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To think that 31 is too old to come home so drunk...

(89 Posts)
13namechanger Sat 13-Jun-15 21:44:50

Dboyfriend (been together nearly a year) is 31 years old.
He goes out once a week with mates and gets absolutely bladdered. I hate this. He also drinks most nights although not drunk.
We don't live together, although he stays at my house most nights and has a key.
Tonight, he called me when he was out to say that he would be coming back after 1 more drink. It was obvious he was shitfaced so I told him not to come round. I have a toddler asleep upstairs and I don't want him in my house in that state.

He comes round anyway, let's himself in. He's literally paralytic, unable to stand etc. I told him to go to bed. He comes down after an hour covered in sick. I've just had to strip him, shower him, change the bed and bleach the bedroom wall as he threw up on it. He just can't control himself. Can't just go and have a nice time, has to drink to a ridiculous degree.
I'm beyond livid.
He's a grown up! A fucking grown up. I already have one baby, I don't need two.
WIBU to say stop drinking or we're done??

MikeEhrmentraut Sat 13-Jun-15 21:47:46

31 is not too old for this, and if he chooses to get in this state , then that is perfectly up to him.

However, if this is unacceptable to you, then I think that you should be saying to him that this is a dealbreaker, and if he wants to get in those states, do it when he isn't coming home to you and a toddler.

PleaseGetOffTheTableDarling Sat 13-Jun-15 21:47:52

YANBU. At the very least get your key back until he can be civilised!

Sconejamcream Sat 13-Jun-15 21:48:03

I would not tolerate this from my dh let alone a boyfriend. Ditch him, he sounds like a complete loser. Nice role model for your dc too.

SurlyCue Sat 13-Jun-15 21:48:34

You know the answer to this.

Spog Sat 13-Jun-15 21:48:53

to hell with the 'stop drinking'.
instead - dump this manchild alcoholic.
seriously.
he will never, ever change.
been there done that.
ditch him immediately.
he is an alcoholic. and they're more trouble then they're worth.

sherbetlemonD Sat 13-Jun-15 21:48:55

Every week?! YANBU unreasonable AT ALL. Getting shitfaced once in a blue moon is fine- but every week at his age?! He needs to grow up and you need to question if that is the sort of male role model you want in your DCs life.

Yarp Sat 13-Jun-15 21:49:41

No, you would not be unreasonable. It's not healthy or responsible behaviour. And you have a child to think of

BikeRunSki Sat 13-Jun-15 21:49:54

You wouldn't be unreasonable at all.

I think I have only got like that once since I was about 25.

susiedaisy Sat 13-Jun-15 21:50:07

Yanbu I would really think about the long term prospects of staying with someone like this.

ImSoCoolNow Sat 13-Jun-15 21:50:09

YANBU

You don't have only yourself to think about in your relationship, you have your DC. He obviously needs to grow up. If he's not willing to be responsible then he shouldn't be around your child. I don't think there's anything wrong with going out now and again to a pub or club but every week is a bit much and drinking every night of the week is excessive.

If it were me, I'd be giving the ultimatum. Not just for you but for your DC

FernGullysWoollyPully Sat 13-Jun-15 21:50:26

YWNBU to leave him on the roadside if you ask me.

saintlyjimjams Sat 13-Jun-15 21:50:27

Oh yuck. Either ditch him or bolt him out when in that state. He's an adult so his choice, but he's certainly old enough for you to choose not to put up with it.

13namechanger Sat 13-Jun-15 21:50:47

I know I know. He's the total opposite during the day. A teacher, great with DS, total refreshing change from ex. So kind, gentle, can't do enough for us. But I hate this. Really hate it.

BikeRunSki Sat 13-Jun-15 21:51:14

Is your baby his?

saintlyjimjams Sat 13-Jun-15 21:51:39

I think you have to somehow get through to him that he must not come to your house in that state. Have you thrown him out now?

Lunastarfish Sat 13-Jun-15 21:52:30

I'm lying in bed now having just text my (also 31) DP to not drink too much tonight (he's at a friends bday) as I'm 35 weeks pregnant and I don't want to be woken up when he comes back (& end up on the sofa like last weekend following another bday bash). However, He seems to be a saint compared to your DP!

YANBU!!

13namechanger Sat 13-Jun-15 21:52:52

No he is not DSs dad.

He's upstairs asleep now.
Tomorrow the ultimatum will come.

Degustibusnonestdisputandem Sat 13-Jun-15 21:54:19

Oh dear. The only people I tolerate late night voms from are my children confused

saintlyjimjams Sat 13-Jun-15 21:54:49

Can you chuck him out now? I'd be so livid I don't think I could bare his vommy snoring in my house all night.

paxtecum Sat 13-Jun-15 21:55:44

Just dump him.
There is no future with him.

Get your key back in the morning and chuck him out.

You know cleaning vomit up after a sick child isn't pleasant, but you should never have to clean up after some piss artist. That is grim.

13namechanger Sat 13-Jun-15 21:56:35

More trouble than it's worth to kick him out. At least he's clean and sleeping it off now.

Athenaviolet Sat 13-Jun-15 21:57:27

Getting drunk on occasion is one thing.

However he sounds as if he has problematic alcohol misuse.

I think you need to end it.

Alcoholic dp + you have a toddler = not good

HesterShaw Sat 13-Jun-15 21:57:31

He sounds like an alcoholic.

Tell him to stop or be on his way. Alternatively just finish it now. And get your key off him.

CurlyhairedAssassin Sat 13-Jun-15 21:58:02

Urgh, I couldn't respect someone who did that regularly. No matter how nice he was "during the day" (you make him sound like a vampire)

Someone of that age who gets in that state by accident and is mortified and embarrassed afterwards - I could forgive that. But a regular occurrence - apart from anything else, think of the money he is pissing and vomiting up the wall!

Under no circumstances let this loser move in with you. He has a MAJOR problem - you have a toddler to look after, you don't want a 31year old man child as well.

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