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To want our baby DS to have his own room like DSD has had...

(217 Posts)
RL20 Wed 17-Jun-15 20:45:43

To cut a long story short, we've been together for 5 and a half years. OH has a 6year old DD from previous short relationship. Quick background she split with him whist still pregnant, they didn't get on for a good few years but always fought to see DD, despite not being on the birth certificate. He applied to pay CSA himself as she always said she never wanted anything from him. He/we have his DD every fortnight for 2 nights, but 9 times out of 10, she stays at OH's mums for one of the nights (his DD and mum are quite close as she had a lot to do with her as a baby as only she was allowed to collect her etc, long story!). So in theory we have her 3 or 4 nights per month as an estimate. We live in a 2 bed rented flat, one room of which has been decorated to DD's taste. However she only started using her bedroom in the last year as before then she stayed in our room as she didn't like being on her own. So it's mainly been used as storage for her toys!
So, we now have a 2 month old DS together and want to move I to a house. I feel very strongly that I want DS to have his own bedroom, as his DD has for the past 4 years, and obviously 6 years at her own house. Why should my DS be any different? OH thinks they should share and it be neutral. He's a boy and as he grows up in a couple of years he's going to no doubt want his own mark on the room! I feel annoyed that he wants a big bed and a big cot bed in one room, when the bed is only going to be used a couple of times a month. I suggested a fold out sofa bed thing for when she stays, and obviously all of her toys in her toy box, and clothes in a drawer. It fell on deaf ears. We really can't afford a 3 bed house and don't think it's justifiable seeing as the bedroom will rarely be used! Am I being unreasonable?!?!

Sickoffrozen Wed 17-Jun-15 20:49:01

Yes you are in my opinion. Smacks of jealousy to me too.

CamelHump Wed 17-Jun-15 20:49:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twittertwit Wed 17-Jun-15 20:50:47

Your baby doesn't need his own room yet, so pushing dsd's things to mark it as his seems pointed and unnecessary.

Your tone regarding your dsd seems rather bitter/resentful and this is bound to spill out in your behaviour towards her - be careful.

Klayden Wed 17-Jun-15 20:52:57

YABU and petty. He's too young at this point to need a room, revisit it later.

Floralnomad Wed 17-Jun-15 20:53:14

YABVU , it's not his daughters fault that you have chosen to have another child and she should not be treated as a second class citizen .

conniedescending Wed 17-Jun-15 20:53:36

This has to be carefully managed but yanbu. Not such much of a problem when your ds is a baby but he will be living there permanently so logically needs more space and should get the room.

Oswin Wed 17-Jun-15 20:54:33

If there going to be sharing then it either needs to be neutral or a split room.

shoppingbagsundereyes Wed 17-Jun-15 20:54:48

In RL and on mumsnet I so often come across people who choose a partner who already has a child/children and then moan about that child. You chose a man with a dd. when you chose to have your own child you knew that a. He had a dd and b. You couldn't afford a 3 bedroomed house. So clearly the children were going to have to share. Baffles me.

basgetti Wed 17-Jun-15 20:54:54

Yes you are. Presumably DSD had her own room because she was an only child at that point. Your situation is no different from many other families in a 2 bed house when a second child comes along. My DS has had is own room for the first 6 years of his life. New baby is unlikely to have her own room for the foreseeable future, that's just life in a small house with kids. Relegating her to the sofa is really crappy.

formidable Wed 17-Jun-15 20:57:07

Hang on, you don't want a 3 bed house but you don't want DS to share?

Where's DSD going to sleep? In the garden?

formidable Wed 17-Jun-15 20:58:47

Oh I see, on a put you up.

Yes, you're being really quite horrid and unreasonable.

Guyropes Wed 17-Jun-15 20:59:01

t I want DS to have his own bedroom, as his DD has for the past 4 years, and obviously 6 years at her own house. Why should my DS be any different?

Er, because he came along 2nd and you can't afford a 3 bed?

Sharing a bedroom might not be appropriate forever, but it's perfectly reasonable for the time being.

Sansarya Wed 17-Jun-15 20:59:29

You know the advice is to keep the baby in your room til he's six months, right?

GaryBaldy Wed 17-Jun-15 20:59:58

What shopping bags said

MrsCaptainReynolds Wed 17-Jun-15 21:00:17

Try and get over the boy/girl thing. Both my boys have bright primary colours in their rooms, if I had a daughter she'd have the same. You as a couple have two children to take account of. They share the room. Anything else is just mean.

ollieplimsoles Wed 17-Jun-15 21:00:29

I'm going to go against the grain and suggest that you are not being unreasonable. But you have to handle it well.

I think your son does need his own room, he lives there permanently. As DSD gets older she is going to want to stay there less anyway.

I would put them in together for now, but in a couple of years get a sofa bed.

I never got my own room when I stayed at my dads.

AnyFucker Wed 17-Jun-15 21:01:04

is that you Boxroom ?

SpendSpendSpend Wed 17-Jun-15 21:01:05


The resident child gets the bedroom of their own. Theres no reason why a camp bed would be a problem. If dsd stayed 50% of the time then they should share the room.

crumblybiscuits Wed 17-Jun-15 21:02:45

YABU. I would be fuming if DD's step mum demanded she slept on a pull out bed. It couldn't scream 'unwelcome' any louder.

Mintyy Wed 17-Jun-15 21:04:15

Yanbu. If she only stays 2 nights in 14 at the most then yanbu. Also the age difference between them is too big for sharing. You could have a sofa bed in the living room and she could sleep in your bed when staying with you and you and dp sleep in the living room?

Missdee2014 Wed 17-Jun-15 21:04:20

YABU. My dd's father has a new baby and they no longer have a room in his house. They have a single bed between them which enrages me tbh. As a result my girls are feeling not only left out but pushed out. Since this happened my eldest (11) hasn't spoken to or visited her dad.

wearymum73 Wed 17-Jun-15 21:04:53

You have said that you'd like your 2 month old DS to have his own room, yes that would be lovely, but you have your SDD to think about, she only started using the room in the past year and she was 5, about the time you got pregnant, so she now thinks this as her room.
I think you need to put on hold your DS having his own room for a few years, and then maybe you can afford a 3 bed house.
Or he stays in the room most of the month until then, and then you discuss the matter further.

formidable Wed 17-Jun-15 21:05:19

What's wrong with decorating it neutrally and having two single beds?

Or, because DS is a boy, were you going to stencil giant penises around the walls?

crumblybiscuits Wed 17-Jun-15 21:05:28

Literally you would be taking away what she has known for four years to sleep in a bed and relegate her to the sofa because you have a new baby that comes first.

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