To be so worried about my ds lack of friends(13 Posts)
Ds is 7 and in yr2. He does not have any best friends. He seems to play with most of the boys in his class at various times but doesn't really click with any of them. He flits from game to game. There was a boy who he seemed to be getting on really well with and we have had him round several times but last week this boy invited another boy to his house and overlooked ds. I was more upset than ds. Ds doesn't really seem that bothered and he is close to his cousins and we see some of my friends children in the school holidays who he plays with well. I just worry he is going to miss out on doing things with his friends but I suppose he has cousins and sibling to do things like bowling, cinema with. Aibu to feel very anxious for him.
This is very easy for me to say, sitting in my house and having no part in your life, but please try not to worry. And def do all you can to keep the anxiety from your DS.
I work in schools, and mostly the boys play football. Does your son not play?
Keep inviting ch back that your DS says he likes. And also suggest you try and bond with parents on the playground if you can - that'll help.
All the best, and really try not to worry.
My DS1 doesn't have a best friend but just generally joins in with games at school and has other children to play with.
Ds2 has 3-4 very close friends.
They are all different. YABU to let this bother you.
Just to set your mind at ease...My DS youngest has been invited to many other children's houses but due to circumstances we weren't able to return the invitations. Now we are and we're working through them but there's a few to get through. As a working parent, I often have an understanding with other working parents and the children invited aren't always my children's best friends - it could be a favour to a parent. Don't feel that your son has necessarily been excluded - it'll probably be his turn soon. And the other boy has been coming to your house so obviously likes your son.
I understand that you're feeling worried, but I think you may be reading too much into the friend inviting another boy to his house and 'overlooking' your DS. Personally I think it's good to have a group of friends rather than one best friend, so if I was the friend's mum I'd be encouraging him to invite more than one child to play. It doesn't mean he's not friends with your DS too.
Mine doesn't play football so often finds himself overlooked as well - we are moving schools at the end of the year. I'm hoping this will help.
I was like this as a child, as was my mum. Not all kids need a best friend. I wouldn't be concerned unless your son mentions he's unhappy about it. Some kids like being by themselves as well - I used to love drawing and reading rather than playing with other kids
I could have written your post about two years ago, OP. My DS doesn't like football, and loves nothing more than nattering about sciency stuff, Minecraft, reading, chess, etc. He was quite sad that he didn't have a lot in common with some of the boys in his class but did like school. He just wanted 'just one friend' which broke my heart!
Fast forward two years and he has one very good best friend and a couple of other good friends that he plays with both at school and outside school. In the end one of the other mums approached me and invited him round as her son was having similar issues and she'd noticed my son was into similar pursuits, games etc.
Try not to worry too much, many boys are the same in Y2/3 but they seem to find kindred spirits in time.
Been there worn the t-shirt out. My DS used to join everything got on well with everyone was part of the whole class not overlooked but never formed any friendships. He's happy doesn't go out much but when I see/hear what some get involved in I worry less. He has a few friends now who are like him ie don't seem to need tight friendships. I stiill would love him to have a close friends group but it doesn't bother him and his small group. They don't seem bothered about meeting up and going places, but do chat online but never chat about anything personal eg school, exam revision etc. they all seem level headed, independent and happy.
I really wouldn't worry as long as he gets on with other kids generally. My DS has never been especially sociable - he had friends at primary school but not close friends. He's in Y8 now and finally has a "best friend" who is round our house all the time but they are not close in the same way that girls are at the same age.
I wouldn't feel anxious just yet.
My Ds1 is the same as yours - 7, in year 2, told me he doesn't have a best friend at school, but he's ok with that. He plays with different boys and girls, gets on with pretty much everyone, does various activities, goes to parties etc. and seems happy.
He sort of does have a best friend, but that boy is the year below him and in a different school, so I'm not sure how long that is going to last, tbh. Mind you, he goes to that particular boy's house more than any other, probably because said boy is an only child, and his mum (who is also a friend of mine) likes to have Ds1 over to play with him, because it keeps her DS busy and stops him hanging round her knees all the time! but they are still good friends and they love playing together.
In some ways I think it's better that they don't have exclusive best friends at this age - gives the more scope.
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