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To think less of my friend? (And to ask what puts you off a person)

(450 Posts)
MonkeyPJs Fri 19-Jun-15 10:46:24

I have been friends with a woman for a while now, but recently, while in a cafe, she was awful to the wait staff after the service was a little slow (it was busy) talking to them like they were sub-human, and being rude and demanding. It was embarrassing! Ever since then I've thought less of her, and now not so sure I want to be close friends with someone who can be so unkind to others. She's always been nice to me, though.

AIBU to think less of her because of this one event? She wasn't having a bad day to my knowledge, and was perfectly pleasant to me both before and after talking to the waitress - as if nothing were wrong.

If IANBU, is there anything else that makes you think less of someone like this?

SEsofty Fri 19-Jun-15 11:06:56

Discovering that she had purposefully not vaccinated her children

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe Fri 19-Jun-15 11:13:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Fri 19-Jun-15 11:16:16

A colleague who I thought was lovely shared a Britain First post on FB the other day.

The usual 'in the old days we'd hang terrorists but now we give them benefits and a free house' kind of crap.

Distance myself now.

JessiePinkman Fri 19-Jun-15 11:17:19

Invitations to play games on fb
Non vaccinators
Hitting their children as 'discipline'
Very evangelical

HazleNutt Fri 19-Jun-15 11:22:43

An ex-friend got a puppy. A "breed dog, without papers". Without doing any research about the breed and what it means to be a dog owner. They "didn't have time" to train the dog, or even exercise it properly (but we have a big back yard!). And when it was less than a year old, were looking (on FB) for a new family for the poor animal.

I judged so hard I gave myself a judgey-pants wedgie..

Kajamite Fri 19-Jun-15 11:27:13

She was sleeping around whilst her fiancée was in a different country.

Her reasoning was 'well I love her and want to marry her so I'm getting it out of my system now so I don't cheat later.'

She was lovely apart from that.

LashesandLipstick Fri 19-Jun-15 11:29:38

YANBU. I HATE it when people are rude to minimum wage workers, they're not slaves and you're not better than them. Have some decency.

For me, ignorance puts me off people. When you think they're nice and then they come out with something homophobic or casually racist in the most nonchalant way.

Fatmomma99 Fri 19-Jun-15 11:29:52

all of the above.

And criminal taste in music.

Kajamite Fri 19-Jun-15 11:30:33

(I don't see her anymore btw, no idea if they ever did get married)

And I don't think YABU at all

cashewnutty Fri 19-Jun-15 11:31:32

My best friend got caught drink driving. I could barely look at her for a long time afterwards. Our friendship is back on track now but it took me a while.

PuntasticUsername Fri 19-Jun-15 11:33:07

Ignorance - yes. I was getting on with someone perfectly well once, then it emerged that she'd never heard of the Holocaust shock

ItsTricky Fri 19-Jun-15 11:35:27

One lady who I was fairly good friends with told me some very personal 'gossip' about another mutual friend. I distanced myself quick sharpish.

Apatite1 Fri 19-Jun-15 11:35:34

All of the above posters I agree with!

HootsMon Fri 19-Jun-15 11:35:39

This may get me flamed but I always think a teensy bit less of someone if they have an iPhone or iPad. Nothing, to me, says more clearly "I have more money than sense".

Lottapianos Fri 19-Jun-15 11:38:07

OP, I have a friend who is a bit off with waiting staff in restaurants. She's not horrendously rude but just a bit chilly, leaning towards arsey sometimes. I hate it - I did a brief stint as a waitress years ago and I know what a seriously hard job it is and I'm always extra polite to waiting staff (unless they are arses themselves!). She also reads the Daily Mail and adores Boris Johnson shock Its a good job she's kind and lovely in all other respects!

Definitely any homophobic or sexist crap, ditto racism
People who treat their children as nothing more than a huge pain in the arse
People who make unnecessary noise in public (playing music out of phone, bellowing into mobile phone, shrieking and laughing loudly, that sort of thing)
People who give you grief for what you eat / don't eat e.g. vegetarian, low sugar, teetotal

CillaAndArchie Fri 19-Jun-15 11:39:28

One friend kept trying to convert me to Christianity. I was quite touched that she was so worried we'd be going to different places in the Afterlife, but after a while it got quite irksome.

Lottapianos Fri 19-Jun-15 11:39:50

HootsMon, my DP would agree with you very strongly! I have no strong feelings about Apple but he thinks they're the devil incarnate and all their products should be razed from the face of the earth grin. I know that people who use Apple stuff take a huge nose dive in his estimation

Moomintroll85 Fri 19-Jun-15 11:39:53

Again all of the above. I really have to reassess people that are rude to waiters. I think it reveals a lot about a person.

People that share really right wing stuff on Facebook get deleted, unless they're family (sigh, there's a few of them but they're unfollowed).

Also people who endlessly harp on about themselves but don't listen to what anyone else has to say.

ClaudetteWyms Fri 19-Jun-15 11:42:00


Bitching about other women really puts me off "friends" as well, and I have distanced myself from some as a result.

I like the Audrey Hepburn quote: "You can tell more about a person by what they say about others than you can by what others say about them".

notarehearsal Fri 19-Jun-15 11:44:15

A (now ex) friend almost gloating on the phone that her and another friend had polished off four bottles of wine late afternoon and early evening and other friend was currently driving home quite some miles with two children in her car. I didn't know her friend, only her first name, and only knew roughly what area she lived or would have phoned the police. Put the phone down in shock and, to this day, am ashamed I just didn't know what to do. Luckily there was no accident

spongebob5 Fri 19-Jun-15 11:44:43

A friend (now more of an acquaintance) who got a puppy from a rescue. She already had an older dog. The puppy started to eat the other dogs poo, not nice I know but dogs are animals! The puppy was taken back to the rescue . She then bought a designer cross breed , which horror of horrors jumped on a sofa & wee'd on it. Again all normal puppy behaviour. After this happening a few times , the puppy went back to the breeder. angry

MrsGentlyBenevolent Fri 19-Jun-15 11:45:31

A good friend of mine is trans. They are having a difficult time, some people have said how disgusting it is, called them a freak, calling it a vile lifestyle choice. Usual discrimination, upsets them greatly and has lead to many a sad conversion about how horrid and ignorant some people can be.

Same person came around a few weeks ago and had a lovely long rant about 'benefit scroungers', and the 'p***s' down the road, daring to have a wedding. Believe it or not, they don't mean to be nasty, just are completely unaware of the hypocrisy in their judgement and narrow-mindedness of others.

Momagain1 Fri 19-Jun-15 11:46:54

YANBU to think less of her. Now you have seen this, you will likely notice similiar behaviour towards some mutual friends, or in references to her coworkers or clients. She ranks others by job status, possibly other categories like age or origin.

You can recategorise her into 'friend of friend', someone you used to know. What are the benefit of remaining friendly with her? Lots of mutual friends? dC are friends?

Staywithme Fri 19-Jun-15 11:47:00

People who don't like cats or dogs. I can't help feeling there's a little piece missing from their heart.

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