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Hubby's friends won't sponsor us.

(167 Posts)
TorrAlexandra Wed 17-Jun-15 13:06:14

A couple that DH and I are friends with are getting married in a few months in Italy. Neither of them is Italian (they're both from Essex) but they've decided to get married there just because they can, and so we're all paying hundreds of pounds to travel half way across the continent to be there. They've also had the gall to ask people for donations towards their dream honeymoon as a gift - as if forking out for their dream wedding isn't enough.

What upsets me if this - DH and I are taking part in a sponsored run to raise money for a charity that helped take care of my father before he died last year, and out of all of our friends these two are the only people who haven't sponsored us, and DH has warned me not to expect a donation and the groom in particular has a history of being stingy when it comes to these things.

AIBU to think that if they can afford to have a ridiculously extravagant wedding and expect us all to go and to donate towards their honeymoon, surely they can sponsor us £10 for a cancer charity? I'm really quite disgusted and angry!!

TessBrookes Wed 17-Jun-15 13:09:07

YABU. I don't see the relevance between who somebody decides or not to support charity wise and where they have their wedding.
Sure, it would be nice if they did sponsor you, but you can't make someone.
That's a personal decision to them.

ApocalypseThen Wed 17-Jun-15 13:09:30

They don't owe you any sponsorship. Going to their wedding does not entitle you to any money they may have for any cause.

FarFromAnyRoad Wed 17-Jun-15 13:09:31

I'm afraid you are being incredibly unreasonable. I never ever do 'sponsoring' stuff - I do not agree with pressurised charity giving and I never want to be in a situation where, come the time, I don't have the ready money. I give to charity in my way, when I can and the amount I want.
The wedding of your friends has got less that bugger all to do with your fundraising.

JohnCusacksWife Wed 17-Jun-15 13:09:40

Their money, their choice. The same it's your choice to go, or not, to their wedding or contribute, or not, to their honeymoon.

Heels99 Wed 17-Jun-15 13:09:57

Yabu. They invited you to their wedding and you chose to attend despite the high costs involved. That doesn't obligate them to sponsor you for anything. Sorry about your dad and hope the run goes well.

WorraLiberty Wed 17-Jun-15 13:10:09


Either accept the wedding invitation or don't

You can't expect favours from everyone who invites you to something

Unexpected Wed 17-Jun-15 13:10:38

Unfortunately people can choose whom to sponsor or not for charity just as you could also choose whether or not to attend their expensive wedding. Why are you going? You don't even sound as if you like them very much!

FryOneFatManic Wed 17-Jun-15 13:11:31

Their money, so their choice on which charities, if any, to sponsor.

takemetomars Wed 17-Jun-15 13:12:04

YANBU. But you are going to get plenty of people who will tell you that you are. This happened to us recently, my husband did the nightride around London for MS, a charity which has helped my DS. Despite knowing this, only 2 of my friends sponsored him, the only 2 friends I have who are totally cash strapped. My 'richer' friends didn't even acknowledge that he was doing it let alone sponsor him and I had sponsored 2 of them in the recent past - not because I particularly supported their causes but because i appreciated THEIR efforts!

People are shitbags sometimes

MrsKoala Wed 17-Jun-15 13:12:59

What?! Really? YABVU. I don't see how the wedding and the sponsorship are linked in any way. confused

takemetomars Wed 17-Jun-15 13:13:04

see?? warned you!

Nottalotta Wed 17-Jun-15 13:13:12

I'll probably be going against the grain here but I think Yabu. I routinely don't sponsor people. I work for a large company and there are weekly, if not more often, requests for sponsorship from colleagues raising money for charitable causes that are close to their hearts. I say no to just about all of them. I give a set amount monthly to two charities, and a yearly amount to a charity that helped my nan in her last months. I sponsor my (aged 6 & 7) nephews and that's all.

I can't possibly donate to every charity i am asked to I'm afraid so have adopted a pretty much blanket 'no' policy. Although i do explain that i support charities of my choice.

Re the wedding, I couldn't afford to go so wouldn't be an issue for me.

WorraLiberty Wed 17-Jun-15 13:13:30

Also it's out of order to say he has a history of being stingy when it comes to these things.

You don't know what he gives to charity in private.

NerrSnerr Wed 17-Jun-15 13:13:48

Are you for real? I hate it when people expect me to sponsor them and get cross when you don't. I give what I can to charities of my choice, and you doing a bike ride won't affect whether I give to that charity.

jossiesGiants1 Wed 17-Jun-15 13:13:49

You don't have to go to the wedding, you know that right?

I personally hate sponsoring people, especially if it involves them just wanting to achieve a lifetime goal.. thinking Kilimanjaro climb, or Machu Picchu trek…. Help me raise £3,000 and I get to climb a mountain, while about £3.20 actually goes to the charity….

This won’t end well for you.

FarFromAnyRoad Wed 17-Jun-15 13:14:02

No. People are not 'shitbags' sometimes - how ridiculous! I detest this 'thing' where fundraisers seem to think it's ok to pressure or guilt people into giving - especially if their cause isn't strong enough to hold it's ground and you then have to resort to pointing out how much money they've got. Bad form.

takemetomars Wed 17-Jun-15 13:14:25

linked by the friendship maybe Mrskoala?

33goingon64 Wed 17-Jun-15 13:14:34

It's nice to be invited to a wedding in Italy, surely? Go and enjoy the lovely food and wine you're not expected to pay for and enjoy the mini holiday. Don't see a connection with sponsorship at all.

Summerisle1 Wed 17-Jun-15 13:15:11

YABU. The two events are unconnected. However, they have the same option of declining the sponsorship as you have to decline their wedding invitation.

viva100 Wed 17-Jun-15 13:15:32

YABVU and entitled. It really is their choice what they do with their money. It's none of your business what charities they choose to support or not. And just cause you're doing a run doesn't entitle you to other people's money. Seriously, running a marathon is your choice, not everyone else's. The fact that so many of your friends are giving is very lucky.

As to the wedding, it is your choice to go and give money. If you don't have enough backbone to turn down an invitation that's your problem, not theirs

Nottalotta Wed 17-Jun-15 13:15:53

There were no replies when i started typing. Not against the grain after all.

ouryve Wed 17-Jun-15 13:16:15

I can't see why you're going to the wedding, at great expense, when you don't even appear to like them that much.

PosterEh Wed 17-Jun-15 13:16:25

YABU I give money to charity but I prefer to donate direct rather than pay the overheads towards friend's hobbies. I don't share the details of my charity donations with anyone other than the tax man so I expect my friends might think I'm stingy when I don't sponsor them to run, hike etc.

OhEmGeee Wed 17-Jun-15 13:16:36

Yabu, sorry.

You don't have to go to their wedding. They don't have to sponsor you.

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