DH no interest in kicks, pregnancy or birth

(57 Posts)
mikado1 Sat 20-Jun-15 22:03:50

I know it's probably common but I feel so disappointed that he has zero interest in anything to do with this pregnancy (2nd). The only time he's seen or felt a kick is when I actually ask him to, he replies 'Mmm' to my aches/pains/exhaustion-not sleeping past about 2am, and while I am reading up on and looking forward to the birth I feel my 'birthing partner' actually knows so little. I sometimes think how different it would be if he was pregnant!!!

LokiBear Sat 20-Jun-15 22:06:10

Have you tried talking to him? I felt like this with dh but when I talked to him he admitted he was afraid. He was worried that something was going to go wrong so went into denial.

mikado1 Sat 20-Jun-15 22:06:45

He replies 'Mmm' to the kicks too which I think is quite sad. A massage or some sympathy for the aches and pains of the last week would be great but I haven't a hope!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 20-Jun-15 22:07:42

How long ago was your first pregnancy? I'm surprised you'd want to read up on it.

Casmama Sat 20-Jun-15 22:07:45

How was he with the first pregnancy?

Writerwannabe83 Sat 20-Jun-15 22:09:09

My DH was never bothered with the bump - ever.

He'd only touch my bump if I told him to as I feeling the baby kick but even then it was very non-committal and he certainly wasn't overly excited by it.

mikado1 Sat 20-Jun-15 22:09:51

X post. Loki I think he would get ultra defensive if I said anything. . He was a bit like this last time but I understood that more as I thought it probably didn't seem as real to him as me, but now he knows what's ahead and has shown no excitement at all sad

Casmama Sat 20-Jun-15 22:11:04

Testing I had 4 years between pregnancies and was amazed by how much I'd forgotten so did read up on lots of stuff.

Totality22 Sat 20-Jun-15 22:11:28

How was he with the first pregnancy?

mikado1 Sat 20-Jun-15 22:12:34

Did it bother you writerwannabe83??

Testingtesting I had a good experience last time and genuinely enjoy reading about birthing techniques etc just to be as prepareda ready as I can be.

mikado1 Sat 20-Jun-15 22:15:00

Like I say he was probably similar with first but there were no aches, pains etc and I am not feeling the most cherished with it all!!

Whatamuckingfuddle Sat 20-Jun-15 22:15:21

My DH was the same, brilliant father but totally uninterested in pregnancies and birth, beyond useless. I found it upsetting but I think maybe some men don't connect until it's there and 'real' to them? What's he like with your older DC now?

AngryBeaver Sat 20-Jun-15 22:17:15

My dh was also like this. We have been through 5 pregnancies (wll 8 if you count the mcs) he was never bothered. He is also not overly interested in the newborn stage!
In fact we were talking about this last night when he was bathing dd (13 months) in her baby bath.
I said "oh remember when we first bathed her in this, she was all tiny and red and still had her belly button clamp on?"
He groaned and said "ugh, thank god we never have to do that again! New babies are so boring! She is so much more fun now!"

That's not to say he didn't worship and adore each of our babies, he definitely did.
Lots of cuddles and nappy changes etc.
But, he doesn't "like " me much when I'm pregnant. I get very stressed and grumpy, so our relationship changes.

Then as he says, new babies are a bit boring!

I'm sure your dh will be a great dad when the baby arrives smile thanks

Writerwannabe83 Sat 20-Jun-15 22:18:26

mikado - it didn't really bother me to be honest as he was great at all the scans (I was scanned monthly) and he came with me to all my Consultant appointments (every 4 weeks) he just wasn't fond of the bump.

I have just asked him why he was so disinterested in the bump and he said he wasn't sure, it just freaked him out a little to think there was a baby inside me grin

mikado1 Sat 20-Jun-15 22:27:30

Thanks all. He is great with ds, although a bit quick to anger at times, but they adore one another. I just feel very disappointed.

Topseyt Sat 20-Jun-15 22:33:10

Mine was intrigued during my first pregnancy and liked putting his hand onto my bump and feeling the kicks. Sometimes he could even feel the regular knocking as she had hiccups inside me.

Less so with the two subsequent pregnancies, although he was every bit as invested in the babies themselves when they arrived and saw all of them being born.

Sometimes we would be sitting watching TV in the evening and in the later stages of pregnancy he would notice my clothes shift slightly as the baby moved and kicked. He would often comment then, but it did get less as time went by.

I think it just doesn't feel so real to them as it does when the baby is suddenly there.

Hillijx Sat 20-Jun-15 22:33:33

My dh has been the same with all 3 of mine, and like angrybeaver, not bothered with the newborn stage either. I know he cared as when we nearly lost one he got very upset but when it went back to normal he just carried on being irritated by the whole affair (like he was the one awake at 2am and having to push a human out of himself?!) he joked this time that he will have her in a years time as dd's 1&2 both became daddies girls! I think some men just don't connect with them when they are in the tummy as they don't feel them and worry about them every minute maybe? Doesn't mean that they don't care....some are just tools in showing us mummy's to be the attention we deserve!

Jengnr Sat 20-Jun-15 22:37:21

My husband is actively freaked out by the bump and won't watch movement or kicks etc. He isn't interested in the birth either - he'll pretty much do as I tell him. It's our 2nd but 1st was a section and we're planning VBAC this time so neither of us know what to expect really.

He'll ask how I'm feeling and do stuff for me (like sleep in our son's room so I can sleep/toss and turn all night) but he's not very 'involved' with the pregnancy. I think he would do my head in a bit if he was though.

AnitaManeater Sat 20-Jun-15 22:45:43

my DH wouldn't touch my bumps, no interest in the pregnancies at all apart from turning up at scans as and when he was asked to. He was ok at the births, kept out the way which is what I wanted. I don't like being massaged or prodded! He was terrified of them all as newborns and only really stopped panicking when they were about 6 weeks old. No,problems at all now though.

littlejohnnydory Sun 21-Jun-15 09:13:19

Yeah, after the first baby my dh admitted he was bored by the pregnancy. He adored them once they were here. I don't think it's much of a problem though.

Athenaviolet Sun 21-Jun-15 09:18:30

What a depressing thread.

Why do these men have babies they are so disinterested in?

Euphemia Sun 21-Jun-15 09:25:47

DH wasn't interested through my pregnancy, other than coming to the scans and supporting me through nausea, thrush, indigestion, etc! He refused to come to the parenting classes - wise man, they were a patronising waste of time and populated by wankers.

He was terrific after the traumatic birth (emergency section, I nearly died) - phoning family and friends, co-ordinating visitors, etc. He likes to do, to fix. I think when I was pregnant he didn't really know what to do. smile

He didn't really come into his own as a dad until DD could interact with him. He's been great since then.

Everyone's different, I suppose!

MrsTedCrilly Sun 21-Jun-15 09:28:55

I get you. It's lovely to share the experience, get excited together, get some understanding for aches/pains etc. It sounds like you're almost going through it alone and he's just waiting for the good parts. You are incubating his offspring for gods sake!

TendonQueen Sun 21-Jun-15 09:29:41

What is he like day to day otherwise? Does he do stuff for you, is he considerate, is he affectionate, does he realise when you're tired and pick up the slack? Does he do his share of bed time, bath time, taking DS out to places, playing with him?

treaclesoda Sun 21-Jun-15 09:36:18

My DH was completely uninterested in pregnancy. He never touched my bump or anything like that, and he certainly wasn't interested in reading books about pregnancy or anything.

But he is an excellent dad, very hands on and was very involved right from when they were newborns.

It was upsetting when I was pregnant, but it wasn't an indication of him being a terrible dad. Or a terrible person.

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