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to pay my mum 100 pounds per month

(21 Posts)
mileend2bermondsey Tue 16-Jun-15 10:51:24

Hi there,
I am 23 and have lived out of the house since I was 17. I have been stupid with money and got into a lot of debt and have asked my mother if I can move back home for approx a year and a half to sort myself out. We have not discussed rent but I thought if I buy my own food, toiletries and buy household stuff when we need it (washing powder, toilet rolls etc) then I could give her 100 pounds per month towards bills? I know that is a poultry amount, but I thought it would be better to be able to repay my debt quicker and be out of the house sooner than to pay more keep and be there for longer than necessary.

So as not to drip feed: my 22 year old brother lives at home and does not pay rent, has only been out of the house for two years when he went to uni but would come back at weekends and holidays, so not really moved out. My mum always says she is going to start making him pay rent but something always comes up (he wants to learn to drive so he can its easier to get a job, he wants to do an expensive course so he can get a better job etc).

Superexcited Tue 16-Jun-15 10:53:27

Is it just you moving back in or do you have a partner / child who will also be moving in?
How much do you earn vs how much does your brother earn?
Is your mum expecting you to pay anything?

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie Tue 16-Jun-15 10:56:56

Surely it's down to your mum how much you pay? If she asks for £100 per month then fine. It if she wants more you need to pay more.

BabyMurloc Tue 16-Jun-15 10:57:24

If your brother does not pay rent she likely won't expect anything. I think if you are buying your own food/toiletries and a few bits of household stuff £100 a month towards the bills is fair. The main thing you need to do is make sure you don't squander the rest and have a proper plan to pay things off. Sit down with your mum and be honest. Explain what has happened and go through a plan to sort yourself out with her. Then hopefully she will support and help you in this. Good luck.

mileend2bermondsey Tue 16-Jun-15 11:01:51

No kids, no partners. I dont know how much I will earn yet as I will have to move cross country to go back home and find a job there but I imagine DB and I will be earning roughly the same around #1200 take home.

I worked it out as car insurance/petrol/parking #150, food and other #150, debt repayment #700, keep #100, #100 contingency (sorry my pound key doesnt work).
She always says if we live at home then we have to pay rent, but has never actually made DB pay anything.

Thanks Murloc I think I just need to explain to her that Im not keeping the money to party with, but pay off debt so I can get out from under her feet quicker

Charlesroi Tue 16-Jun-15 11:05:46

£100 doesn't sound very much but it all depends on how much you earn and what the bills are. Most importantly it depends if your mum is happy with this. It's up to her whether she charges your brother (I would!).

Have a chat with her and ask if she thinks that is fair, but be prepared to pay a bit more if she asks for it. You'll still be saving a load of money over having your own place.

Have you had debt advice? It's worth looking at for top tips on reducing that debt, some good ideas on making extra money and spending a bit less.

BreconBeBuggered Tue 16-Jun-15 11:24:58

How will the logistics of buying your own food work out? Will you be preparing it separately as well? Does your brother do the same?

Gdydgkyk Tue 16-Jun-15 11:28:13

That's a reasonable amount.

Gdydgkyk Tue 16-Jun-15 11:29:03

Particularly if you are doing a reasonable amount of house jobs too

mileend2bermondsey Tue 16-Jun-15 11:29:13

DB buys and prepares his own food as he is very health/fitness focussed.
I work shifts and nights so I tend to eat at odd hours so would be eating seperatley anyway.

jossiesGiants1 Tue 16-Jun-15 11:44:38

Given the fact that you are taking responsibility for your debt and not asking for handouts, I think £100 is fine. Your mum obviously needs to be happy but I know if my child was actively trying to reduce their debt I would feel quite proud and not charge anything unless I had to.

SkippyTheBushKangeroo Tue 16-Jun-15 11:49:39

Given the circumstances it doesn't sound too bad. If I was your mum I would probably agree to it. I would hope that you would be very helpful and appreciative. iykwim. Being proactive about chores/gardening/dog walking or whatever goes a long, long way. You've obviously messed up but the fact that you are actively addressing your problems is admirable and if I was your mum I would want to help you.

BTW Have you done everything possible to minimise your debts - 0% credit cards etc etc?

If you move back then I think you should be careful not to get into a row about your brother. I can see it's irritating that your brother isn't contributing but it is your Mums issue. I imagine your mum wouldn't like the thought of you moving back and then having to deal with you and your DB bickering.

Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.

snowglobemouse Tue 16-Jun-15 12:24:37

Well it's up to your mum really!

PurpleSwift Tue 16-Jun-15 12:30:10

No one here can tell you if that's okay. You need to be speaking to your mum. If it's fine with her then it sounds ideal but I don't think she'd be unreasonable in expecting more.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams Tue 16-Jun-15 12:51:08

A) I would try to forget about your brother and what he does and doesn't pay.

B) Since she is largely subsidising you at £100 a month, I would sit down with her as soon as you secure a job with your budget, and lay out your plan to get out of debt. Be totally transparent with your finances and that way you will hopefully not be on the receiving end of nagging if she feels you are blowing cash when you go out for the evening.
Set out your monthly budget for:
eg: Commute/Car costs;
Debt repayment
Rent to Her
Car maintenance and insurance/tax
Food and work lunches/coffees
Clothing allowance - you will need to buy something over 18 months unless you have run up huge debts mostly buying new clothes
Holiday allowance - if any
Entertainment and keep fit.
Savings - so you can move out. Bear in mind that interest rates on debt will be higher than savings so it is in your interests to clear that first.

If you are very lucky she will insist that the rental allowance goes against your debt repayment plan. Then set up a direct debit to take the money from your account on payday every month.

FeelingSmurfy Wed 17-Jun-15 06:59:59

I think it sounds reasonable as you are planning on contributing to other things too, it may be easier to pay more and not go and get food etc though, it would seem like you were paying more (i f anyone asked, may guilt brother in to it a bit)

I think paying more would help mum budget more too as she would know she had X amount to buy shopping etc not "well I have X amount but I think mileend is buying the shopping..." You would also know exactly how much was going towards that rather than shopping being £40 one week and £60 the next

firesidechat Wed 17-Jun-15 07:52:26

I honestly don't think it's up to you to say how much you want to pay.

I paid £100 a month to my mum 34 years ago and things have changed a bit since then.

When our daughter left uni we were happy for her to stay at home and not pay rent for various reasons - we could afford it, it was for a limited time, she is really good with money and we knew she would save for a rental deposit, she is good company and no trouble at all. This was very much our choice, just as it should be your mums.

Your mum's financial situation is the most relevant thing here. Can she even afford to help you to this extent?

notapizzaeater Wed 17-Jun-15 07:57:44

I agree on paper it sounds ok, but you don't know your mums financial state and she might need more than £100 a month.

Money saving expert has a section called debt free wannabe and there are lots of poster I. Their offering lots of advice.

Good luck ,

GloGirl Wed 17-Jun-15 08:18:51

If it were me I'd say that I was moving back until my debts were repaid, so she has an incentive for you to repay as much as possible so you will move out sooner! With that in mind I'd ask her what "keep" she would want from you to see if it were feasible to move back in. If she wanted, say, £400 a month I just wouldn't bother to move back home.

poocatcherchampion Wed 17-Jun-15 08:30:23

Are you sure that budget is reasonable? There is nothing for fixing a car problem/car tax etc

Also nothing for going out/leisure time/holiday even.

It would be better to have something realistic than something ambitious but not achievable. Particularly if you want to demonstrate that you are tackling this properly and for the long term.

I would suggest adding £100 to each of those categories which you can put towards depbt repayment if you don't spend them. A challenge is always motivating. Failing to achieve is demotivating.

Do you want to tell us how much the debt is?

SuperFlyHigh Wed 17-Jun-15 09:26:01

You could think it may be easier for your mum to buy food and cook it (economy on food if she buys in bulk and save on bills).

Also you need a plan - spreadsheet or whatever to monitor your incomings and outgoings.

I would also do a 2nd job - bar work, babysitting or Task Rabbit (for other jobs) as you'll have evenings and weekends free.

You need really voucher code sites and MSE for money off stuff towards clothes and when you do buy them either Primark or sales. Same for going out look for free stuff, free drinks in bars with coupons on phones, Pizza Express voucher codes etc.

Also consider Ebay, Gumtree, FB pages etc to sell spare/unwanted things.

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