to think I'm pushing people away

(3 Posts)
LondonLady29 Sat 13-Jun-15 01:48:48

I think I have mild social anxiety and don't know why I feel/ act the way I do. I would love to know if anyone else feels a similar way, or can identify some of the behaviours. On the surface I suppose people would say I don't have any apparent problems, happy relationship (this is the case and I know I'm lucky here), a loving family (again, true) and a good circle of friends. What concerns me is the way I feel sometimes about my family and friends. I think I'm a bad/negative person. My family are lovely and caring. Before I see them I get anxiety about their expectations of me in terms of emotional support or responses and affection. We were never a touchy feely family. I love them with all my heart but find it hard to express that so sometimes knowing how much they want to see me makes me feel awkward then I feel guilty about that.

Does anyone else say/ think bitchy things about friends behind their backs, even when they are good well-meaning friends, then regret that and feel guilty and feel like you are a bad friend and pushing people away from you? An example, a friend I exercise with wanted to partake in an exercise challenge with me. When she first suggested it I said yes then afterwards talked myself out of it a bit thinking too much training would be involved, I was reluctant to commit to it. Then my friend (in my eyes) was pressuring me into it, mentioning it constantly, and I mean constantly and saying she wouldn't enjoy it if I didn't do it with her. When I snapped at her and then told my partner about it he said I should look at her intentions and even if she was being a big annoying it was just because she wanted to do something with me and now I feel terrible and like I'm pushing away a friend with my negativity and being mean. I then told my friend I would do the challenge (that was this afternoon) and now I've just discovered I have a family wedding that day so can't anyway. So now am flakey as well as snappy. Have messaged my friend to tell her but she's asleep and I know she'll be so disappointed. I feel so awful about this.

Do any of you get irritated by friends and think/ say things in the heat of he moment, or do you always give them the benefit of the doubt?

There was another girl who I've been friends with for years who gets on my nerves because she's always late and always rings and talks endlessly about herself so I've distanced myself. Again not sure if I'm just being mean because I know she's a kind and caring person.

Basically I think I'm a horrible person but can't be sure. If you've got this far you deserve a medal.

FastWindow Sat 13-Jun-15 02:21:17

You should Google narcissism. It's surprisingly usual to think all situations are your fault,/you had a big impact, where actually most of them you are a bystander. It's a big wake up call and it means a big change in the way you see life.

Smellyoulateralligator Sat 13-Jun-15 02:22:58

Hi londonlady. I don't think you're a horrible person. A horrible person wouldn't worry about how others felt.
Some people can be exhausting. The friend you mentioned at the end of your post would grate on me too.

I realised that even though though I used to think I was confident, I wasn't always assertive and ended up going with the flow or agreeing to things that I didn't really want to do.

I do identify with what you've described, mostly when I've been feeling down (and withdrawn).

The times I've felt isolated from my (also) lovely family are the times I've been depressed. Have you always had social anxiety?
I don't know how useful this is but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in having those feelings.

Sorting out my depression and being more assertive have made a huge difference to me. flowers

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