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To just go?

(23 Posts)
NotLikingGRRMRightNow Tue 16-Jun-15 17:55:24

Ex and I broke up three years ago. He's remarried. I am still happily single smile.

I want to take my dc away on holiday. I know from bitter experience that this will unleash a shit storm. He is a very controlling man and cannot stand that his children may do exciting things without him. He wouldn't prevent it but he would be "difficult". By difficult I mean stopping child support, fabricating excuses to send abusive messages, arguing and picking fights when picking up kids, slagging me off to mutual friends and so on.

I just want to take them and face his wrath when I return. There's no court order in place, we've always managed without in the name of being "amicable" hmm.

Would go for two weeks over summer holidays. Wouldn't tell kids until the day, then just go and send him a message to say we booked a last minute deal and "SEE YA!!" Then switch off phone for the two weeks.

Opinions?

creativevoid Tue 16-Jun-15 17:58:32

If you are going abroad you need his permission. I haven't been asked for proof (so far) but you wouldn't want to give him the opportunity to accuse you of child abduction. If it's in this country, I say go ahead. You don't need his permission to do things on your time.

creativevoid Tue 16-Jun-15 18:02:57

You might also just think about looking for opportunities to disengage. He slags you off to mutual friends? Ignore - he just looks like a twat. Cut communication down to e-mail so he doesn't have the opportunity to abuse you without leaving a record. Cuts off child support? Straight to CSA every time. Sometimes the price you pay for being "amicable" is too high. And think about putting something legal in place. It reduces his power - which he clearly enjoys and continues to exercise. It's worth the money to crack that nut if you can afford it.

bettyboop1000 Tue 16-Jun-15 18:03:38

When I was divorcing ex, I asked my solicitor about this as I had a weeks holiday booked abroad. She told me that I did not need his permission to take the children out of the country if it was for four weeks or less. Anything over four weeks, I would need his permission. This was in 2012 when the children were 2 & 4.

NotLikingGRRMRightNow Tue 16-Jun-15 18:11:05

Thanks for responses smile. It's in this country and there's a good chance that he himself will be away on business when we are away. He doesn't actually see kids that much but thinks he can still have a say in stuff like this.

I am actually totally disengaged and don't care what he says or does but would rather not deal with the sulks for the time leading up to going away if it can be avoided.

mojo17 Tue 16-Jun-15 18:18:01

If you think he wouldn't 'get at' the dcs then go for it

BlueStarsAtNight Tue 16-Jun-15 18:23:33

If it's in this country I'd just go! Assuming he isn't due to see them during that time then I wouldn't have thought there is any need to tell him?

DragonWithAGirlTattoo Tue 16-Jun-15 18:28:59

I wouldn't tell him

BitchBags Tue 16-Jun-15 18:30:01

Just go smile tell him on the day that you have booked a last minute deal and goo off and have fun smile

formidable Tue 16-Jun-15 18:31:30

It's in this country, and it doesn't affect when he would see them anyway.

Don't tell him. I don't. You don't need his permission to live your life with your children.

SurlyCue Tue 16-Jun-15 18:32:46

Definitely just go. There is no reason to tell him beforehand or even when you go unless his contact falls during the two weeks.

LaurieFairyCake Tue 16-Jun-15 18:33:27

This country, yep do it.

And make sure you keep the phone actually off - ive heard a tale of an increasing hysterical ex who managed to get them to come back by claiming their house was broken into and the 'police wanted to see them'

DoTheDuckFace Tue 16-Jun-15 18:33:28

I would just go and not mention it to him.

Have fun!!

Branleuse Tue 16-Jun-15 18:40:29

I do not, and would not ask for my ex husbands permssion to take my son on holiday. How ridiculous. Not for a normal holiday you dont.

NotLikingGRRMRightNow Tue 16-Jun-15 18:41:32

He tells me week to week when he can have dc and never has them overnight due to "work" so yes contact would be missed but nothing that is regular and is only a matter of a couple of hours a week.

SurlyCue Tue 16-Jun-15 18:47:00

Oh he's one of those "when it suits him dickheads" hmm

Well that can work both ways. Go. If/when he gets in touch that week to say he will take the kids just reply saying "doesnt suit the kids this week as they are on holiday. They will be back on X date so will be available for contact from then." And then turn off your phone. Because he will kick off and you dont need that to ruin your holiday.

Bair Tue 16-Jun-15 19:35:21

He sounds like an ass, but I'd be upset if someone took my kids abroad for a holiday without telling me. But then I'd notice, as I see mine every day.

Personally I'd tell him and just ignore him behaving like a prize twat, I know that's easy to say sat behind a screen though.

Spog Tue 16-Jun-15 19:35:24

Go.
And do not tell him until absolutely necessary.
he's a right wanker, isn't he?
well done on divorcing him.
i feel sorry for his current wife.

Andrewofgg Tue 16-Jun-15 19:42:01

You don't say how old the DC are. Have they got their own phones? Is there any likelihood that they will want to phone their father? If they keep their phones on might he phone them if he can't reach you? If they talk by phone I do not think you can or should stop that going on while you are on holiday.

It may not be as easy as you think.

LittleMissRayofHope Tue 16-Jun-15 19:52:02

100% go.
And as a previous poster has said don't tell him until you get the text asking for contact.

And also like previous posters, once you have told him switch the phone off!! Unless you are disengaged enough to read all the angry messages and just laugh cos he's a prize knobhead like me

Enjoy your holiday! Enjoy your kids.
My ExH wouldn't even enter my thoughts wrt booking a holiday. Especially if contact was unreliable.

VanitasVanitatum Tue 16-Jun-15 19:53:04

It's not abroad bair

NotLikingGRRMRightNow Tue 16-Jun-15 19:53:28

Oh I am happy for him to speak to the kids while they're away, just not me.

I've no doubt he will make a massive fuss about them not being available but this is a man who saw them for a max of about seven hours last month so I just can't take his righteous indignation seriously.

Bair Tue 16-Jun-15 20:18:20

Sorry, I'll put my glasses on. I read that as it's abroad. blush

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