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to feel like this re mothers/fathers day

(13 Posts)
Anydrinkwilldo Sat 20-Jun-15 11:05:55

I am fully prepared to be told I am irrational and unreasonable, and to save a drip feed I'm going to say now I'm 39 weeks pregnant and fed up!

BUT my issue is with mothers/fathers day. Father's day tomorrow and instead of arranging something nice to do with dh and dc we have to go visiting my DP and PIL. It is my DH fathers day too, why to we have to be the ones to get off our arses get in the car and do the trips to everyone else. We have to be the ones to visit ALL THE TIME anyway. I mentioned to my DM that we'd visit my DF today as we might be doing something ourselves tomorrow and I got the guilt trip 'oh does that mean he won't see the dc on fathers day, he was really looking forward to it'. Likewise when it comes to mothers day, if we're not out to see her or make plans to see her I get guilt tripped. I don't have any particular feelings towards mothers day for myself, a card, bunch of flowers and a hug is all I need but this year I found myself traipsing around shops and spending nearly 200 on her because she expects it.

Sorry that turned into more of a rant than I had planned. So AIBU and should I just suck it up?

Discopanda Sat 20-Jun-15 11:08:24

Split the day? Tomorrow we're going out for lunch with the kids then going to his parents for a takeaway. I don't have to make lunch OR dinner, it's more like mother's day!

AuntieStella Sat 20-Jun-15 11:14:12

Yes, your FIL and your DF are every bit as much fathers as your DH is.

But as you're 39 weeks pg, no you shouldn't be expected to travel much, or even host much.

So skipping and staying home for this one sounds totally reasonable to me.

But you'll need to renegotiate how different occasions are divvied up between family members at some point. But I think you'd be better off leaving that until your back on an even keel after the baby arrives. Just tell DH, quite forcefully if necessary, that he is not to book anything at all without talking to you about it first.

AuntyMag10 Sat 20-Jun-15 11:16:55

Yanbu, you have your own family now where there is a mother and father in your own home. Your dp and il are selfishly making it about them, when do you get your turn.
They should visit you if they feel it's so important to spend time with their kids and gc.

Euphemia Sat 20-Jun-15 11:17:28

People can only continue to expect things if you continue to do them. Just say you won't be doing them. You're a grown up - you're allowed to decide how to spend your time.

Evabeaversprotege Sat 20-Jun-15 11:18:17

I hate visiting my dad.

His house is tiny, the TV is always on too loud & he doesn't even talk anyway.

Fil is abroad & I forgot to post his card....

PtolemysNeedle Sat 20-Jun-15 11:18:39

Presumably your DH wouldn't have arranged to see his own Dad if he didn't want to? I think if he's happy with the arrangement for his Father's Day then you just have to deal with it, and then if you want all the family fathers to have a nice time with their own children next year, then host or book a big table somewhere.

mrsfuzzy Sat 20-Jun-15 11:21:04

sorry, but i never understand why people get so wound up over one day, shouldn't every day be treated as special ? i've never done any of this and certainly do not expect special treatment on mothers day, but that's me.

fredfredgeorgejnr Sat 20-Jun-15 11:21:58

You do not have a problem with fathers / mothers day, you have a problem with your relationship with your mother.

YABU. (but sort out your relationship with your mother, you're an adult, not a child - hopefully that's a safe assumption.)

oneplusoneplustwo Sat 20-Jun-15 11:27:12

YANBU. Although I think you need to just ride this one out being as its so close, and maybe pre-empt the next occasion by saying you'd rather just keep it all low key.

We just don't really celebrate it. I phone my dad to wish him happy Father's Day and take a card round at some point, but it's just a 10 min visit. We spend lots of time together throughout the year.

My kids just make DH cards and give him a hug. He then might go for a nice long bike ride and stop off at a pub on the way home.

I am happy with no gifts on Mother's Day, as is my DM. I know my kids love me and don't want presents that my husband has bought out of our joint account anyway.

Dowser Sat 20-Jun-15 12:25:57

Why not oh call in with card and present early morning or later in day. You don't have to traipse around.

Have a take away at yours. I don't understand why everything has to so rigid.

Meet half way for lunch if it's a long distance.

Nothing's set in stone.

Sawyer1986 Sat 20-Jun-15 12:41:01

YANBU. Fathers/mothers day is about the little kids and being able to spend time and spoil their daddy. That doesn't mean that GP dot get a look in but that can be done through the week.
They've had their time of raising kids how they wanted and now it's your turn.

LazyLouLou Sat 20-Jun-15 12:43:03

My problem with such days is more "what about all the people who aren't mothers/fathers? When do they get ^a day?^". Or isn't simply being alive an important enough thing to sell cards for?

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