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WIBU to tell this boy off?

(55 Posts)
DunelmDoris Fri 12-Jun-15 20:41:53

So I'm waiting for 7 (nearly 8) yo DS to come out of the boys changing room after his swimming lesson. He's taking ages so I open the door to shout him to hurry up and I can hear them all shrieking and mucking around.

Then I hear DS yell out in pain and start crying. I go in and find one of the other boys had whipped him around the back with his goggles (he has two big weals). When I asked the other boy if he had done it, he said yes but only because DS had thrown the goggles.

I was really cross, so I told the boy here has done something very wrong, even though DS should not have thrown the goggles it wasn't OK to hurt someone, and I made him apologise to DS. I helped DS get dressed then made him apologise to the boy for throwing the goggles. Then I told the boy again that if someone behaves badly towards him he should get an adult, not take it as a reason to hurt someone, and that if it happened again I'd be talking to his mother (who I barely know).

Now I'm worried I overreacted and frightened the other boy. But I'm genuinely crap at confrontation and although I really instinctively needed to defend DS maybe I shouldn't have told the boy off myself, and should have gone to get his mother.

2LittleFishes Fri 12-Jun-15 20:45:46

If I was the mother of the other little boy I'd be perfectly happy with how your handled it. Don't worry about it, you sound like you handled it fine.

monkina Fri 12-Jun-15 20:46:06

I don't think you did anything wrong. In my opinion you reacted appropriately, telling the boy its not OK to hurt others and to say sorry if you do. I wouldn't worry too much about it, these things happen. He will hopefully think twice next time before whipping someone with something!

PandaMummyofOne Fri 12-Jun-15 20:46:23

No I don't think so. If this was my DS I would have expected an adult to tell him off.

I don't think you were harsh. I think you were fair.

BarbarianMum Fri 12-Jun-15 20:49:23

Meh. I don't think you have any business in the boys changing rooms tbh -its not really appropriate for you to barge in their if older boys are getting changed.

As for how you dealt with it, I think you were fine (provided the other lad wasn't bleeding from a massive gash by thrown goggles or anything). Maybe have a stern word with your ds too as he seems at least in part to blame.

BabyMurloc Fri 12-Jun-15 20:49:47

You told off both boys and explained why. I would be perfectly happy if you did this to my son (alongside being mortified he had done something so stupid in the first place)

CamelHump Fri 12-Jun-15 20:51:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MakeItRain Fri 12-Jun-15 20:53:46

I don't think you had much of a choice once you'd heard your son cry out in pain and then start crying. If he left weals on your son he obviously hit him pretty hard. I would be calm if the mum speaks to you and say you were very worried about your son and that you felt unable to walk off and leave him when he was obviously getting hurt in there.

MrsNextDoor Fri 12-Jun-15 20:54:24

I think you were BU as you didn't SEE the incident. Yes you saw a mark on DS back....but you took your child's word...and told someone else off for something you didn't witness.

I wouldn't have done that. I would have spoken to the boy's Mother or Father.

Janethegirl Fri 12-Jun-15 20:57:30

I think what you did was fair and you did explain to the boys what was wrong. I wouldn't have had an issue if it were my Ds.

DunelmDoris Fri 12-Jun-15 21:00:43

Well DS said the boy had whipped him with the goggles, and I could see the marks, but in fact I did ask the boy if he'd done it at which point he immediately said "Yes but DS threw my goggles!", so I was in no doubt that my impression was accurate.

I didn't even think twice about going in to the changing room, but it's a group of 7 and 8 year olds so I don't feel they're too old for me to go in with them.

I just feel worried about whether I should have reprimanded the boy but your posts have reassured me, thank you.

DunelmDoris Fri 12-Jun-15 21:02:35

Oh and I did tell off my own son, obviously - I just quietly asked him to go and apologise while we were in there, as he was still crying, but on the way home I gave him a talking to about his behaviour.

BarbarianMum Fri 12-Jun-15 21:04:23

<<so I don't feel they're too old for me to go in with them.>>

You may not but what do they think? Did you ask their permission, or call your son to come out to you or just assume they'd be OK with it? Changing rooms are gender specific from age 8 for a reason. You need to keep out.

DunelmDoris Fri 12-Jun-15 21:07:13

But they weren't over 8. And my son was hurt, so I really didn't think twice about it, probably wrongly. But there are often parents in and out of the changing rooms when swimming lessons are on, I'm not the only one.

ImSoCoolNow Fri 12-Jun-15 21:08:46

YANBU you handled the situation well

YouTheCat Fri 12-Jun-15 21:10:37

I think you handled that very fairly.

BarbarianMum Fri 12-Jun-15 21:11:29

OK, well if that's the set up I guess it is OK. But my 8 year old son would have been horribly embarrassed and any dad showing up in the girls changing rooms would probably be shouted at and asked to leave.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas Fri 12-Jun-15 21:15:11

Dear lord - changing rooms might be "gender specific from age 8" but aside from that they are STILL children.

OP your reaction sounds appropriate.

MayPolist Fri 12-Jun-15 22:15:04

TWB precious and unreasonable.
It sounds like your DS was being unkind to this lttle boy throwing his goggles about the changing room.Therefore I would suggest if your DS doesn't want to get whacked with other peo[ple's goggles then the solution is in his own hands!!

Nanny0gg Fri 12-Jun-15 22:19:15

TWB precious and unreasonable

What's precious and unreasonable about making both apologise?

DunelmDoris Fri 12-Jun-15 22:24:10

May that sounds like the lines men who hit their wives use - "if you don't like being thumped maybe you should behave yourself". I don't doubt DS was being a little turd, and I did reprimand him for it, but it's never ok to hurt someone on purpose.

fiveacres Fri 12-Jun-15 22:27:48

I think your reaction, from what you posted here, was disproportionately harsh on the boy who hit your DS. I would not be impressed if someone tore strips off my DS whilst practically ignoring the behaviour that instigated it. I also have to say I dislike two little boys mucking about and being stupid being compared to victims of domestic violence. That said - you weren't being unreasonable to tell him off. I just feel the 'dressing down' should have been aimed at both boys.

MrsNextDoor Fri 12-Jun-15 22:30:57

OP and taking someone else's things and misusing them is very mean too. It's a really underhand way of upsetting another child. My DD had something taken from her recently and the child ran off with it. So annoying! Not that I'd tell her to hit....but I can understand the child lashing out...I would not have got him to say sorry though...making someone say sorry means nothing really.

MayPolist Fri 12-Jun-15 22:32:01

Doris They are 7 not adult men!
Why was your DS bullying this kid?t

DunelmDoris Fri 12-Jun-15 22:42:10

Well I guess maybe I was wrong. DS was really sobbing and it looked genuinely painful, so I did comfort him first rather than tell him off instantly. He can be dramatic and I don't generally take him on as a result, but this seemed different.

I did, once he'd calmed down, tell him he'd also behaved badly and I told both of them I thought they should apologise because although it doesn't fix anything I do think it's important that they offer some sort of acknowledgement when they've wronged someone.

How would you suggest I should have dealt with it?

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