manners to be out of bed, sheets changed and place sorted out when you got back for any friend who had been kind enough to offer their room. Your personal situation makes that even more so.

Never expect to have a thread on MN without getting dug out for something!

hoobypickypicky Sun 21-Jun-15 23:43:09

Queenbean, my lovely 70 year old friend also has a delightful turn of phrase when she wants to. She's articulate, charming, kind, funny, degree qualified, a former teacher who just happens to be comfortable with using the word fuck.

There's no upper age limit on curseword usage.

dejarderoncar YANBU but I can't understand why you made the offer in the first instance.

Socalled Sun 21-Jun-15 23:43:56

YANBU in the least. They were inconsiderate. I think you were saintly offering them your bed in the first place.

dejarderoncar Sun 21-Jun-15 23:44:16

CHRYSTAL HAZE (what's that about, drugs?) yes it might make a difference if I was heterosexual as the thought of a hetero couple shagging in my bed would not be something I was not used to. Talk about only seeing everything from a heterosexual point of view on here. Say if two gay guys were getting it on in your bed? It might feel just a little bit stranger to you than a hetero couple, assuming you are straight. I just wanted the sheets changed ffs!

QueenBean Sun 21-Jun-15 23:44:30

No, it wasn't use of the word fuck that made me think that - more the "ewwww" that followed

The accusations of MNers being homophobic are bizarre

dejarderoncar Sun 21-Jun-15 23:48:26

HOOBY I offered tham my bed as they don't see each other that often, and as her elderly parents were staying in her room that it might give her and bf a nice night together. No other motive, am just fairly easy going about stuff, but feel they took the piss basically.

hoobypickypicky Sun 21-Jun-15 23:48:33

Apologies QueenBean.

Yes, I see what you mean now.

TwinkieTwinkle Sun 21-Jun-15 23:50:36

No need to be so condescending dear. Usually people reference their partner in relation to their post. Your sexuality had no bearing on your complaint.

dejarderoncar Sun 21-Jun-15 23:56:25

QUEEN unless you are gay yourself, maybe I'm a little more accustomed to spotting concealed homophobia than you. Why would that be the first thing everybody jumped on me for? I was entitled to think it was relevant. There's plenty of 'some of my best friends are gay' homophobia on here. But clearly you know better. Oh, and for me many heterosexual practises are eeew, but live and let live, just change the sheets.

TwinkieTwinkle Sun 21-Jun-15 23:58:14

Op, you are incredibly rude!

TwinkieTwinkle Sun 21-Jun-15 23:58:53

and unnecessarily defensive.

dejarderoncar Mon 22-Jun-15 00:00:33

TWINKIE was responding to your post which ONLY referred to my sexuality and age and not to the substance of my OP. Sexuality and age were relevant in these circumstances in my opinión.

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