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To think this is not amazing parenting

(143 Posts)
Notsureatall12 Sun 14-Jun-15 17:11:19

I have a relative who lives the other end of the country.
She has a 4 year old DD. She is a single parent, stays at home with her. She does not go to nursery or attend any groups or social functions at all. Wider family all live down south and dad not on scene. Family member has few friends, none with children.

Whilst they have an amazing bond, the child never socialises or learns how to interact with other children or knows how to follow the routine that will be expected of her in school.

She always says that this is an idyllic way to bring up DD. Whilst I can definitely see that they must have a lovely time together I can't help but feel that a child needs that additional stimulation, and a break from eachother?
Obviously, it's none of my business really, we're not very close, see eachother weddings and funerals and on Facebook. Also, obviously she is a good parent but what if she wasn't? She lives in a deprived high population area so sees no health visitor, there would be nobody to pick up on any concerns.


MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig Sun 14-Jun-15 17:13:32

She's going to have an awful shock when she starts school.

Wideopenspace Sun 14-Jun-15 17:15:26

To be fair, her child might socialise more than you think, if you're not that close, it would be unlikely she would run through every single thing she has done with her child...

EatShitDerek Sun 14-Jun-15 17:16:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrankSangriaInThePark Sun 14-Jun-15 17:17:42

Yes, YABU.
I would rather have stuck needles in my eyes than participate in all that mummy and baby group shite.
The kid will be going to school soon so you'll no doubt have lots more to judge your cousin on, won't you? hmm

NinkyNonkers Sun 14-Jun-15 17:18:34

How do you know she never goes out? We rarely went to groups or anything else, never did preschool but kids just potter around with me.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie Sun 14-Jun-15 17:18:41

Sounds fine to me. When the child starts school she will learn how to handle the social stuff.

CheekyNandos Sun 14-Jun-15 17:19:28

No, you're not necessarily BU. However, when her DD starts school her life is very likely to change dramatically, I think and her horizons are going to be broader. That said, I can understand your concern because from what you've described if your relative is posessive with her daughter, that's likely to be a miserable upbringing for the little girl. Then again, with her DD going to school, things may well change for the better naturally.

Pipbin Sun 14-Jun-15 17:19:38

How do you know this: She does not go to nursery or attend any groups or social functions at all, if they only contact you have with her is this: we're not very close, see eachother weddings and funerals and on Facebook.
I agree that play group etc are invaluable in learning how to behave socially though.

Notsureatall12 Sun 14-Jun-15 17:19:38

She's very open about it. DD doesn't have parties because she doesn't know any children. When I had my Dc and moaned about baby group she said reiterated that that is why she never went to any. She's very open about not having any friends with children as she feels it is part of attachment parenting just having the two of them with easy little outside influence as possible. She was thinking about homeschooling but she is starting school in seltempber.

CheekyNandos Sun 14-Jun-15 17:20:51

I totally agree with you, Wideopenspace

Notsureatall12 Sun 14-Jun-15 17:22:39

I'm sorry if it comes across as me judging. I'm actually not trying to judge, more pondering. Maybe that is the idyllic, best way to bring up your child? I've always sort of struggled with motherhood and not been massively maternal so it feels very abnormal to me, but I know that lots and lots of mothers would not want to go to work as much as I do and my set up us definitely not considered ideal (have to work ft as single parent. And I like work!)

EatShitDerek Sun 14-Jun-15 17:22:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NinkyNonkers Sun 14-Jun-15 17:23:52

At that age it wouldn't concern me. I hated baby groups so didn't do them. Had very few friends with kids for the first few years nor family nearby. Kids didn't have parties till school really which is pretty standard, she's only 4! There is a lot to be said for minimising outside influence when little tbh.

It isn't attachment parenting either.

Notsureatall12 Sun 14-Jun-15 17:25:00

I'm not saying that is attachment parent. That is her view.

Notsureatall12 Sun 14-Jun-15 17:25:25


Sorry for awful typos!

Branleuse Sun 14-Jun-15 17:25:53

i dont see the issue. Shes 4, not 14

LashesandLipstick Sun 14-Jun-15 17:26:59

Sounds fine. Not everyone likes the mummy clique shite, that doesn't make you a bad mother

Floggingmolly Sun 14-Jun-15 17:27:28

There is a lot to be said for minimising outside influence when little
Is there really?? To what purpose? hmm. Source?

AnyoneForTennis Sun 14-Jun-15 17:27:55

No it's not 'abnormal' at all

Back in the 70's when I was small there wasn't much for kids..... Non of these poncy music groups/swimming classes/soft play etc.... Don't think we had much of a play school type thing either. I hated all that stuff when mine were small. Little groups of competitive judgey mums.....

Wideopenspace Sun 14-Jun-15 17:28:06

I think, OP there are many ways to bring up children. Assuming there are no physical or emotional safeguarding issues, what works best for each family often is what is best.

Ionone Sun 14-Jun-15 17:28:11

DD didn't really know any other children until she went to school. She didn't actually like the ones she came across that much. We didn't do mother and baby groups as I preferred to be at home with DD doing stuff we actually liked doing (cooking, reading, crafty things etc). DD now 8 and has a wide circle of friends with a few close ones. You cannot tell the difference between the ones who went to every group going and the ones who went to none. YABU.

AnyoneForTennis Sun 14-Jun-15 17:29:02

You say it's not 'amazing parenting'..... What is then?

lagirafe Sun 14-Jun-15 17:29:38

It's a shame she isn't going to the free nursery sessions as all mine have loved them and I think kids generally do.
BUT it's not the end of the world and she will be going to school in September. It may take some time to get used to but many primary schools (particularly large ones) integrate the children quite slowly anyway ie. one week mornings, one week after lunch etc etc.
I always think this a bit of a faff considering most kids will have been in full time childcare for some time by this age but hey ho!!!

NickiFury Sun 14-Jun-15 17:30:34

Oh mind your own business.

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