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to think about leaving (for a while) DH/job once youngest DC goes to uni?

(5 Posts)
Isabelle24 Sun 14-Jun-15 13:23:40

Been with DH for 25 years. Youngest DC off to uni in a few months. DH is complicated. Hard working but disorganised. Utterly hopeless at finances which are quite often precarious (though we both work - modest incomes). Caring towards me a lot of the time but can be very off-hand. In his not so private diary that he keeps (leaves it around/suggests I look up the occasional detail if we're trying to remember eg a date), he writes about me very casually - short, quite critical remarks on the odd page.

He seems generally to be really weary with his lot. Angry with his late mum; angry about former g-fs; angry that he's not doing what he really wants to do (probably left it too late by now) and seems pissed off much of the time.

DH really has no friends. Resists opportunities to make them. He can be dismissive/rude if he meets someone he doesn't instantly like.

He has recurring nightmares about aspects of his past (particularly around his mum) but won't talk, won't get help. Just broods the next day.

AIBU to think seriously about a change of atmosphere and scene come September? I'm not happy at work but would hang on in there if life at home was more cheerful and hopeful. I long for a life. I have a few friends from a couple of 'worthy' causes I'm involved in but the people are mostly retired and we don't really have all that much in common.

Thinking of a breather - a change of scene for a few months at least - maybe I'll laugh again, chat again, value myself once again. And maybe DH will finally make some of his own friends, get the help that I think he needs to unravel things and learn not to let his past impinge so much on relationships with people (like me) who aren't even remotely responsible for it.

I'll always be around for my much loved DCs and will do everything I can, wherever I am, to help bring about the kind of home that we all - me,DH. DCs - deserve to live in. But presently feel trapped - and powerless to effect the change that's clearly needed.

rockofages Sun 14-Jun-15 15:02:02

Any chance you could both go and have a gap year or gap few months together? Maybe a trip/change of scene either home or abroad would bring you closer together again.

Fatmomma99 Sun 14-Jun-15 15:58:06

sounds like a conversation you need to have with your DH?

good luck flowers

spad Mon 15-Jun-15 09:47:38

You need an adventure together! Might bring out the best in you both, and give him a reason for thinking of something other than the chip on his shoulder.

saoirse31 Mon 15-Jun-15 09:52:59

disagree with other posters. think you need space on your own, badly. Do it!

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