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AIBU?

Help - PIL no manners or common sense

64 replies

GoldenBubble87 · 14/06/2015 21:49

I live in a shared house with my DH and two DC. It's shared with DH Great uncle who is in his late 80's , it's rather awkward. We moved in with uncle to keep an eye on him and because the house needs some TLC. (It's a grade 1 listed old heap!) I am at a loss and feel stuck. I love my DH very much but his parents are driving me insane!

The PIL live only a short distance away and MIL visits uncle often but has her own keys. When MIL or FIL visit they let themselves in, they could ring door bell and uncle or myself or DH could let them in but they use their keys then leave door wide open and don't lock it when they leave.

The PIL have no respect for uncle or us. I have asked DH to speak with his parents but he can't see the problem. I don't like the fact that I never know who's in the house! So many people have keys! PIL, Uncles cleaner, various other relatives, also a string of random careers have also had access to the house when uncle had a knee operation and needed help whilst recovering.

Also great uncle lets anyone in and sends them through to our part of the house without knowing who they are! I have tried to explain that they need to come round to our front door or make them sit on the door step. No great uncle invites them in to sit on sofa whilst comes to find us! So unsafe!

I have fitted a lock and alarm to our dinning room that leads to kitchen
So I know if someone comes in via the back of the house. I don't feel safe and I don't feel it's safe for the children either.

Please any advise would be marvellous.

OP posts:

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Gumps · 14/06/2015 21:54

Move out?

Fatmomma99 · 14/06/2015 21:56

change all the locks?

IUseAnyName · 14/06/2015 21:56

Can you change the locks and also have an internal locked door to seperate your part of the house from guncles?

EyesCrossedLegsAkimbo · 14/06/2015 21:57

I'd change the locks and put bolts on the door.

I don't understand why you moved in with your husbands GU, you say to keep am eye on him, but he's letting loads of people in without your consent?

Denimwithdenim00 · 14/06/2015 21:58

Can you divide the house inside to his areas and yours and then put lockable doors to cordon off your area?

This sounds awful op.

NRomanoff · 14/06/2015 22:01

Can they change the locks if they don't own the house?

ohdear27 · 14/06/2015 22:01

Why exactly have you moved in with him? Seems like an odd arrangement. did you own your own house before? Did he ask you to move in?

I could be reading this completely wrong but is it a case of you will inherit the house so have move in ahead of this?

GoldenBubble87 · 14/06/2015 22:04

We can't move out currently, as financially we are unable to.
We can't split the house due to the layout.
I've but a bolt on one internal door which did cause upset to MIL as she couldn't just walk in!
I've enen tried putting up new door bell as a hint but to no avail!

OP posts:

PtolemysNeedle · 14/06/2015 22:06

I think f you move in with someone who already has well established habits, you can't expect to turn up and change everything to suit yourself. Presumably it's the uncles house and he can invite in who he likes and give keys to who he likes.

Move out and add yourself to the list of people that goes round to check he's ok.

NRomanoff · 14/06/2015 22:07

But if it's not your house, it's not up to you. How does the uncle feel about it?

EyesCrossedLegsAkimbo · 14/06/2015 22:07

Why hint? Tell them they make you uncomfortable by marching in.

I guess as you cannot afford to move it makes you beholden to them, does your GU in law have children of his own?

ActiviaYoghurt · 14/06/2015 22:10

What was your motivation for moving into this unusual senario?

GoldenBubble87 · 14/06/2015 22:15

FIL parents owend the house , he lived there as a boy. The house is Owens by the family, the uncle moved in when he was kicked out of his rental.
There are reasons for us to be in the house due to inheritance tax.
GUncle has no children.
PIL do not like or help much with Guncles needs

OP posts:

EyesCrossedLegsAkimbo · 14/06/2015 22:18

So you have to sacrifice your privacy (and possibly marriage) due to inheritance tax?

Move. Now.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 14/06/2015 22:20

I would get some proper advice on the inheritance tax thing. You may be going through all that for nothing. I don't know enough about it though. I think you may need a prioper paper trail of rent payments or handing over of deeds etc. If rent is changing hands tou shoudl have rights to 'quiet enjoyment' of property - difficult if LL is your ILs though!

Get legal advice on the financial implicatiosn

GoldenBubble87 · 14/06/2015 22:21

In reply:- our motivation was DH family, we lived in a lovely cottage 2bed but as owned by his family they wanted to rent it out to make more money! They said we could move in with great uncle to keep an eye on him and have more room. I wasn't keen but I didn't have much choice or say in the matter.

OP posts:

ohdear27 · 14/06/2015 22:23

Well your privacy is the price your going to have to pay for inheritance tax savings. You cannot really dictate the rules when there is long established habits and you dont own the house.

EyesCrossedLegsAkimbo · 14/06/2015 22:29

If GU house isn't in your name (and he lives 7 years after the transfer) then there is no inheritance tax advantage.

I think you are being played.

GoldenBubble87 · 14/06/2015 22:31

Ohdear27, I understand that habits are well established. I feel so sad and lonely by the fact I can't change any of it. I feel insecure and want to move out I don't lie bring in this house. I've tried to discuss moving out with DH but he can't understand or see what the problem is! I said it's like living in a hotel with people in and out that you don't know who's in or out of the house at anyone time. ??

OP posts:

EyesCrossedLegsAkimbo · 14/06/2015 22:35

So is the house in your/DH name?

GoldenBubble87 · 14/06/2015 22:37

The house is in several people's names of FIL family, apparently . I don't know how this works but I feeling trapped in s situation I want out of

OP posts:

EyesCrossedLegsAkimbo · 14/06/2015 22:43

I think you have a husband problem. He think's it ok? yeah, he loves his Mummy.

Google inheritance tax. I'm in the UK and our laws maybe different than yours. Here you living with GU makes you a care giver (and you will be awarded benefits) but no inheritance tax benefit, with the house not in your name.

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karbonfootprint · 14/06/2015 22:45

It sounds like you need to sort yourself out with your own accommodation. Free accommodation from your family is always going to cost something in freedom and privacy. If you pay for it yourself, you will have a lot more control.

GoldenBubble87 · 14/06/2015 22:47

I'm a SAHM I don't have an income currently

OP posts:

GoldenBubble87 · 14/06/2015 22:48

Yes your right there

OP posts:

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