To think this is not amazing parenting

[Notsureatall12]

I have a relative who lives the other end of the country.
She has a 4 year old DD. She is a single parent, stays at home with her. She does not go to nursery or attend any groups or social functions at all. Wider family all live down south and dad not on scene. Family member has few friends, none with children.

Whilst they have an amazing bond, the child never socialises or learns how to interact with other children or knows how to follow the routine that will be expected of her in school.

She always says that this is an idyllic way to bring up DD. Whilst I can definitely see that they must have a lovely time together I can't help but feel that a child needs that additional stimulation, and a break from eachother?
Obviously, it's none of my business really, we're not very close, see eachother weddings and funerals and on Facebook. Also, obviously she is a good parent but what if she wasn't? She lives in a deprived high population area so sees no health visitor, there would be nobody to pick up on any concerns.

AIBU?

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

She's going to have an awful shock when she starts school.

[Wideopenspace]

To be fair, her child might socialise more than you think, if you're not that close, it would be unlikely she would run through every single thing she has done with her child...

[DrankSangriaInThePark]

Yes, YABU.
I would rather have stuck needles in my eyes than participate in all that mummy and baby group shite.
The kid will be going to school soon so you'll no doubt have lots more to judge your cousin on, won't you?

[NinkyNonkers]

How do you know she never goes out? We rarely went to groups or anything else, never did preschool but kids just potter around with me.

[PourquoiTuGachesTaVie]

Sounds fine to me. When the child starts school she will learn how to handle the social stuff.

[CheekyNandos]

No, you're not necessarily BU. However, when her DD starts school her life is very likely to change dramatically, I think and her horizons are going to be broader. That said, I can understand your concern because from what you've described if your relative is posessive with her daughter, that's likely to be a miserable upbringing for the little girl. Then again, with her DD going to school, things may well change for the better naturally.

[Pipbin]

How do you know this: She does not go to nursery or attend any groups or social functions at all, if they only contact you have with her is this: we're not very close, see eachother weddings and funerals and on Facebook.
I agree that play group etc are invaluable in learning how to behave socially though.

[Notsureatall12]

She's very open about it. DD doesn't have parties because she doesn't know any children. When I had my Dc and moaned about baby group she said reiterated that that is why she never went to any. She's very open about not having any friends with children as she feels it is part of attachment parenting just having the two of them with easy little outside influence as possible. She was thinking about homeschooling but she is starting school in seltempber.

[CheekyNandos]

I totally agree with you, Wideopenspace

[Notsureatall12]

I'm sorry if it comes across as me judging. I'm actually not trying to judge, more pondering. Maybe that is the idyllic, best way to bring up your child? I've always sort of struggled with motherhood and not been massively maternal so it feels very abnormal to me, but I know that lots and lots of mothers would not want to go to work as much as I do and my set up us definitely not considered ideal (have to work ft as single parent. And I like work!)

[NinkyNonkers]

At that age it wouldn't concern me. I hated baby groups so didn't do them. Had very few friends with kids for the first few years nor family nearby. Kids didn't have parties till school really which is pretty standard, she's only 4! There is a lot to be said for minimising outside influence when little tbh.

It isn't attachment parenting either.

[Notsureatall12]

I'm not saying that is attachment parent. That is her view.

[Notsureatall12]

*parenting.

Sorry for awful typos!

[Branleuse]

i dont see the issue. Shes 4, not 14

[LashesandLipstick]

Sounds fine. Not everyone likes the mummy clique shite, that doesn't make you a bad mother

[Floggingmolly]

There is a lot to be said for minimising outside influence when little
Is there really?? To what purpose? . Source?

[AnyoneForTennis]

No it's not 'abnormal' at all

Back in the 70's when I was small there wasn't much for kids..... Non of these poncy music groups/swimming classes/soft play etc.... Don't think we had much of a play school type thing either. I hated all that stuff when mine were small. Little groups of competitive judgey mums.....

[Wideopenspace]

I think, OP there are many ways to bring up children. Assuming there are no physical or emotional safeguarding issues, what works best for each family often is what is best.

[Ionone]

DD didn't really know any other children until she went to school. She didn't actually like the ones she came across that much. We didn't do mother and baby groups as I preferred to be at home with DD doing stuff we actually liked doing (cooking, reading, crafty things etc). DD now 8 and has a wide circle of friends with a few close ones. You cannot tell the difference between the ones who went to every group going and the ones who went to none. YABU.

[AnyoneForTennis]

You say it's not 'amazing parenting'..... What is then?

[lagirafe]

It's a shame she isn't going to the free nursery sessions as all mine have loved them and I think kids generally do.
BUT it's not the end of the world and she will be going to school in September. It may take some time to get used to but many primary schools (particularly large ones) integrate the children quite slowly anyway ie. one week mornings, one week after lunch etc etc.
I always think this a bit of a faff considering most kids will have been in full time childcare for some time by this age but hey ho!!!

[NickiFury]

Oh mind your own business.

[Notsureatall12]

amazing
What I meant by that was, she feels it is absolutely the best way to parent. Outside influences are not good (bordering on to be feared), attachment parenting means (in her view) just the two of them together, doing everything together, cosleeping, no time apart, with no outside influence at all. She thinks that is amazing, idyllic parenting adpnd way of life. I don't think it is amazing, for reasons documented above.