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to not know how to handle a kids party situation.

(117 Posts)
ohdear27 Sat 13-Jun-15 13:38:00

DD will be six next week and she really wanted a party. She has not had a 'proper' party before. So hall and entertainer booked. Her school was off for 2 weeks for whit so the invitations were only sent out when she got back with just over a weeks notice. We invited all her year 1 class.

I have now had a number of 'rsvps'. Boys replying yes and all the girls that have replied so far saying 'no'. One mum replied that it was her daughter's (X)birthday on the day of the party so they had things planned. Then I have just had another decline that makes things seems a little clearer - it stated that her daughter couldn't come the party as she had already accepted an invitation for the same day and time. Now it did not say whose party it was but it would seem likely it is X'x.

So what do i do on several levels:
1. About why my lovely and gregarious daughter that is clearly so unpopular that she is the only girl in the class not invited to X's party. My daughter likes X and talks about her as if they are friends. This is not the first time that she has not been invited to things, I once witnessed the teacher giving out invitations as the children left school to a different girls party (again a girl DD likes) and my DD was not being given one. She was not the only one at the time - but it struck me as rather cruel which is why I made a point of inviting the whole class. Why is she unpopular? I feel devastated about this.

2. The next thing is the party itself - she cant have a party with 13 boys and her as the only girl. She is a girly not - not a tome boy. So do I cancel it? - she will be devastated. maybe rearrange it? but as the invitations have already gone out that would involve me having to inform parents that it was now rearranged and could get messy.

Are just do not know how to handle this situation at all. I should point out that I rarely pick up or drop off at school as I work 4 days a week so I cant imagine this could be related to anything I have done or said. I do find the parents at the school gates quite cliquey so I just keep to myself.

I cant believe how upset I feel about this and how unsure what to do. The party is suppose to be this time next week so we need a fast plan!!

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 Sat 13-Jun-15 13:44:13

You don't know that she is the only girl that isn't invited to X's party. It isn't cruel not to invite your kid, nobody has to invite anyone. Quite often friends are made amongst children because their mothers are friends and they see a lot of each other. You purposefully avoid the other parents so they don't know you or your child, so are less likely to invite her/you to things. Thats natural.
You're projecting an awful lot and over-reacting.

As to the party itself, if you think its panning out in a way that your daughter won't enjoy, cancel or reschedule.

MonstersBalls Sat 13-Jun-15 13:46:14

I would find out what time the other party is and if it's at a different time I would ask the other parents if their children could possibly come. Offer to pick them up and drop them off after if necessary.

DontOpenDeadInside Sat 13-Jun-15 13:46:26

You have probably thought of this, but does she not have cousins/out of school friends that could make the numbers up?
If you are in the Sunderland area I know 3 little girls who would love to come ;)

Pippa12 Sat 13-Jun-15 13:51:34

Oh heck- I'd be gutted too at this. My heart sunk when I read this post. Have all the girls replied no? Could it be that maybe 5 or 6 are going and have replied quickly because they know they can't come?

If none of the girls could make it I think I'd be tempted to rearrange date before I'd let my daughter down?

In respects of the future, would it be possible for you to invite a friend/s over for a play at the weekend. May give you a chance to speak to parents and integrate abit more?

The school yard is like a gauntlet, it's as intimadating for mums as it is for the kids! flowers for you- I would struggle with this scenario also xxx

VashtaNerada Sat 13-Jun-15 13:51:55

I would say to her that as its only a week away lots of people have plans and sadly can't come. Ask if she'd prefer a party with the boys who said yes, or to do it another time when more people are free. Don't mention X's party.

Chrysanthemum5 Sat 13-Jun-15 13:53:11

This is clearly upsetting you.

Most teachers will only hand invites out to whole class parties or where it's all the boys or all the girls. Are you sure dd didn't get one and lost it? My DCs have done that.

In terms of your dds party I'd either invite a few girls from outside school or reschedule if you think your dd won't like being just with boys. Check with her what she would like.

It's not that she is unpopular, it's just some parents are not very considerate.

purplemurple1 Sat 13-Jun-15 13:53:35

Id just go ahead with it tbh not all the boys will be rough and tumble. just organise things that get them all playing together so she isn't left out, maybe pass the parcel (sweet in every layer) or musical chairs.

ashtrayheart Sat 13-Jun-15 13:54:06

Oh dear. Although boys and girls are similar at this age I have found at my dd's parties - they all just run around! Agree that asking your dd what she would prefer would be a good idea.

ohdear27 Sat 13-Jun-15 13:54:21

Thanks winter, I do appreciate the feedback and can see that I may be over reacting. I dont know she not the only girl invited but of the 14 others girls in the class I have had 9 declines so far and not one yes from a girl.

I do think it is cruel for invitations to be given out so publicly if only a few children are left out.

Thanks monster. The problem being dont know for certain - I am only putting 2+2 together. i suppose I could text the only mum that gave the reason as another party and ask her is it another child from in the class and is so the times - so i could try to work around it.

Pippa12 Sat 13-Jun-15 13:54:24

I also think it's cruel to invite all but one child. My mum used to say 3 or 4 for small activity or all the girls for a big party (ie: bouncy castle) and I'm in my 30's so not a new concept!

Heels99 Sat 13-Jun-15 13:55:04

Unfortunately a weeks notice is insufficient. I give 4-6 weeks notice and if there is someone who has a birthday the same weekend that I know of, I co-ordinate with the parent of the other child to avoid a party clash. Check with teacher re any other birthdays at same time if not sure.
Re the other girls party, yes it's upsetting not to be invited but you do not know that she is the only girl in class not invited, there is no obligation to invite the whole class or even all the girls.
I would go ahead with the party, add some more girls to the invite list (friends from other classes, friends from out of school activities, neighbours, relatives etc).
In terms of why she isn't invited to things, I think you need to invite people to be invited back. She has never had a party so nobody in her class has been to her party, she isn't making it onto the list of people to invite back. Does she have friends to play, do you host other families from school e.g bbq, tea, whatever. If you keep to yourself and don't have other kids round, you won't get asked to things to be honest.
You have to make an effort to get out there and build relationships. And you need to give much more notice of parties!

NinkyNonkers Sat 13-Jun-15 13:56:03

I would reschedule and 're-invite.

Ineedacleaningfairy Sat 13-Jun-15 13:59:43

Maybe your dd didn't get an invitation because the parents knew the parties would clash.

I would go ahead with your party, I don't think it's a good idea to encourage gender specific friends in small children, your dd may well have great fun with the boys!

BreadmakerFan Sat 13-Jun-15 14:02:31

Why will it get messy rearranging the date?

You have several options

- carry on as is

- change date but run the risk that some yeses now can't come and/or the current nos can't come or don't want too

Remember this for next year. Ignore that the mother has allowed your child to be left out. My son was the only child not invited to a party in a class of ten. I just think the parent is pathetic. She's deluded as to her child's behaviour so not at all bothered that my child didn't want to give him something when it was his birthday. I do all or nothing. DS chose nothing as this child is horrible.

gamerchick Sat 13-Jun-15 14:03:17

I would let the party run as you've planned. It doesn't matter if it's mostly boys as they'll still have a good time anyway.

It'll be fine honestly.

As for the not getting invited it does suck, but it's done now and you can't let chew you up.

Merguez Sat 13-Jun-15 14:04:13

Just re-schedule for a week later, saying not enough people could come.

Other Mums will understand.

Make sure you do something nice with your dd on the day itself.

LashesandLipstick Sat 13-Jun-15 14:05:37

This is why I dislike school mums and their gossipy cliques. OP you are not being unreasonable.

Personally I'd continue with the party and have the boys over, but that's just me

ohdear27 Sat 13-Jun-15 14:06:26

Thanks everyone,

Heels your right - we do tend to keep ourselves to ourselves in terms of the school crowd. No she has never had anyone round to play. she has a brother only 12 months older - so they play together. Plus I work 4 days a week and DH works shifts (dont really want kids round when he is asleep before doing nights) We do have BBqs and people round but these are our friends that, if they do have children they are older. So yes it is probably my fault.

Susieswinger Sat 13-Jun-15 14:07:00

Definitely text the other mum, find out if it's a classmates party, and reschedule if so. Minimum fuss and worry for your daughter, you don't even have to mention X's party is on the same day, just say you're changing it to the Sunday or whenever as more people could come.

ohdear27 Sat 13-Jun-15 14:07:46

I do have a couple of friend's that have girls I could invite.

Griphook Sat 13-Jun-15 14:12:46

This is why I dislike school mums and their gossipy cliques.

How is it school mums fault that op only invited people one week before the party, or that another child happens to be having a party on the same date, is the other mum meant to check with all other parents in the class first.

It's such a patronising comment to make.

The are cliques in every aspect of life.

bostonbaby Sat 13-Jun-15 14:14:59

Don't cancel the party. Does she not Jane cousins, friends at clubs she attends, your friends kids to make the numbers up?

LashesandLipstick Sat 13-Jun-15 14:15:30

Griphook I was referring to the "well if you don't get involved with other parents your daughter won't get invited" attitude

And yes there are that does not make them any less pathetic

Heels99 Sat 13-Jun-15 14:18:06

Yes invite the daughters of your friends and go ahead with the party. It will still be fantastic!

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