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To be hurt by DH's comment

(75 Posts)
Wearit Sat 13-Jun-15 14:00:29

Hi all, things have been a little rocky lately and we both want different things out of life. When we were having a discussion, I said to DH I didn't feel he respected me. He response was, 'well do something to bring in more money - DO SOMETHING!' I was hurt as he did not try to reassure me otherwise, and also I work part time and take care of DD on my days off. I make DH breakfast in bed every day, do most of the cooking and cleaning, and do the lion's share of caring for DS, even when DH is around. For record, we do not have financial pressure.

I feel Dh does not value any contribution or my companionship, I feel I am not enough for him. AIBU to leave him for this comment? Thanks

Merguez Sat 13-Jun-15 14:01:43

Why do you make him breakfast in bed every day?

Wearit Sat 13-Jun-15 14:02:53

Because I am up first and thought it was a nice thing to do

NowSissyThatWalk Sat 13-Jun-15 14:04:12

What the hell?? No of course YANBU.
Like looking after a kid and working PT is sponging.
That's a dickhead thing to say.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing Sat 13-Jun-15 14:05:42

I've been sahm, pt & ft. DH is currently pt to enable him to do something he's always wanted to. The balance of who earns what and who does what around the home has shifted through our relationship. We've always been a team though and valued the other's contribution. How can a relationship work otherwise?

Spog Sat 13-Jun-15 14:06:52

he can get his own cunting breakfast for starters.
yes, it sounds like he doesn't value you.
that's his fault, not yours.
i think you both need to do some more talking and figure out where you're marriage is headed.

googoodolly Sat 13-Jun-15 14:07:41

YANBU at all to be upset - it sounds like he takes you for granted.

When you say you want different things from life, what do you mean? What do you both want and is there no room for compromise?

Wearit Sat 13-Jun-15 14:08:43

He wants to move abroad

gamerchick Sat 13-Jun-15 14:09:11

Then it's time to stop doing stuff for him if he has contempt for you.

Time for a come to Jesus meeting and get to the bottom of why he thinks more money needs to come into the house and if you do take on more paid work what is going to be handed over to him in the house.

BertPuttocks Sat 13-Jun-15 14:10:45

I think he's set himself up in a lord-and-master role, with his breakfast in bed every morning and the wife doing the housework and childcare. He sees you as little more than the hired help.


Spog Sat 13-Jun-15 14:11:00

where to, OP?

TheOriginalWinkly Sat 13-Jun-15 14:12:55

Do NOT move abroad with him, if he continues treating you like crap there he will have you trapped because you won't be allowed to take your daughter home without his consent from most countries.

Nothing stopping him going alone, except of course he'd have to cook his own breakfast...

Wearit Sat 13-Jun-15 14:13:09

Don't want to say, will out myself

googoodolly Sat 13-Jun-15 14:14:32

Did you discuss this before you had children? I know it's easy to say from the outside, but surely he realises he can't just uproot his kids and bugger off abroad?

If he moves abroad, presumably you'd stay here and he'll rarely see his kids. That's his choice, though - if he wants to leave and go abroad, tell him he can, but his family won't be coming with him.

gamerchick Sat 13-Jun-15 14:14:39

have you posted about him before?

Wearit Sat 13-Jun-15 14:17:50

He went on a campaign to move abroad when DS was born. After we married. However, he says he was always clear about wanting to go abroad before we married.

pilates Sat 13-Jun-15 14:17:52

YANBU and your husband is an unappreciative wanker.

Stop making him breakfast in bed.

googoodolly Sat 13-Jun-15 14:29:22

He doesn't sound like he's thought this through, tbh, and he sounds incredibly selfish.

He has children and a wife here, yet he wants to uproot everything regardless and bugger off abroad on his own whims? Maybe he shouldn't have gotten married and had a family here if he didn't want to stay here?

DragonWithAGirlTattoo Sat 13-Jun-15 14:40:16

YWBU to leave him over a comment - however "things have been a little rocky lately and we both want different things out of life. " this is more relevant

maybe it is time to go your own ways, he could go abroad, would he go without the kids/you?

lagirafe Sat 13-Jun-15 14:44:34

Whatever you do, do not move abroad with him.
I speak from experience.
Do not do it.

SanityClause Sat 13-Jun-15 14:47:02

Okay, I think you may have posted at length about him before, and you had arranged a visit to the place he wants to move to.

If you are that poster, there's not much more to be said than has already been said on your previous threads. Please re-read them, and start believing some of the posts. Is this really what you want for your son?

AlpacaMyBags Sat 13-Jun-15 14:47:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PattiODoors Sat 13-Jun-15 15:54:09

Agree with Sanity.

Wearit Sat 13-Jun-15 16:12:51

I am not going anywhere abroad. DH says he does not want to separate but then he makes hurtful comments like this and I don't think we can move forward together.

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable Sat 13-Jun-15 16:20:37

I feel Dh does not value any contribution or my companionship, I feel I am not enough for him. AIBU to leave him for this comment?

In answer to your question:

1) YWBU to leave him for this comment.

2) YWNBU to leave him for failing to value your contribution and companionship.

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