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To get really pissed off with old ladies telling me my DS 'isn't very happy' when he is crying?

(260 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

feezap Thu 18-Jun-15 19:19:18

My 9 month old DS has 'a good pair of lungs', he is also a bit of a drama queen and likes everyone to know how he's feeling, good or bad. I'm not worried by this, or being paranoid, a friend has described him as like an air raid siren going off!

I'm used to this and he rarely has a meltdown when we are out and about but today he was teething badly and I was in town about half an hour before he could have any medication. An old dear looked at him and then me and told me that he wasn't very happy. Really? Do you think I haven't noticed? Just bugger off. angry

GeorgianaDevonshire Thu 18-Jun-15 19:21:24

An old dear? Can't you just refer to her as a 'woman'?

saoirse31 Thu 18-Jun-15 19:22:44

He's a baby of nine months and you're calling him a drama queen? lucky baby...

AuntyMag10 Thu 18-Jun-15 19:23:29

Poor baby.

NewFlipFlops Thu 18-Jun-15 19:24:15

It's just a conversational thing, blimey.

leeloo1 Thu 18-Jun-15 19:25:34

Generally people are well meaning and if you smile and say 'no more chap, he's teething' or similar you'll get lots of sympathy.

ShiftyFades Thu 18-Jun-15 19:25:57

How can you tell that a 9 month old is a "drama queen"? blush

leeloo1 Thu 18-Jun-15 19:26:08

Poor, not more. Bloody autocorrect !

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Thu 18-Jun-15 19:26:55

Ageist over-reaction on your part. They're just trying to communicate with other members of the human race. We all do it, and we all state the obvious from time to time. Cut some slack. Age will come to you too one day, believe it or not.

AliceInSandwichLand Thu 18-Jun-15 19:26:55

She's trying to be friendly and remembering her own days as a mother, probably. It can be irritating, but it sounds like she just wanted to make conversation. Would you want to be referred to as an old dear, in due course?

ilovesooty Thu 18-Jun-15 19:27:38

How old is an old dear? Would the comment have bothered you less from someone younger?

purdiepie Thu 18-Jun-15 19:27:52

YABU. And I suspect you are more worried about your banshee baby than you care to admit.

LillianGish Thu 18-Jun-15 19:28:46

Probably not meant as a criticism - more like a sympathetic remark from someone who has brought up kids of their own. Would you prefer everyone to just completely ignore you and your baby?

Sleepybeanbump Thu 18-Jun-15 19:29:41

Dear god, how many weird angles are people going to take to get in a dig at the poor op. The comments from strangers are patronising, so the use of 'old dear' seems apt. And what's wrong with calling got baby a drama queen? It's only a light hearted turn of phrase fgs.


WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 Thu 18-Jun-15 19:30:36

I used to get really upset when DD1 was very little and when she cried people would tell me she was unhappy. I had PND and found everything very hard to cope with, I took it very personally and wanted to burst into tears myself a lot of the time. I do think it can be upsetting for strangers to tell you that, if oyu are at a low ebb, as you take it to mean that you are a bad parent / you are making your child unhappy / they are criticising you etc and so on.

DocHollywood Thu 18-Jun-15 19:31:02

And this is still bugging you hours later?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Thu 18-Jun-15 19:31:11

Old dear is patronising. The OP needs a grip.

Hygge Thu 18-Jun-15 19:31:58

People tend to say that in sympathy, to show you they've been through it and aren't judging.

It's kind of an "oh dear, someone sounds cross/isn't happy" sympathy comment.

SaucyJack Thu 18-Jun-15 19:32:38

Yes, YABU.

Are you new to Mumsnet? I assume so. You need to learn pronto that all females of a certain age are all (without exception) well-meaning, but lonely, and it is their moral right to cheer themselves up by passing 15 seconds in the supermarket by making insensitive and personal remarks to any passing mothers.

IWillOnlyEatBeans Thu 18-Jun-15 19:34:22

DS1 was a screamer. I would often be offered helpful advice like 'you should feed that baby'. Like I hadn't just spent the previous two hours glued to the sofa with him latched on before making a ten minute dash to the chemist for nipples cream.


ShakesBootyFlabWobbles Thu 18-Jun-15 19:35:11

Having a teething baby is not fun and tests even the most patient parents. However I think the woman was just trying to be nice when you are likely at your grumpiest or frustrated.

So YANBU to feel irritated as you have enough on your plate.

But the woman was NBU either, probably remembering when she had a baby doing the same thing and trying to make conversation.

So, on balance, YABU, and I think when you've had a less stressful day, you'll probably see this yourself.

feezap Thu 18-Jun-15 19:35:26

OK, I am definitely BU to get annoyed by this. It always just sounds accusatory to me, especially when I am doing my utmost to make sure DS is OK.

Drama queen is an affectionate term, although I can see how that came across as a bit harsh. He's lovely, and very interactive. He enjoys a lot of attention and will never be one of those babies/children who will just placidly tag along. I like this, but other people have said they think he is hard work.

Thank you for helping me get it a bit in perspective, it probably wasn't a personal attack even if it sounded that way to me.

Icelandicsuperyoghurt Thu 18-Jun-15 19:36:42

I might be in the old dear catchment area - 54. I do occasionally say something on the lines of "Oh deary me, someone's not a happy shopper" etc. I'm not lonely and I'm not cheering myself up, sort of more trying to sympathise with a parent or whoever, about the nightmare that shopping with babies/toddlers, can sometimes be.

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles Thu 18-Jun-15 19:38:21

Good response OP.

ExcuseMyEyebrows Thu 18-Jun-15 19:40:33

Insensitive? For christ's sake, the poor woman was only making conversation and showing the op a bit of sympathy.

OP, why don't you hide him away in his pram so no 'old' people can see, hear or god forbid touch him.

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