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To think you shouldn't draw other people into your arguments?

(14 Posts)
ApignamedJasper Fri 19-Jun-15 09:45:05

Didn't really know how to phrase this but oh well!

Aibu to think that if you are an adult that has a problem with another adult, you communicate with them, and only them, about the issue. You don't need to call and message the 'person you have a problem with's' mother, sister and partner trying to get them on your side and help you get your own way?

Just frustrated and a bit fed up sad

ChuckBiscuits Fri 19-Jun-15 10:46:58

'Gathering the flying monkeys'. Yes - it is a thing.

Collaborate Fri 19-Jun-15 10:49:18

Love the phrase ChuckBiscuits.

My sister does this with my parents. Bends their ear something rotten about me. I ignore, but it does disappoint me that they listen to her and (certainly used to) pass on her "grievances".

OP - YANBU. It's childish.

JulyKit Fri 19-Jun-15 10:53:34

Depends how and why it's done.

If it's a badmouthing exercise, then yes, clearly it's shit.

If it's a genuine attempt to obtain second opinions or more information (a RL AIBU? wink) then possibly it's OK.

MonkeyPJs Fri 19-Jun-15 10:56:10

I think it does reflect badly on them in the end, though. If only one "side" of an argument is complaining about it, it makes them look worse than the person being complained about

Ladymoods Fri 19-Jun-15 10:58:53

This happened to me on Facebook recently, was having a disagreement with a "friend" who then took everything very personally (it wasn't) and so rounded up some of her friends who had never met me, and told them to come in to the argument and slag me off! She then accused me of bullying!! I'm 36 and felt about 14, it was utterly pathetic. People only draw others into it when they have nowhere else to go and cannot back their point up any longer but refuse to admit this. Try and ignore the others if you can or explain that you don't wish for them to be involved and it is between you and the other person.

ApignamedJasper Fri 19-Jun-15 11:05:33

Yes July, I would think that fair enough if a RL aibu but it isn't in this case.

It's dp's ex. Bombarding him with text messages. Then when he doesn't instantly respond (because he's at work!!), she messages his mum and sister, who then have to phone him to get ex off their backs.

When that doesn't work, she texts me. Just leave me out of it! Why should I have to persuade Dp to do what you want? I just don't understand why she can't just sort out her issues with Dp by herself without having to bring me and his family into it, or using their ds as a guilt trip.

She has also done the FB thing Lady, getting people who've never ever met Dp to pile in on a post about him and insult him. She is in her 30's too!

It's just the exact same pattern every single time and its really irritating.

Lweji Fri 19-Jun-15 11:09:16

If she is bombarding people, then maybe they should tell her that such behaviour is harassment and they will be reporting her to the police for it.
And then do it.

sprackenzyboiled Fri 19-Jun-15 11:09:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ApignamedJasper Fri 19-Jun-15 11:11:47

Sounds like a nasty piece of work sprac sad

sprackenzyboiled Fri 19-Jun-15 11:19:23

I've never listed it in one place before and feel bizarrely emotional reading it back. The original argument was over something so stupid (but very identifiable), and it's become a years-long hate campaign. I won't hijack the thread, but I think I am going to contact a solicitor.

Fatmomma99 Fri 19-Jun-15 11:33:37

YNBU, and agree with all that's been said, but am the only one to think it's quite funny to post that on here, where we all get involved/drawn in/have opinions on other people's disputes. grin

ApignamedJasper Fri 19-Jun-15 11:39:03

Oh the irony fatmomma :D

Lweji Fri 19-Jun-15 13:33:13

I'm quite happy to get involved if I want to.

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