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Party pooper!

(11 Posts)
ostrichneck Mon 15-Jun-15 15:28:05

I have a ds from a previous relationship and am pregnant with my partner. We are engaged and have our wedding booked for November next year. I will go on maternity leave in January.

I must admit, we are not doing things by halves.... Pregnancy before wedding is enough, but we also are doing up the house, I am studying part time while working full time. When I go on ML, I will go from a £30k a year job to SMP at £139 a week. I currently have a saving pot for the wedding (which is being added to by our parents also), I have a saving pot for Christmas, and I have a little squirelled away saving pot for anything I may need while I am on ML. DH2B would never see me go without, I could ask for money at any given time and he wouldn't even ask what it was for. But when it comes around to things like his birthday, father's day or coffees with the other mums for example, I would like to be able to pay for these things myself. Not to mention my insistence to defend my independence to the death!!

Anyway, my point is when DS was born, he had everything, the completely done out nursery -that he never used- , all the best clothes etc, everything brand new. This time around, I am more of the opinion that no, baby doesn't need a nursery, no, we don't need to buy every 'oh my god that's so cute' outfit we see (because we will be inundated with clothes as gifts from our huge families and big social circle) ! Yes we can buy regular furniture from IKEA that isn't ''nursery furniture'' and is a lot more practical while it has all the added advantages of being purse friendly. The only thing I am worried about is that, this is my partner's pfb (as amazing as he is with DS) and he will want to splash out like most first timer's. Will I just be royally pissing on his parade in my attempts to be economical and realistic? Or do I let him go nuts like the bottle of pop that he is and let him enjoy this for the first time??? I'd be a right party pooper wouldn't I??

NRomanoff Mon 15-Jun-15 15:32:20

It doesn't sound like you have actually discussed this with him?

How far along are you? Do you have plenty of time to dicuss this?

The answer would be compromise. Let him splash out a bit (if he even wants to) but be more frugal with other things.

binspin Mon 15-Jun-15 15:32:40

Talk to him about it. If he wants to splash the cash then let him.

ostrichneck Mon 15-Jun-15 15:36:50

Yeah I am going to talk to him about it. we have 6 months yet anyway. In my head, I know really that he will do what he wants anyway, just didn't want to upset him by having him think I am not as excited about this pregnancy as I was about my pfb!(which I am btw)

ItsTricky Mon 15-Jun-15 15:38:26

You could write a list of items you need and which items you prefer new or don't mind getting secondhand. Set a budget as it's easy to spiral out of control.

ItsTricky Mon 15-Jun-15 15:40:28

And you're right, its his first baby so he is bound to find the process more exciting (not that second babies aren't exciting but.. you know what I mean)

ostrichneck Mon 15-Jun-15 15:46:14

yep I get you!

The list sounds good. I think the only thing I would want new are the pram and the mattresses for moses basket and cot. I'll see what he says.

It doesn't help that BIL & SIL have just had pfb and I can see his eyes light up at all these wonderful all singing, all dancing gadgets... I wouldn't even know how to work the bottle warmer 'god-send' thingy... DS is 10 so we had a saucepan of boiling water and the wrist test grin

congratulations smile wait and see what he suggests and go with the flow, let him be extravagant on some things you know will be useful but try and curb the enthusiasm for stuff you know will be a waste... enjoy

crazykat Mon 15-Jun-15 15:50:26

Talk to him but if he wants to buy everything new then let him. I was sort of in his position when pregnant with our first and I'd have been really upset if dh had been all 'that will never get used' 'baby has enough clothes' etc. As long as it's his money and not out of your savings then let him go mad. The only thing I'd do is maybe steer him away from ridiculous things like wipes warmers.

If he wants to get a chest of drawers with changer top from mammas and pappas instead of a normal set from ikea so what? As you say it's his pfb and he's bound to want the best for her/him just as you did for your pfb. I'm not saying you feel any different towards this baby than your pfb by the way, I just remember that with my first I bought way too many clothes just because they were cute whereas with my second I was a bit more sensible (only a bit mind) and bought what was needed.

ItsTricky Mon 15-Jun-15 15:53:55

Wipes warmers? I've heard it all now!

ostrichneck Mon 15-Jun-15 16:05:55

I will set on the packet of wet wipes and warm them with my big warm pregnant ass before we buy any such product! Haha.

Thanks for the congrats ecclescakes

The general consensus is good enough for me, let him go nuts on somethings, but keep it under control like somebody should have for me with pfb!

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