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Term time holiday with ex husband

(15 Posts)
Generationsandwich1 Sun 21-Jun-15 14:24:38

My ex husband is planning to take both children away for three days in two weeks time - he's already booked the flights. I've said I don't want them to go - they have been before and came back exhausted (the youngest one slept for the whole day after returning ) also my ex husband was quite drunk during the holiday and his friends looked after them quite a bit. I have also said that I don't think the school will approve the absence but if they do I don't see how I can object. I understand that he is notifying the school on Monday next week of his plans in the hope they do not respond in time and he can take them on holiday and make out he didn't realise the process for requesting leave. Also, he is going to ask his brother to pick the children up and take them to the airport as my ex husband will already be abroad (they will be joining him) but his brother doesn't know any of this background. Both children are being really difficult with me as they want to go saying I'm overreacting, they deserve a break as they have worked so hard, I'm no fun etc. Also, both children have school trips next week and my ex husband has told them not to return the passports to me. If they go the repercussions will be with the school, the children thinking they can do what they like, my ex husband undermine me. If they don't go my ex husband will 'forget' to pay maintenance and the children will be difficult with me. He's done this before. When we divorced he wanted shared parental responsibility and I didn't go to court to make contact arrangements with the children as he wanted to be free to see them when he wanted, he also didn't sign any divorce papers I had to wait years and 'serve' papers on him but we have been apart for 10 years, the children are 11 and 15 and it's getting worse. AIBU? WWYD?

SylvaniansAtEase Sun 21-Jun-15 14:27:36

'I've been told that you have instructed the children not to return their passports to me. In that case, I'm afraid there's no way you're getting your hands on them in the first place. The answer is no.'

googoodolly Sun 21-Jun-15 14:29:57

I wouldn't be letting them go on a term-time holiday. He needs their passports to take them so I wouldn't be letting him have them in the first place. Keep them locked up at home. He has no business taking them out of school during term time.

SavoyCabbage Sun 21-Jun-15 14:30:08

Why has he told them not to return the passports to you?

Passports can be cancelled and new ones ordered for a start.

Technically you aren't supposed to be able to fly with do without both parents permission.

ghostyslovesheep Sun 21-Jun-15 14:32:02

honestly? despite him being a boil on the arse of humanity and behaving like a twat I'd let them go

ilovesooty Sun 21-Jun-15 14:33:20

I think I'd be making it clear that you're considering cancelling the passports, and informing the school that you are not giving permission for the holiday.

GERTI Sun 21-Jun-15 14:39:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

googoodolly Sun 21-Jun-15 14:42:40

I don't think you telling the school you're not giving permission will make any difference - he can just ring them in sick.

ilovesooty Sun 21-Jun-15 14:46:21

He can ring them in sick. She can tell the school they aren't.

TeenAndTween Sun 21-Jun-15 14:49:12

Your 15 yo is in y10?
No way should they be going on any term time holiday imo.

googoodolly Sun 21-Jun-15 14:52:58

Yeah, and if they're already gone with him by the time that happens, what can the school actually do? They can refuse to authorise the holiday but there's nothing stopping him from taking them anyway, aside from a court order or something similar.

ragged Sun 21-Jun-15 14:54:23

He can still take them if school declines; the school doesn't shackle them to the premises after declining AA. Our schools would not fine money for a brief absence this late summer in term (ever). What the school thinks is irrelevant.

I get that the Ex is being a jerk, but is it really worth the aggro for 3 days, long term you still have to deal with him & the kids truly want to go so you are upsetting them too if you stand in the way (if I read correctly).

I'm not understand the bit about school trips next week; the kids are both going abroad & when they come back yourDH told them "hold on to your passports so you have them when your uncle picks you up?" It sounds like a practical arrangement to me.

The biggest case against the trip is the 15yo might need to do GCSE revision, but probably not. I don't think I'd find this a battle worth fighting, I'd save my energy for others.

ragged Sun 21-Jun-15 14:55:14

^ Ghosty said it much more perfectly than me!

Generationsandwich1 Sun 21-Jun-15 15:24:17

With regard to the passports - both children need them to go on their school trip next week and he has planned the trip abroad the week after so has said to them not to give them back to me. I think it's to be difficult but I suppose it is also practical. Thanks for the advice - he's quite horrible to me so it's hard to know sometimes what to do.

HarrietSchulenberg Mon 22-Jun-15 17:35:31

If you think that your children are considering hiding their passports from you, make it clear to them thay any passport not handed over to you at the end of the school trips will be deemed lost and you'll ring the passport off ice to cancel them.

I think that you have to step back from this one slightly. Let school know that he's planning to take them out so you can avoid being landed with the inevitable fine but other than that I don't think there's much you can do to stop them going.

Just make sure that your children don't think it's necessary to be deceitful to you as that will be a whole different battle.

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